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Being Autistic Looks Nothing Like You Think (Psychologist Explains)

Conquering Your Fibromyalgia

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#autism #autistic #adhd #chronicpain #fibromyalgia
What if everything you knew about "autism in adults" was wrong? This video explores why so many "autistic adults" are discovering their identity later in life, sometimes in their 40s or 50s, leading to a "late diagnosed autism" revelation. We question whether "autistic masking" behaviors might be hiding an individual's true autistic identity, prompting a crucial journey of "self discovery" for those with "undiagnosed autism."

Unmasking Autism in Adults: Everything You Thought You Knew Might Be Wrong

Dr. Michael Lenz, host of the Conquering Your Fibromyalgia Podcast, explores the topic of adult autism with clinical psychologist Donna Henderson. They discuss the overlooked signs of autism in adults, the impact of masking, and why more adults are being diagnosed later in life. Insights from Henderson's books are shared to help clinicians, patients, and families understand autism better. Tune in to learn about how recognizing autism can transform self-understanding, self-advocacy, and life management for those affected.

00:00 Introduction to Autism in Adults
01:25 Meet the Expert: Donna Henderson
02:40 Donna's Journey to Understanding Autism
05:10 The Importance of Diagnosis
09:18 Challenges in Recognizing Autism
16:07 Social Dynamics and Autism
21:12 Autism in Girls: A Closer Look
24:55 State of Autism: Current Trends and Future Directions
27:33 The Need for Paradigm Shifts in Diagnosis
39:24 Connecting the Dots: Autism and Other Conditions
44:39 Context Matters: Strengths and Weaknesses of Autistic Traits
44:53 Personal Stories: Listener Experiences
45:37 Autistic Individuals in Medical Care
47:28 Misunderstandings in Medical Settings
53:07 Neuro Crash and Autistic Burnout
59:33 Parenting and Understanding Neurotypes
01:06:22 Late Diagnosis: Emotions and Reflections
01:09:58 Resources and Final Thoughts

20 Comments

@peacedujour 1 month ago

I am 67 years old, just recently realized I'm autistic. I am lonely and exhausted. It's overwhelming.

@bammc7637 1 month ago

It was so refreshing to hear her talk about kids with low social motivation growing up to have anxiety because they were pushed to be more social than they were comfortable with. That is so me. At 49, my family still pushes me to be more social and when they see me “having fun” at social gatherings, they say see, i knew youd have fun, but they dont realize its the mask and that actually it was pure torture the entire time and took me a full day to recover.

@matadorade 1 month ago

When you spoke about visiting the doctors, i very rarely go to the Doctors because I'm so tired of being dismissed and feeling like they think I'm a Hypochondriac. It's soul destroying.

@sallypursell1284 2 months ago (edited)

I am a 74 year-old with undiagnosed autism, and fibromyalgia and PCOS. There was no autism except mute boys when I was young. I am a nurse, and we learned almost nothing about it. I think all four of my children are autistic, and half of my grandchildren. My husband is not, thank goodness, but I had so much trouble in school, in my working life, and I am grateful to be out of that as I am retired. I am lonely, though. I am terrible at friendship, and my female friends have all fallen away. I am one of eight children, and about half of us are autistic, I believe. We all agree. Four of my nieces and nephews are diagnosed with autism. I wouldn't be surprised if both my parents were autistic, a composer and an electrical engineer.

By the way, many people think I am ill-intentioned, and I don't think I could possibly be more well-intentioned. Some people, even after knowing me, think I have some weird complicated plot against them. It always takes me by surprise, and has ended more than one of my friendships.

I am an example of someone who came home from school and melted down almost every day. My mother listened every time, but had nothing much to offer.

@anjoliemoore1453 1 month ago

When I've told health providers, upfront, that I'm autistic, that's when I get dismissed.

@AegisBea 1 month ago

What I don’t understand is how normalized it is for the default setting to be a lack of empathy. People will say, we can’t/don’t know if someone has autism so we don’t know to treat them differently. I don’t see how anyone needs to really be treated differently, but treating everyone with respect and compassion isn’t difficult and would help everyone. Why is empathy such a reach for most people, yet we autistics are the ones seen as disordered?

@WellbeingCoachJean 1 month ago

I’m 69 and spent years and years going to therapy, learning everything I could about managing stress and managing anxiety, studying creativity I have an undergrad & a graduate degree focused on wellness and well-being. Not too long ago a therapist said to my face you’re right I’m not listening to you. You present well!
Slowly over the course of the last three years, I’ve come to understand that I identify as AuDHD. Once I accepted that without a formal diagnosis, all the puzzle pieces of my life began to turn into a tapestry.
Honestly, at this point, I do not trust the medical profession, including clinical psychology to diagnose me correctly . They had multiple chances and they blew it.
I now use all of my training as a wellness, grief, and well-being coach to show up for other late diagnosed women or those who suspect they fall somewhere on the spectrum.

@sincerelyme-777 1 month ago (edited)

Thank you for this podcast. I am almost 71 and you are describing my life. Autism and neurodivergence are common in my family. I can see these characteristics in some of my siblings, my father and in 2 of my 3 grown children. I have diagnosed nieces and nephews. I have never been formally diagnosed with autism - only with fibromyalgia and adhd. I did, out of curiosity, take numerous online tests and scored at the top of the grid every time. I cried out of relief to finally understand.

Before learning about autism and masking and self regulation, I only believed I was simply one of hundreds who is overly sensitive, creative and share these traits with people who mostly have exceptionally high IQs with peculiarly gifted affect. I accepted my own quirkiness.

To most I am known as an independent successful woman however, I can not begin to describe the continuous struggle. It is both exhilarating to do good work and also exhausting. I have to be alone so much of the time and at least understand how these overwhelming busy physical and social days require many days of recovery.

My pets abide and are the most help. It would have been useful to have had this understanding in my 20’s, 30’s, etc until now. I am incredibly observant and detail oriented and as a business owner, this has served our clients well. I am a successful artisan chef. My staff sees me as difficult. My clients give our company rave reviews. Quality of life requiring socialization beyond comfort has been the tradeoff.

@MarthaMurphy-i9o 1 month ago (edited)

This is a really good video. One thing you mentioned that is important to me, is that autism in girls is often spotted at about 5th grade. I am 78 and was diagnosed at age 75 at my own request. I was trained as a secondary teacher and, of course, my training touched on autism, but I didn't recognize it in myself until I had watched several videos by people who had been diagnosed as adults. In retrospect autism started affecting me strongly in the third grade. That's when I started feeling like an outsider. We started being allowed to go out to recess on our own, and I didn't know how to join groups of other kids. We also started learning to play softball, and my large motor skill deficits started catching up with me. I have fibromyalgia, too.

@markpaladiy_notmyactualownname 1 month ago (edited)

I never heard anything like the following.

'Hi, I'm (put name here), I am just an average, run-of-the-mill autistic person.'

My version is the following.

'I'm a person. And, by the way, I'm not necessarily a clone of anyone else.'

@karinafinearty9769 2 months ago

I now know why I went from being a happy child to being more shut down in my school years. I enjoyed first year college as I was able to choose my own subjects .. Second year college I drifted off as my teachers were not as engaging and I fell behind due to having surgery. After that my health declined and further declined after two accidents. Chronic Pain seems to go hand in hand with Autism and ADHD. I am now trying a medication that is helping with inflammation. I am grateful to understand myself better now. After feeling so different most of my life.

@odasaint007 1 month ago (edited)

It's so helpful that Dr Lenz is autistic himself. He can connect dots in ways other medics can't

@TheBhannah 1 month ago

I enjoy getting out but really like hanging at home

@Freedomisreal 1 month ago (edited)

🤣😂 at like 13:20 she described my inner life when talking to ppl. Mainly when I was younger, not as much anymore.
And my soul longs for connection but my body resist it! So true!! 💯!

@CamStubbs 1 month ago

I really appreciate your key take away cuts 😇

@savannnahmazanec3147 1 month ago

I see autism/ ADHD processing popping up so much as it’s being caught more but also as a point in human evolution because this world was built for certain types of people and what the world is focusing on is NOT the things that are what make people thrive or this earth thrive. All about production go go go and autism/ adhd need their own pace and space to honor their sensitivities.

I love socializing but I refuse small talk and I also refuse people who I can’t connect with deeply so if I’m not around my safe peoples I feel very lonely. I feel energized by genuine conversations

@vig2712 1 month ago

Hated eye contact when Iwas young, had to teach myself to manage it.

@katisugarbaker7349 1 month ago

So I was never good at the eye contact thing although in that middle period of my adult years I did manage it in a way that no one complained about it. But then, as I started to get more and more worn down through the years, I just stopped trying on that level. The good thing is that nowadays I think more people accept it and don’t automatically do the knee jerk “it means they’re dishonest or lying” thing. There’s just no way I can look at someone in the eyes and not get distracted from what I’m thinking. So I have to look away, usually up into the sky, where I won’t be distracted, and I can speak my true thoughts.

@sventer198 1 month ago

Was diagnosed with “hyperactivity”, later ADHD and have 3 adult kids with AUDHD and several grandchildren too. It was difficult for my children to get diagnosed because they are intelligent and I taught them my own coping mechanisms from a very young age because that is how we fit into society. It is exactly like that for us when we meet people. So many parts to think about.

@nicoleleonard3134 2 months ago

This video was so helpful, thank you❣

My issue right now is I am having a really hard transition with my partner of 25 years. He is 2E, (he's a genius with ADHD.) And I have been realizing that I am AuDHD. I got diagnosed with ADHD two years ago and that started me down this line of research. So now that we know, we're both trying to reconnect, but we're so frustrated with one another. I have a multitude of other health problems and mental health issues. But it boils down to I feel like he's not understanding me and he's constantly saying he understands me, but he thinks it's my behavior and communication that is the problem. Sometimes I find myself yelling at him for no reason and I'm just trying to say how I feel about something and he takes it like I'm attacking him. Its like I don't have the mask in place and I can't talk normal speak, I sound unhinged. Its so frustrating to find common ground and connect. So I am truly trying every conversation to monitor my tone, volume, and inflections. Keeping my emotional disregulation in check as well, and it's exhausting!!! Plus with my Fibromyalgia, diabetes, PCOS, Thyroid issues, GERD/IBS, Perimenopause, and my MDD, GAD, PTSD, CPTSD, and finally, Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, I am a MESS!!! I suffered a severe burnout event in 2019, and have been at home bed rotting since then. My body is stuck in survival mode and I'm struggling just to make it through every minute of my day, unless I'm spaced out and then lose hours. My partner takes my isolating so personally and its not. I'm just too exhausted, overwhelmed, and overstimulated!!! Somedays I have absolutely nothing to give. This is NOT living, and I don't know where to go with all this.😭😖