God I need people to really develop a praxis that's bigger than "I'm just gonna call people out and stop there."

I realized this while talking to male feminists, but a lot of people, no matter their background, just want to feel morally superior. I grew up evangelical and the way these male feminists were talking about sexist men reminded me SO MUCH of the NLTOG white women at church who were just so pious and pure. Like you don't actually care about the things you're saying, you just want to feel better than the people you're talking about. Like, don't get me wrong, I do feel morally superior to some people. There are murderers out there. That's not my issue. It's how performative it's become. Finding your own morality takes time and it feels like these people want to skip the journey and just have a list of rules, but then who gets to decide the rules? That's where my problem lies.

Edit: Nevermind. Doja made my point for me. Weirdly lmao

dead horses hate to see nia coming

I can feel my itty bitty gay brain growing and maturing with these videos

Video hasn't even finished rendering yet and yet here I am

I totally get it, and I love and respect your accountability; I can't forego mentioning that. It's uncommon for people to take credit for the offense they might've caused. But, you don't have to explain yourself at all; I do, however, respect the fact that you're taking this opportunity to be vulnerable. I'll use this as an opportunity for myself. I'm getting further into being out as a lesbian (almost 4 years), and with that, I'm getting more accepting of others' identities. I used to be offended by anyone who challenged my idea of sexuality. He/ him lesbians. Butches on T. Bisexuality (I identified as bi for years, so after claiming lesbianism, it kinda just irked me; I have no valid reason other than animosity). It all used to piss me off because I couldn't fathom people who wore those labels proudly. I craved validity. I felt the need to prove that I'm lesbian. When I was hospitalized (I have a severe seizure disorder and hormonal issues), there was an older butch in the same unit. We would eat lunch together and watch Botched every day. She very frankly asked me one day, "What are you? I noticed all the pride stuff your mom drops off for you." Yes, my mom is a massive p flag mom. I was like, "I think I'm lesbian." She asked, "What the fuck does that even mean?" I responded, "Well, some people are offended by me using that label." Her response kinda changed my entire perspective on things: "Do you feel lesbian?" "Yes." "So then you're lesbian; who cares if other people are offended?" But no, really, who cares? I think the moment we start to understand that people have other perspectives and experiences will be the moment when we can finally live, breathe, and cooperate. There is so much infighting. For a community that claims acceptance, we are some of the most prejudiced people out there. We are relentlessly unforgiving. The labels we choose are supposed to be a device of comfort. They aren't meant to restrain people. Someone's label is their own business. We shouldn't define it for others. It's no one's job to do so. The only person who can give you validation is yourself. I think we just need to let people live. I'm tired of the biphobia and lesbiphobia. I'm tired of how internalized those can be. People rage because of their own insecurity. I see it projected onto others on a daily basis. I gotta ask y'all "Who the fuck cares???". People are being killed for identifying as queer, and here we are policing others' identities. We really ought to learn how to pick better battles. We are going so backwards in time.

when i'm 27 and now googling what shadow work is

"People feel they need a moral reason to not like other people. [...] People cannot just stupid, obnoxious, or annoying. They are harmful, manipulative, toxic."

I will probably cite this quote from you later. I've dealt with east coast big city queers that frame what is purely shit-talking as moral assessment. I think the subconscious drive is the desire to escape the guilt of insulting somebody, but I think it's far more Harmful (lol) to spread the idea that somebody is malicious rather than insufferable.

Especially when you hear how people talk about you; like, if you hear "this bitch's voice is nasally", it's easy to understand it's just somebody's instinctual dislike towards you, and to make your peace with that (or to change this thing, if these people's opinion matters to you). When you hear somebody's disapproval about you framed as a report of your transgression, you can process that in a really unhealthy and unnecessary way, if you haven't learned to filter through who's judgment you respect.

pls tell me you were a speech or debate kid this is a weird compliment but you are an incredible speaker

I think this came out a little vague, with the maybe-11th-hour decision to not relitigate all of your interpersonal beef for the internet. Which I support! I think it's the right attitude.

But I'm thinking about Olurinatti's recent video about how anticarceral thought isn't at odds with supporting & believing victims, how clarifying and specific and messy it was, and... I guess I see why the Lindsay Ellis & contra videos On Cancel Culture do address the specifics of what they've been canceled for amongst the theory. I'm not sure cancel culture "theory" runs that deep. I'm not sure this video added to it. The strongest parts were Ava's testimony of the added scrutiny that come with the VOLUNTEER position she has trying to make space for qtpoc writers. Wish you'd dug more into the way specifics and power dynamics play into it, I guess. That's where I thought you were going with the opening ugly duckling stuff, but I'm not sure where we landed?

i was on twitter regularly for about 6 years and only once i left did it occur to me just how catty everyone on there acts, just like you two described. moving over to the fediverse (mastodon) was a really good choice for my mental health.

Highly recommend Audrey Lordes interview on being a Black lesbian in the 80s really eye opening and as some action you can take to make community that I feel is still valid.

I am very much a fan of your videos, and I ostensibly agree with every point you made, but I always hate how vague videos like this are. So often a creator will make people mad in one way or another and follow that up with a video in which they discuss the broader harm caused by community infighting and thought-policing, and while those are things I very much agree with it always strikes me as suspicious that those discussions don't stem from the thing people were atually discoursing about. Like, I love discourse. Why not directly address the whole "choosing to be a lesbian" discourse from people in your previous video's comments? I genuinely think those people that disagree with you and write lengthy defenses of their interpretation of the lesbian label would benefit from turning this one-way lecture into a community-wide talk! i feel like this video will only push the discourse-brained people away, and while I understand how hard it is to sympathize with the discourse-brained I don't think it's your intention to alienate them since that's most of your audience let's be real lol. Spending so little time actually defending your points and addressing criticism comes across like question-dodging to those that came to your comments to voice concerns, and I fear quoting Contra will write you off entirely to a lot of them lmao. Reaching people so far in it that they'll discredit you for Contra in the thumbnail is hard, but I cannot stress enough that this kind of people IS your audience. Again I love the video and you probably already know all this lol, I don't mean to condescend. I hope the series accomplishes what you want it to accomplish.

Nah but that follow up vid by Doja Cat was so real tho.Ngl with the whole Timothee thing I wondered how many ppl actually gaf about ballet and opera the way the guy got BACKLASH from it.

The thoughtfulness and nuance of this conversation was so niceeeeee!! I’m so over the shame and condemnation based morality plaguing white leftist spaces. I see it constantly after starting to deconstruct it within myself a couple years ago. It’s so much wasted energy from people with no ideas for growth and moving forward. Lovely perspectives to listen to 💚

Just an appreciative shout-out to bittnia's hilarious quips. Huge respect for your writing quality - complex topics articulated clearly, side effects may include spit-takes

please put subtitles on the podcast part also🙏🙏🙏 i really need them:((

First time seeing your channel, intrigued so far, have to pause because “I love thinking, dead horses hate to see me coming” made me snort my coffee. Incredible line.

Yeaa.I feel like videos like this,although I enjoy it,just add to the cycle of polarizing internet discourse where there's a lot of thinking and theory,but not a lot of progress or action.A lot of concepts mentioned like 'accountability' and 'acceptance' and 'appropriate correction' turn abstract if no real,personal examples are shown and examined. As a viewer we can all nod along because we know the dictionary definitions,but do we actually see it in our own lives?Honestly as much as I consume this type of media,I get very tired of the common patterns of attitude I see.Think pieces on social media(ESPECIALLY on substack but mainly twt,tiktok,insta,youtube) on the culture always seem to turn into a breeding ground for echo chambers,even if the author of said pieces are ironically against the idea of echo chambers.

Idkkkk....What to change?I guess this is a product of how the current internet is designed.I wonder how we can change this.How much fault is this on creators than it is on viewers like me (and the person reading this ^_^) for how internet discourse seems to breed hypersensitivity , parasocial-ity and de-individuation?
Idkkkk....Do I truly care about what I type in this comment enough to think about what I said,even when I click off the video?Or am I just filling my boredom up with vapid sentiments too?
Idkkk.....Jk

great writing girl. time is gonna serve this video well