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You Might Not Be an Introvert | Episode #163

Mike Israetel

27,694 views

You might not be an introvert. Dr. Mike explains the difference between genuinely preferring solitude and withdrawing because of fear, shame, or rejection, then shows how to rebuild social confidence on your own terms.

Timestamps:

00:00 - Why "introvert" might be the wrong label
02:45 - The real spectrum of social energy
05:13 - When introversion is actually fear
07:01 - Introversion vs defensive withdrawal
11:21 - Signs you may be a hidden extrovert
23:24 - Signs you may truly be an introvert
28:07 - How to come out of your shell
31:14 - Find warmer people and better settings
35:00 - Start with low-stakes social reps
38:11 - Measure action, not approval
42:41 - Build real social confidence and skill
49:01 - When social anxiety needs therapy

Dr. Mike chats about all things progress, especially technology, futurism, morality, meaning, and personal growth. Join in the fun, share your opinion in the comments, and let us know what video topics you’d like to see in the future!

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20 Comments

@HuffinStufff 1 month ago

my favorite quote about being an introvert is “ of course i want to be your friend. i just don’t want to speak to you ever again”

@hossienkhodaee5964 1 month ago

Holy crap man....u just said one of the biggest problems of my life...i needed this shit....thank u mike,really

@IgorPhil 1 month ago

I spent my whole life as this kind of defensive extrovert, who thought he was an introvert, but then as I got older, I became a real introvert and I ended up a lot happier because of it.

@GoldenVulpes 1 month ago

This is totally me. Bullied throughout my school years I grew up just believing I was an introvert. Then I started my own business and knew I had to meet people to be successful. I started attending all kinds of events. Exposure therapy. Before I would shake attending events and now that fear has decreased so much I dont have that response anymore. Now I realize I love hanging out with people and talk pretty much all day.

So yeah so I now think I had social anixety and not introversion.

@NathanMilkie1 1 month ago (edited)

17:29 | 100% Me
- I am an extreme introvert.
- I don't go to any social events outside of work.
- I never hangout with anyone outside of work other than my immediate family.
- I don't care if I ever learn how to be more social, let alone more confidence while doing so.

@Allplussomeminus 1 month ago

That anticipated awkwardness is what takes me out. I think I might do an incompatible input that unintentionally derails the interaction.

@Christianradke03 1 month ago

From personal experience, I think depression and anxiety can be wrongly interpreted as introversion from the outside

@HuffinStufff 1 month ago

there is nothing i enjoy more than being at home by myself.

@creylacoste4981 1 month ago

AS AN INTROVERT PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT LIKE OR COMMENT OR NOTICE THIS COMMENT IN ANY WAY

@marcethier4362 1 month ago

I've not socialized or had anyone over for almost 7 years. Not a single time out to socialize, not a single person has crossed my door, not hyperbole. I'll tell you, it's not the empty waiting room, but the inability to share joy or good news with another soul that's hard.

@adolfotux 3 weeks ago

Thanks, Dr. Mike; this really helped me connect the dots and realize that I’m a shy extrovert who struggles to come out of their shell due to past negative experiences.

@Armund 1 month ago (edited)

I really can relate to this one mike ,basically describes my whole life and to have someone being able to describe it so exact is priceless, its so hard when you want to talk to other people but your anxiety dosent let you and eventually people start to think of you as an introvert and your just really unhappy whit it. Especially during my teenage years this was my whole life losing all my friends from being the biggest extrovert ever to not saying a word all day in school. And becoming the outcast the weirdo it really messes whit you and mabey even makes or brakes you the teenage period in a way.

@wellscraft 1 month ago

This hit hard. A lot of things I noticed about myself but it didn't make sense. It does now. I will be sad I'm not invited somewhere but then decline an invitation when it is given. I thought I was just messed up. I create the condition that causes me sadness.
Much to meditate on.

@rachelle2227 1 month ago

For me part of the issue was I loved 1:1 friendships in middle and high school, but especially in high school people got more involved in their cliques. In middle school at my old house, I had like 8 friends but from different social circles. When I moved in the middle of the year in 7 th grade I never really socially recovered. Made a few friends here and there eventually, but again didn’t want to be involved with their friends or in groups. My best friend for years ended up being my best friend since her best friend moved away freshman year and she didn’t really have any other solid friends. But she also wasn’t very reliable or good at planning so it was all on me. I lived in the country too so there weren’t many new kids ever coming in.