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Mindset Flip: Getting Real About Your Relationship With Alcohol | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Mel Robbins

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Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them.
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Today on the podcast, you and I are having a deeply personal and eye-opening conversation about #alcohol and your relationship to it.

Rachel Hart is a best-selling author and master #coach who has helped thousands of people re-examine their relationship with alcohol, and that’s exactly what she is going to help you do today.

Rachel knows the surprising reason you (and I) crave a #drink (or have the urge to shop, vape, play video games, scroll on social media, or want something sweet).

She’ll also explain that weird cycle of emotions you experience after #drinking.

Did I drink too much last night? Did I do anything I regret? Should I stop drinking altogether? Should I detox this week before the wedding next weekend? How do I drink less? Maybe it’s time I stopped altogether.

You’ll learn that this agitation and conflict about alcohol are normal. The question is, How do you change it?

Rachel says, by examining the desires underneath the urge.

Today, Rachel will help you unpack urges and desires and teach you why boundaries go right out the window when you feel an urge.

Today you’ll learn:
What your drinking might really be all about (it’s not what you think)
Why feeling conflicted about drinking is normal
Where do urges really come from, and how do you ignore them?
How your first experience with alcohol impacts your relationship with it
What your desires are trying to tell you
How to ditch the shame once and for all
The complicated messaging around alcohol
The 30-day plan Rachel uses with all her clients

Not sure if you have a problem with alcohol? Worried about someone else who does? You're not ready to quit alcohol all together, but you wish you’d not reach for the glass of wine most nights. Wonder if maybe you should stop? Perfect. Listen in.

You can change your relationship with alcohol.

After this episode, you’ll know how.

Xo, Mel

In this episode:
00:00 Intro
02:24 Why is your relationship with alcohol so confusing?
09:12 The shame cycle I go through every time I drink
14:56 Has drinking become your way of belonging in a social setting?
18:15 You are creating boundaries that justify your cravings and urges.
22:02 What your urges and cravings are trying to communicate to you
29:35 Tool #1: Name the urge when it’s happening.
36:34 Tool #2: Change your phone wallpaper to this
40:32 Stop looking for answers from others. You have an inner knowing of what’s best for you.
49:39 Tool #3: Ask yourself, If you couldn’t drink for the rest of your life, what would it feel like?
56:30 Disappointment when you give up your urges is normal.
59:35 How to stop drinking without stopping drinking
1:02:25 The difference between your upper and lower brain and what you need to know
1:08:14 Learning how to change means having a different relationship with commitment.
1:17:13 Tool #4: Establish your "why"

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20 Comments

@Gringabeanpole 3 years ago (edited)

I just had my 9 year anniversary of zero alcohol.
I was a daily drinker for 30 years. Wine or beer.
People around me drank the same, so it never felt like a problem. It was fun and celebrating and connecting.
Then in the 2008 financial meltdown, my life crashed financially. Honestly lost everything.
The 10 or so years that I was trying to claw my way back was horrible, demeaning and I honestly lost relationships because I saw who turned their back on me.
Drinking was no longer a celebration. It was a coping mechanism. I would polish off a bottle of wine a day.
When I finally saw my life improving financially, I was at a doctors appointment because I had tingling in my feet. He named the possible causes, and I said bingo. It’s the drinking.
I decided to not drink for a full month.
9 years later I haven’t had a drink.
I still don’t tell myself I’ll never drink again, because my rebellious side will sabotage me.
But, one day or situation at a time I just haven’t went back even though I felt anxiety when I sat at a restaurant table with people all drinking cocktails at times.
And zero alcohol beer is my friend. They are served in most restaurants and bars, and they taste amazing. Not like they did 20 years ago.
Super chilled mug, and I feel that same celebration and festive and belonging.
With zero alcohol.

@Marielouise22 3 years ago

Ten days sober after 40 + years drinking. I like the great sleep, the feeling of freedom and I feel a lightness. I hope I don’t lapse but am confident that I feel better without than with alcohol 🙏

@ritar.4322 3 years ago

#1. A person that doesn't have a problem with alcohol doesn't worry if they do.
#2. I never got into trouble every time I drank, but every time I got into trouble, I'd been drinking!!!
With the grace of God and a lot of AA people, on July 1st 2023 I've been sober 32 years.

@debrider9182 2 years ago

Sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised.

@anitasmith404 3 years ago

Mel. You never duck and dive. You never hide. You never manipulate. You fess up. Your courage, honesty and integrity is truly inspiring. You more than belong. You are a centre. 🥰

@cathleenross5637 3 years ago

I spent time in France and they really have it figured out. They allow themselves the pleasures of food and drink. They eat croissants, cheese, Baggett, and drink wine because of the pleasure of it, and savor it. They take 2 hour lunches and walk and bike alot for transportation. They don't overindulge because they don't feel guilty about pleasure. We have alot to learn.

@mygoodnessdarlin 3 years ago

You don’t have to be an alcoholic or have a problem with alcohol to quit drinking. You can just come on over to the alcohol free healthy life style to feel wonderfully young again. As in feel like you are 12. Wake up feeling great. Watch the weight fall off. Feel healthy and confident. Come join the youthful again, Mel !!! Sleep better. Be a good role model to your kids. Wake up and feel like working out. Enjoy donating the money you no longer spend to your favorite charity. Lower your risk of breast cancer and colon cancer. Join the fun healthy club and come on over to the sober side !

@lovestyle642 3 years ago

I quit 6 years ago....WILL NEVER GO BACK...my life is getting better and better...and I'm reaching my goals finally..
Thanks for talk😊

@samanthatwigg6302 2 years ago

When I was wondering if I was an alcoholic and should stop drinking, going back and forth, my counselor said the one thing that helped me make my decision; “people that are not alcoholics don’t ever think about quitting because they are not obsessing about it.” I have been sober ever since. 38 years.

@joeyfdh9890 3 years ago

Sober over 5 months now, best decision of my life. So much abundance has come to me since I quit. Alcohol keeps our vibrational frequency low, thats the whole point of it being legal still, keeps us down.

@rosfadem 2 years ago

Andrew Huberman's 2-hr podcast about the effects of alcohol on your brain and everything else convinced me that this dithering confusion is ridiculous. I'm now sober 25 days, expect to continue and find other ways to stimulate "fun".

@mbethm 2 years ago

You need to talk with Annie Grace. I followed her alcohol experiment 30 days. She doesn’t ask you to quit drinking. She helps you retrain your brain. I quit drinking most a year ago and have no urges what so ever. Don’t miss it. No more cognitive dissidents

@amyzumach5230 3 years ago

I can relate so hardcore to this Mel. Here’s what I’ve discovered recently.. I would never spend this much time debating ANY other relationship in my life as I have the relationship with alcohol. Anything or anyone who causes that much mental and emotional gymnastics in my life generally gets kicked to the curb. So that’s what i finally decided to do with that relationship. Undecided if we’ll ever speak again but for now and possibly long term, that trash is staying at the curb where I kicked it! 😀🙌🏻

@cautiouslyoptimistic268 3 years ago

"I can pour myself a drink....that's a whole lot easier than asking someone for what I need......holy shit!! That's the whole thing right there!!!! This was an absolute ah-ha moment truth bomb for me. I've just been trying to give myself a hug in the only way I know how 🍷.....for decades

@TruthSaying 2 years ago

Alcohol is like a narcissist. No contact is the only option.
I listen this podcast because I need a solution for my drinking it’s damaging my life and gives me anxiety that I came to conclusions that anxiety itself can kill you in hangover state. Please pray for me to.🩸

@joreadsbooks1 2 years ago

I was sober for a year and it was amazing. It's been 5 months that I started drinking again. I'm falling back to old habits. I do not like it or how it makes me feel. So I'm 4 days sober today again.. starting over!

@SteveGamlin 3 years ago

Just over 26 months alcohol-free over here. For me, it was more of a very lazy habit than a raging addiction. The past 5 years of my life became what I refer to as '3 Deaths and a Pandemic'. I let it get me down, and began to inhale a very tall nightly rum & coke. Make a significant investment in myself, to put my biz (and life, really) back together in early May 2021. Looked at the rum bottle that night and said: "Not today!" Have made that same decision every day since. Not always easy. There have been many times I've thought: "One of those would taste really good right now!" But, I'm much more dedicated to building the best version of myself (all all the exercise and positive thinking/actions) since making my decision. Am 20+ pounds down, and feeling great. Happier. Healthier. More clear-headed. It was the right decision!

@chrisb7142 3 hours ago

I was sober for almost 7 years and then decided to start drinking again...that was over 26 years ago...worst decision I ever made!

@VS-fo9py 3 years ago

I have been considering quitting drinking. I have been watching you tube videos on the affects of alcohol on anxiety. Over the last two weeks of not drinking, I have noticed that my anxiety is at a way lower level. There’s absolutely no benefit of alcohol for me. Thank you for this episode, perfect timing for me.

@pamelamacdowell1632 3 years ago

Sober six months and I love it! I’m learning to do my life WITHOUT the alcohol “crutch”! Doing parties sober and surrounded by drinkers has been the biggest shocker. People that drink are VERY uncomfortable with non-drinkers….they just don’t understand. Hmmmm, maybe THEY need to look at their relationship with alcohol.