More on Managing Emotions: 👉🏻👉🏻 https://youtu.be/bTJ2LNeTQnQ

This is dead on. You keep trying to help, feeling empathy, you keep thinking about solutions, and then you get abused, lied to, and your life becomes hell. Then you walk away and feel better, and then start feeling bad for them and try to come back. It is a horrible cycle, a real rollercoaster.

It was a vicious cycle thats make the other person physically and mentally sick. I finally had to choose myself.

I am just now coming to understand that my partner sees me as the bad guy. I'm his trigger and excuse to drink. It's really frustrating because I work on myself a lot. I have a strong faith life. I do therapy. I have a large social network. I'm not willing to be a martyr or a scapegoat anymore. The biggest challenge is remaining calm but he knows how to push my buttons then turn it around on me. I find myself completely avoiding him lately. I'm very emotionally drained.

This poor girl is suffering. I have been there myself. I too am a nurse. Not to mention how stressful that work is on top of dealing with an alcoholic/drug user  and small children.I love my alone time and quiet time now because of the years of mental torture. I am praying for this sweet girl. I hope she finds the courage to detach .

Amber, thank you so much for letting her talk. I watch your videos and I know how kind you are but I was worried that when she was pouring her heart out you were going to interject for time purposes but you didn't and I so appreciate that because I know what it must've felt like for her to finally get you face to face. So thank you so much for allowing her the space. And thank you to Brigitte for her honesty and courage for talking about what she's going through. I can totally relate. Praying for Brigitte and her family 🤍

Thank you for helping me realize  I have an addiction  trying to fix my sons addiction...

In desperation, I began searching for resources and found your channel. Much needed. I feel like I have finally gotten to a place where I am emotiinal regulated, if I have to ask, I dont because, I already know the answer. I can trust myself (and not him). I am emotionally done and trying to make some real decisions to move forward and get me and mine to a safer place. Really hard after 35+ years of marriage, business partners and joined at the hip. Throw in my vow to complicate things. He is actively destroying all relationships and business. Need to find the boundaries without me being the bad guy.

LEAVE HIM! 8 years!? That is too long. He's already endangered your kids. Take the break instead of trying to reason with him. You might see some progress. But trust me its manipulation on his part. I pray for your family and hope things get better for you Brigette.

Wow, Amber, this is so timely.  This is so practical.  I want joy!  Happiness! painting! making money.  Starting my new life after my husband died.  This is sooooooo soooooo gooooood!

🙌 My husband's go to line is "I don't want to fight with you ... " then two - three hours later he is still yelling about stuff that happened 5 years ago, whether or not I ignore or engage. 🤦‍♀️

Recovery takes amazing courage that not everyone has. Honesty can be extremely difficult. You can’t make anyone do or say anything they don’t want to. You can only control yourself and your responses.

Honey, give yourself permission to leave. He’s not your parents. You can exit. You are not a bad person, you are a mother. Do for you and your children what he can’t right now. That is far better than your children seeing Momma like this. It’s okay to leave. Gather your own strength and be there for yourself and your children.

My hubs is always honest about it, goes to meetings and all that but it still Doesn’t make him stop using. He’s putting on a show for others and as soon as a sponsor finds out what’s he’s really up to; he “finds a new one.” Distancing and working on my own stuff keeps me emotionally protected. I like the part about stealing. Stealing from the family isn’t just monetary.

Brigette - Brave of you to come on and share.  You have some great insights into your ‘own’ stuff.  Like developing co-dependence and noting your response/reaction to his recent relapse.   Sounds like you’ve worked on this and probably like most of us benefited from Ambers great videos.    Heartfelt thoughts to you in staying strong and and taking care of yourself and your children - the things you have absolute control of…. Best to your husband also and your relationship.       Thanks Amber !  You’re terrific.  💙

My therapist has encouraged me to stay in the line of thought to remember I can't control my two addicted grown kids choices. I can suggest and set good example, but it boils down to Their Choices for themselves. Painful and mind boggling, but yes the Fear is the worst part. I take ashwagandha supplements for anxiety and I pray pray pray for strength for all of us.

My mom used to do this all the time. Now that she is gone I’m seen as the monster

You have explained so much. The financial - no matter how wealthy - in fact if they are wealthy, it feels like even more like entrapment in many ways bc they respect no one and other people are too scared or intimidated to even make a bad facial expression when he’s obviously belligerent - it makes you resentful on levels you didn’t know existed. I have been going thru absolute crazy town - talk about projection!! And now, the casino, and the south Florida boat show - and the enabling flying monkeys that absolutely make life miserable - and you’re so right, if you confront or in any way point out that these people are sucking the life out of you and shoveling beer into your soul - then he threw the largest, most disgusting 🤮 tantrum and it felt so bizarre and out of place. And now it makes sense. And he turned on me. And talk about discard!!! It effects all of his employees, family, neighbors, anyone who happens to be on the road bc he’s such a high functioning alcoholic that I did not know he was “steadily” drunk at all times. Just….so many pieces have finally came together.

If you’re out there, and you know what it is like to deal w a true, real, actual narcissist - take a classic narcissist and when they become so alcohol dependent that they build their life and business around it - they become what feels like a malignant Narc. And they will discard you bc they are not only dealing w the false self - but the false, sober self. And neither are real.

Good luck out there. Sometimes, I think we survivors - when we rebuild and thrive - maybe we should start a GoFundMe account for the financially screwed victims out there who need to gtfo.

Much love. Much thank you for the understanding.

Oh my gosh, I cried through this whole thing. I feel Brigitte’s pain! I truly do. We feel so helpless, abused, and invalidated. Living in uncertainty and not having your man be consistent and stable and have your family’s best interest at heart is a nightmare. No one to rest comfortably on at the end of the day. It’s isolating. Having kids together adds a whole other layer. I can’t leave because we’re broke. Knowing there’s no way out keeps me barely hanging on to my sanity. Let’s keep supporting each other!

Again Im watching this today and listening to this young woman I can hear myself.  I've often have thought that when I am explaining my situation that I sound like I'm all over the place.  I can hear and see how much the the addicted person affects us.  Not sure Im explaining it but I have seen myself in this young woman so many times.  I feel like there is something so wrong in me!!! I pray this young woman can break away from it.