This is like something Michael Scott would put together.

"You just got genital diabetes. You don't know me!" Literally dying.

"That's why the Indians deserved it " weirdest intros from SNL

This reminds me of the D.A.R.E. programs we sat through in the '90's.  We learned that PCP is called "Angel Dust" on "the streets."  But mostly we were just happy to have a break from our regular classes.

You don't have a pen... grab one from the assailant :DDD  I died.

"STREET SMARTS!"

7 out of 4 teenagers contract genital diabetes by their early 20s.

"Two fingers! Here. Two fingers ..can blind your assailant" [uses fingers to block view, not gouge eyeballs] lol. "If you do. Not.  Have a pen, borrow the assailant's." Gold.

I always do that thing with the pen when someone's about to shoot me. It's kept me out of trouble over the years. Nice to see SNL helping the community.

The Be Safe Gang walked so Scared Straight could run

'And that, is why the indians deserved it.' hahahaha The writers on this show have got balls of steel !

"I SAID GIMME YOUR MONEY" *i'm on a phone call* "oh sorry"

Amy knows her lines. She is the chosen one from the last ten years of SNL.

Parnell's judging face from across the room is great

1. If you are ever held at gunpoint, simply fart and wave it towards the assailant. This will offend the attacker and he/she will leave you alone.
2. If you are ever held at banana point, simply eat the banana without removing it from the attackers' hand, thereby, rendering the offender defenseless.
3. If you are ever hit on by Sarah Michelle Gellar, walk away, it's a trap...but still ask for her number just in case it's not because like, you never know, she might be on the rebound or something. Yeah...you don't know.

The pen trick is pretty genius, if you ask me.

Now that was what my mom was always trying to tell me with "dont join a gang son, its not worth it" - suddenly I understand

I've grown to appreciate kattan's facial expressions for utter confusion

Mr. Armisen is a genius.

That overbite he has shows perfect self-defense against aggression at any time in any situation.