Dr. Ramani, my wife filed for divorce 4 weeks ago after 29 years together, two boys 15 and 12.
Two years ago I learnt about covert narcissistic abuse. I had a breakdown.
Your videos have been a god send in helping me understand my life, my wife, and prepared me for the smear campaign and discard with confidence.
Its hard. But I know things will get better, eventually.
Peace ❤
Stay strong, survivors. 💪

Trauma-based attachment explains why leaving can become unbearable, even when staying has become destructive.

3 years out.  I have profound gratitude for you Dr. Ramani and all the other educators and healers.  I can’t unsee what I have seen.  On the journey of healing and today, I know that I am not alone.

The saddest thing about narcissistic abuse is that it’s needless, makes no sense, occurs for no reason, and can permanently damage the victim’s sense of identity, self-worth, and ability to trust in others. I don’t have any mental-healthcare credentials, to be clear. However, I could write ten books about how it feels to be a victim of such abuse and how difficult it can be to recover from. Victims of narcissistic abuse will often suffer for years, even long after the abusive relationship has ended.

This kind of abuse has one sole purpose, which is to feed the narcissist’s need to feel superior, dominant, and omnipotent by draining the victim of their mental, emotional, and often financial stability. Narcissistic abuse is not just about someone “temporarily losing it” after a bad day. It’s not about stress or even dishonesty, falling out of love, or cheating, etc. Although narcissists may engage in such behaviors, not every cheating, dishonest, or even self-absorbed person is a narcissist. Not all batterers are necessarily narcissists (although many probably are).

Narcissism is like the worst possible behaviors towards others, multiplied by at least 10. Then added to that is the narcissist’s inability to feel compassion or empathy for others. Narcissistic abuse is a calculated means of controlling someone else’s behaviors and thought processes via extreme mental and emotional bullying and outright emotional blackmail; commonly (but not always) accompanied by physical abuse.

Narcissists will tell you the sky is red. If you disagree and say the sky is actually blue, they’ll tell you you’re crazy, stupid, and incapable of distinguishing different colors. When you go outside and point to the sky and say, “The color of the sky is clearly blue,” the narcissist will respond with, “Of course it is, that’s what I’ve been saying all along!” Do you see how insane this is? It would be quite hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that the entire purpose of an argument such as the one above is to cause the victim to start questioning his or her own sanity.

If the victim of such abuse doesn’t recognize what’s going on, they will slowly begin questioning their own judgment and sanity. These techniques are also frequently used with gaslighting. Gaslighting is the act of purposefully confusing someone through circular, unending arguments; or may occur by moving or removing a victim’s objects such as keys, phone, other items — all in an effort to trick the person into thinking they’re going crazy. An example: “Where is my wallet? I know I put it in my purse last night. Now I don’t have my checkbook, cash, etc. I must be losing it!”

Most people can’t imagine why someone would purposely cause such confusion and chaos for someone else, therefore never suspect the narcissist unless they’re caught. Even then, the narcissist will likely deny any accusations. The narcissist’s main goal is to reap havoc, chaos, and dysfunction into an otherwise mostly normal person’s life.

What’s more, the perpetrator will purposefully cause the victim into a reaction, then use that reaction to gain support from their “flying monkeys.” These agents of narcissists are carefully picked so that the narcissist’s view cannot be debated by an objective observer. This triangulation also causes the victim to further doubt or dismiss their own thoughts and feelings. Narcissistic abuse is complete and total psychological warfare against another human being. The targeted person can be the NPD’s children, but is often the NPD’s spouse or significant other.

Children of narcissists are also more likely to become narcissists themselves due to genetic and environmental factors. Or, they may have BPD or BPD tendencies. That’s not to say that ALL children of NPDs have personality or mental-health disorders. Targets of those with NPD are usually very generous, often sensitive, and friendly people that have their lives at least somewhat together. NPDs choose these kinds of people for a reason, because the reality is NPDs are empty human beings full of self-hatred. They are inwardly chaotic, and this chaos often translates into either an extremely neat and tidy exterior facade or may manifest into complete disorder and mess.

I don’t sympathize with those with NPD because they aren’t psychotic — they do know the difference between right and wrong. They just choose to do wrong, choose to purposely hurt others because it boosts their often very tiny, fragile egos. These are dangerous people, and the only difference between most of them and a common murderer is that they haven’t physically murdered anyone yet. Well, most of the time.

If you’re dealing with someone like this and suspect they’re cheating, lying, or hiding something, trust your gut and verify it with evidence. You can discreetly find out what they’ve been doing behind your back by requesting a private digital investigation. Send a confidential request to MetaspyHub@gmail. com and get the truth you deserve.

Moving away helped a lot! And made it easier to understand what went down. Good luck everyone. The road to recovery is worth it! Keep looking forward and keep a loving lens turned 180 degrees to love your self ! What happens to the narcissist is no longer your business: never was! Reattach yourself to your own business: loving your self and enjoying life!!

So much humanity and compassion in one hour and thirteen minutes. Bless you both.

I’m going through this now (and it’s been many layers of trauma to unpack to set myself free over the years) and it feels like existential annihilation to realise that there are monstruos people who’d strip another human being to nothing else but JUST an utility! And YES - they’ll throw you like garbage any minute with no remorse the moment you have a need. After the initial shock and anger, came deep waves of grief, self blame (which I had no idea of) and shame - shame of which 0% of it was mine to carry, it was coercively and systematically instilled in me by the abusers day in and day out cause they’re so fragile and have no courage to look at themselves, therefore they expect others to carry their baggage. The gift of it all was taking my dignity and humanity back. If there is any lesson learnt or wisdom to share from this - people, stop seeing good in utter demons!! You were not the one who hurt them in childhood. All this BS of “what they must have gone through” does NOT and will NOT ever justify the harm they inflict further onto others. Love yourselves to know you are enough just as you are, and don’t need to change a monster in order to prove to yourself that you’re worth loving. And lastly - while the psyche can reach a very clear mind and even peace and stillness, beware that the somatic pain release is the only way to be fully free - with good therapists, it is possible to come out of that agonising pain of releasing the trauma; however, I’m afraid there’s no way to bypass it - but in the end you’ll be free! Much love to survivors and for once f*** these monsters. We do not owe loyalty to their unresolved crap. If they wanna be loved, they got to start with loving themselves. I reserve my right as a survivor to never be gaslit ever again in being told by enablers “yeah but it’s your this, and your that” - go f**** tell them that “but I’m their this, and their that”. Cause way too many victims get perpetually cornered as if they should feel ashamed and justify that they’re a victim of abuse. From my whole heart and lungs, I’m free to say it for us all: F*** THE ABUSERS! WE DO NOT OWE THEM ANYTHING. And if you’re in doubt and want to pity them, ask yourself - when was the last time your abuser GENUINELY showed you pity? I bet I can answer confidently in saying ‘never truly’ cause they’re void of humanity.

Thank you both so much for the work you do - it saves lives! Dr Ramani is the mother I didn’t have and likely one of the few reasons why I’m still sane, keeping strong and breathing today - thank you so much ❤

Mark this was great. I am a survivor. The abuse was brutal. Verbal, financially, and physical. Ty for bringing some light on the subject and for the great work you are doing.

In the immediate aftermath of escaping my abuser at 8 months pregnant, during the beginning of Covid... the rumination was brutal. I was simultaneously coming to grips with what the hell just happened to me, I could give birth any day and what does my future look like. It wasn't my plan at all. I was smart and felt so stupid for getting myself into a horrible situation with a violent malignant narcissistic. Im happy to say Im 6 years removed and thriving. Do I still look over my shoulder when I leave the house? you bet. I will continue to heal and understand its going to take time, but I love myself now. My daughter saved my life and helped me to fully stand up for myself, because my life stopped that day revolving around him.

I learned something new again from these wonderful people. Narcs believe their own story. No wonder my attempts for honest conversation  went nowhere. I never would 've be granted closure. Never. I really gave it my all.

When two brilliant minds get together..🤯💜

Agreed, sir. Dr. Ramani is a rock star. Thank you for having this conversation!

You two yusss💪Look out narcissists 👿we’re exposing you!!!

No one has been more central to my abuse recovery than Dr. Ramani.  Teen parents who hit me, two very abusive husbands, toxic boyfriends after the divorces, friends who didn't reciprocate, and then a terrorizing malignant narcissist who had guns - all left scars. I left them, stayed safe with no contact, but I needed deep healing. How can I ever thank you for your strength, knowledge and courage to share your information with the world? I have benefitted greatly. Thank you for helping me heal.

A great and enlightening conversation. Thanks, Dr. Ramani and Mark

THE GOAT absolutely 100% NAILING family court corruption....

Omg! BEST convo I have ever heard on being with and loving a NARC. The victim vs villain scope is exhausting. Many of these relationships are soooo complex

Thank you Dr. Ramani 🙏

Beautiful making of a crazy time we are living in. So important to talk about 🙏🏼

I am so grateful that my experiences with narcissists were so brief. at the time i grieved the relationship ending but now i see what a blessing it was. ❤