Were you the "good kid" growing up, and are you still trying to figure out what about that identity works for you now, and what works against you?

Loved this convo! Regardless of socioeconomic status, the pressure to be a “good girl” is strong, & can stay with us in pretty detrimental ways, even once we’re adults

I really appreciated the discussion of the “good girl” conditioning, but I found myself wishing there had been another layer to the psychological analysis.

Belle sounds highly conscientious, agreeable and empathetic — wonderful qualities, but qualities that can also make someone vulnerable to exploitation. You want to see the best in people, give them the benefit of the doubt, make excuses for their behaviour and blame yourself rather than ask, “What is this person doing to me?”

That feels particularly important given Belle’s descriptions of financial control and her gradual disconnection from her own interests, ambitions and sense of self. I think the possibility of financial abuse and coercive control deserves to be explicitly considered.

And I think it is important to say that “we had a happy marriage” does not rule out abuse. A relationship can contain genuine love, happiness and wonderful memories while also progressively undermining someone's autonomy. In fact, the good parts can make the harmful parts harder to recognise — especially when you are inclined to explain things away and look for what you could have done differently.

There is a crucial difference between “I struggle to assert my needs” and “someone has learned that I will continually put their needs before my own and is taking advantage of that.” The first is a vulnerability; the second is what someone may do with that vulnerability.

I think that distinction is incredibly important for women who recognise themselves as “good girls”: we don't need to become less caring or trusting. We need to become better at recognising when those qualities are being exploited.

spot on discussion...I have spent my last few years unlearning this...

If you often feel overwhelmed by everything going on in your life, Clara Hartley’s anxiety quiz might be worth trying. It can help you look at your anxiety patterns in a different way.

Even though Belle had other monies  it doesnt mean her husband deserved every dime generated in the marriage. She was all in with a husband who probably had an agenda from the get go

Gosh this interviewer talks a lot. Please let your guest speak more! Ask questions and take in the answers instead of taking over

Not Dr Becky falling for the non relatable uber rich white lady memoir about how to handle 7 trust funds.