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Ep 36: She Left a 25-Year Marriage at 50 and Made Every Dating Mistake in the Book

Laurie Gerber

7,281 views

What does it take to find love after divorce over 50 when the real obstacle isn’t your age or the apps, but a pattern you haven’t changed yet?

Silke’s story is about recognizing the patterns that were getting in the way of the relationship she wanted, and learning how to date from a different place.

If you’re standing where Silke was, ready but not sure how to actually change the pattern, Laurie walks you through the 3H method step by step in her free 75-minute training:
👉 https://lauriegerber.com/webinar?utm_...

Ready to go deeper? Laurie’s course, Master the Art of Love, helps you identify the patterns you may be repeating in relationships and start changing them before they cost you the connection you want.
👉 https://lauriegerber.com/maol?utm_sou...

For Silke Schwarzkopf, it took leaving a 25-year sexless marriage and making every classic mistake: coming on too strong, controlling every interaction, rewriting a man’s entire book manuscript on a third date. She made them all.

In this episode, Silke breaks down the dating mistakes women over 50 keep repeating, including the controlling behaviors that push men away, and what sexual reawakening after divorce really feels like when nobody prepares you. The shift came when she stopped dating from a place of need and started dating from a place of want.

⏱ TIMESTAMPS
00:00–02:51 — Introduction: Dating After Divorce at 50 With Silke Schwarzkopf.
02:51–05:12 — Leaving a 25-Year Sexless Marriage and the Awakening at 50.
05:12–07:44 — From Girlfriend Happy Hours to Creating Second Act TV.
07:44–12:18 — Naming the Baggage: Controlling, Over-Caretaking, Sexual Reawakening.
12:18–15:43 — First Date Disaster: Triathletes, Angel Numbers, Coming On Too Strong.
15:43–18:14 — The Book Rewrite: Editing a Date's Manuscript Uninvited.
18:14–20:02 — Over-Giving Is Still Controlling: The Flip Side of the Same Trait.
20:02–22:19 — Sexual Reawakening After 50: The Vaginal Atrophy No One Warned Her About.
22:19–26:27 — The Click: Getting Unattached to the Outcome Changed Everything.
26:27–31:16 — Spotting Paul on Match.com and the Slow-Burn First Date.
31:16–38:21 — Long-Distance Dating, Independence, and Living Apart Together.
38:21–45:14 — Betrayal, Trust, and the #1 Advice for Finding Love After Divorce.

👤 ABOUT THE GUEST
Dating coach Laurie Gerber sits down with Silke, creator and host of Second Act TV, for one of the most candid midlife dating conversations yet. Silke and Paul have been together 15 years. She tells you exactly what the shift looked like.

Silke Schwarzkopf’s website: https://2ndact.tv
Second Act TV on YouTube: 2ndacttv

Previous Episodes Mentioned
EP 9 — Self-Love, Body Image, and Dating Confidence
Ep 9: Self-Love After 50: Confidence, Body...
EP 10 — New Year, New Love: How to Make Your Love Resolutions Actually Work
Ep 10: New Year, New Love: How to Make You...

Not ready for a full training yet? Take Laurie’s free quiz and find out how ready you really are to date again:
👉 https://lauriegerber.com/quiz?utm_sou...

Stay Connected with Laurie:
🌐 Website: https://lauriegerber.com/?utm_source=...
▶️ YouTube: @lauriegerbercoach
📸 Instagram: Instagram: lauriegerber_coach
💙 Facebook: Facebook: lauriegerberdatingcoach
💼 LinkedIn: LinkedIn: lauriegerber
🎧 Podbean: https://lauriegerbercoach.podbean.com/

#DatingAfterDivorce #DatingOver50 #RelationshipCoach #SecondActDating

20 Comments

@lauriegerbercoach Creator 2 months ago Pinned

If you want clarity on what a healthy partnership looks like for you, I walk you through the 3H method step by step in my free 75-minute training:
👉 https://www.lauriegerber.com/webinar?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=podcast&utm_content=ep_036&utm_term=silke_schwarzkopf

@SteelUnreal 2 months ago

My wife left me. I was 55. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Of course, I didn’t realize it until later

@ginafortunato7098 2 months ago

Love the honestly of this episode!! You ladies have such good chemistry. Felt like I was just hanging out with my girlfriends 😍

@cege8693 2 months ago

Thank you ladies! I needed to hear this. Slkie’s story hit me hard. Wow! I did many of the same controlling behaviors with the intent of helping/fixing. This led me to people that “needed” fixing and drained me and kept me stuck. I have learned (through videos, books, and two unfulfilling relationships ) lessons the hard way and it has helped to open my eyes to my own actions and dysfunctional behavior. Thank you again for sharing your story … so helpful!

@Teekaye-f8h 2 months ago

Two of the very finest women on the internet! I love you both (you have no idea how much you have helped me figure out what I am even doing going on dates in midlife).

@trinaroe5132 2 months ago

Oh yeah, lots of controllers here! Mt eye opener was on a bike tour where I kept stopping to look at our map and the tour guide said I’ll let you know when it’s time to turn. But I like being able to visualize what’s coming up. After ONE DAY the tour guide said “Trina, just LET GO!!!” and I thought wow, she really has me pegged!!! 😂😂😂

@nancyrosenthal6629 2 months ago

This made me laugh because it pokes fun at something we all do—trying our best to get what we want. Sometimes a little humor is exactly what's needed to remind us not to take ourselves too seriously. After all, laughter really is the best medicine, even for topics that can seem quite serious!

@abart2056 2 months ago

Such a great conversion and success story that keeps getting better! Thank you Silke and Laurie! Wonderful show! Silke, your story is so inspiring and I appreciate you sharing it so openly! Nothing to share on my end…yet! 😂🥳

@randiking5275 2 months ago

Great episode today!! Have Silke on again. You're both great.

@SharonCraig-i5y 2 months ago

Very interesting. Good to know.

@mypov4343 2 months ago

Yes absolutely you must be to the point of loving yourself if you expect others to love you as well. It's so important to be able to observe yourself as you interact with others so you can have better understanding of what you really value. Having a burning desire but also detached from outcome is called being in the flow. You want to get to the point where you have a lot of flow in your life! No one wants to be controlled because they can't be who they really are and it makes it very difficult for me to be around such people. Not that I'm an angel LOL. Thanks for sharing your story Silke, it's definitely a process one that I'm very familiar with LOL really enjoyed listening to this segment, thank you both!

@SassyLadyKat1111 2 months ago (edited)

I got to know Silke from 2ndActTV from what she shared and from reading between the lines.

Every woman and man has their own stories/experiences about post divorce dating paired with our behaviors, perspectives, level of self love, and the list goes on.

I found BHRT over 11 years agp when I was in Perimenopause.

Right now, my life is so filling and busy, that mid life dating isn’t a priority. I’ll meet someone when the time is appropriate. Having a healthy and solid Self Love is key.

Interesting conversation ladies. Thank you. 😊

@silkeschwarzkopf8834 2 months ago

Thanks for having me on Laurie. It was really fun, and I hope my story is of some benefit for the women (and men) navigating starting over after 50 ... 60, 70, or even after 80. (Yes, know those people as well 😉 and have great stories we didn't have time to touch on in this episode)

@lisabrazell8246 2 months ago

Your concept of getting into your own life is what I did in my 50s. Lots of people but just never a right one. That is not always the immediate key. 16 years post divorce, hopeful that online will eventually bring a great person. I was offline in my 50s “doing my thing”

@Mimi-ni3il 2 months ago

Second marriage is the best for me ❤❤❤

@martinsaunders7925 2 months ago

Accountability,the kryptonite of wonder women. The cape over lingerie.
I'm hoping that Silke can inspire women to explore and express their inner desires more honestly. Unless they're pursuing young naive men,older men are as wary as whales around whaling ships.
Kudos to both of you for taking the hard inner journey and provide a map for others to follow.