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Dr. Alduan Tartt: There are a lot of men in relationships who don't even like women

Vault Empowers

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#therapist #relationships #vaultempowers

In this powerful conversation, Brandi Harvey sits down with Dr. Alduan Tartt to unpack some uncomfortable truths about modern dating and marriage. They discuss why many men are in relationships with women they don’t actually like, how narcissism shows up in today’s relationships, and why more women, especially high-earning women, are choosing peace, purpose, and independence over traditional marriage.

They also explore the emotional toll marriage can take on women, the societal expectations placed on them, and what it really costs to stay in relationships that no longer serve you. This episode challenges long-held beliefs and invites honest reflection about love, power, and partnership in today’s world.

💬 Do you agree or disagree? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

0:00 — Intro
5:03 — Why more women don’t want marriage today
6:26 — Why traditional gender roles no longer work
7:14 — What men really want but won’t ask for: help
9:16 — Why marriage benefits men more than women
16:53 — The 3 questions you must ask while dating
20:54 — Many men want relationships but don’t like women
22:34 — The difference between givers and takers in marriage
23:13 — How mother wounds create toxic masculinity
26:27 — Why women leave relationships emotionally first
27:49 — Father wounds and people-pleasing
31:45 — Why some men avoid marriage altogether
34:21 — What “micro-relationships” really are
46:49 — Foreplay starts long before the bedroom
48:31 — Libido mismatch is killing marriages
49:24 — Why men don’t know how to last longer
49:39 — The intimacy questionnaire that saves marriages
50:36 — Porn vs real intimacy
51:37 — Why sex becomes boring in long marriages
52:07 — Faith-based couples deserve amazing sex too
52:24 — Is purity culture setting people up to fail?
54:11 — Know your body before choosing a partner
55:56 — Why many men chose celibacy before marriage
59:45 — Why some men want virgins
1:01:12 — How libido distorts attraction
1:01:52 — Women’s libido rises in their late 30s and 40s
1:02:26 — Women are glowing up and men are falling off
1:03:25 — Testosterone, stamina, and confidence decline
1:06:12 — Transparency leads to transformation
1:07:26 — Why faith-based relationships need practical tools
1:08:11 — How to talk about sexual needs without offense
1:08:55 — Why unmet needs lead to infidelity
1:10:44 — Knowing your own temptations
1:14:48 — Men learning how to appreciate their wives
1:16:05 — Why couples improve faster in community
1:16:56 — One word for this season: ACTION
1:18:08 — Why most couples were never taught how to love well

Stay connected with Dr. Alduan Tartt:
Instagram - Instagram: drtartt
Facebook - Facebook: dralduantartt
Facebook - Facebook: drtartt
LinkedIn - LinkedIn: drtartt
X - https://x.com/drtartt
Threads - https://www.threads.com/@drtartt
DrTartt.com - Personal website
BetterHusbandBetterWife.com - Marriage resources and live classes
TransformingCircle.com - Mental health resources and live classes for faith community

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20 Comments

@JoannHines-g6f 8 months ago

Best line a man could EVER say: " Good husbands are GIVERS!"❤ Kudos to you, Dr. Alduan!!❤❤❤

@intentionalgreatness 9 months ago

A lot of women perform to be chosen. The day you stop performing....you will be free to be yourself..and can find someone that actually likes you for you. Take that energy to "please" and put it somewhere else. You will be 10x happier. Signed a former performer.

@christalintentions 8 months ago

I love his humor. I can see how he makes his wife and children feel safe. His humor is loving, playful, and open, not dismissive, condescending or belittling.

@annardh2006 9 months ago

I've been more happy and wealthier without my husband. Divorce has changed my life for the better.

@tretre4u72 8 months ago

He ain’t lying!! I been saying these men don’t like women! But I get looked at like I am crazy!! Pray those kind of men never locate me and I have sense enough to not give them any of my precious time!

@shellybuchanan5772 9 months ago

This is true. All the men I have dated hate their mothers. They hate women; I spoke with some of the women they cheated on me with; they treated all of us the same. They are takers,; they wanted me to support them; they made six figures. Their brothers did the same thing.

Ladies your twenties are precious. Don't let people waste your time. This goes for relationships, friends and employers.

@NdeyeDelgado 9 months ago

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE MEN WITH THE FATHER WOUNDS AS WELL

@LoverGirlCici 8 months ago

I can’t make your life better if you don’t water me, you can’t snatch my petals off and expect me to shine for you.

@susandodson1234 9 months ago

He said it perfectly: “great husbands are givers!” He said it so gracefully, many women say it like this: we want providers, happy wives happy lives, and we want men to love us more (hints if a man charises his wife he will make sure she good). When women feel provided for, safe and love they give men everything they need.

@HumbleBeauty679 8 months ago

Men with mother & father wounds! A double whammy

@keepingit763 8 months ago

Why is the ultimate goal for women to be married? Instead of finding someone you who compliments you and your lifestyle.

@jaeshasway 9 months ago

8-10 Years? So this is why the women in my family live so long. My great grandmother was 105. She had 5 husbands but far outlived them all. The last one by about 30 years and she never remarried. My grandmother lived to 97, divorced twice and did not remarry again. My mother is 3 times divorced, just turned 81 and is more active than I am. She’s staunchly single now and says she refuses to date ever again. She’s energetic and vibrant and living her best life. I am single and childfree by choice. Looking forward to being more like her when I grow up. 😅

@NatalieBrown-z7e 9 months ago (edited)

This is the BEST discussion I have heard about relationships and marriage from both the female and male perspective. Dr. Tartt is indeed a competent, confident and compassionate expert. While he is a minister, he does not try to inundate his audience with scripture and religion; instead, he speaks from a practical and real point of view that appeals to all folk.

@mariaweathington4172 9 months ago (edited)

Its unfair to compare me to my grandmother because im not having 8 children by a man that cheats and treats me bad, absolutely not.

@mtc-j9i 9 months ago (edited)

9:48 this was me. It was NOT the life. Being a divorced mom is literally easier than my marriage was. I fully understand how a marriage can shave 10 years off a woman’s life if she has a man who lets her do most of everything plus work full time, care for both extended families, handle the kids, handle the stepkid and baby mama drama, handle the household, do all the shopping and cooking lol - and on top of that I was the one with the stable income. NO THANK YOU! Getting rid of him eliminated a fair load off my back. A man with outdated ideas about gender roles in a world where he needs you to work full time will BURDEN you. I still struggle to wrap my mind around how my life was harder with two adults in the house than it is now…
And yes, he has a terrible godawful harsh mother. Nobody can stand her except her sons. And he lacks empathy and admits it.

@shakawarrior1146 9 months ago

What makes this poignant conversation so gut-wrenching and heartfelt is because it's truth, a blatant reality.

@Evelyne888 9 months ago

A man who communicates that clearly....wow!!!

@KimberlyReviews 8 months ago

This blows my mind how accurate this man is about the main issues I have experienced in relationships!!! He didn't miss anything.

@meekyw.4010 9 months ago (edited)

If women are going to listen to men talk about relationships and preparing themselves for relationships a smart, genuine, respectful and kind married man is credible.
I never understood why so many black women listened to Kevin Samuels and that black guy with the long dreadlocks and fuzzy hairline. IF you're going to listen to a man telling you about relationships at least let it be a man who's actually dedicated himself to a wife.

@lonewolflovechild7390 9 months ago

Too many representatives faking the funk to fill roles they are not qualified to fill...all in the name of feeling wanted, needed and validated. SO selfish!