The Advert
In this installment of Count Arthur Strong's radio show, Count Arthur attempts to mentor Malcolm in acting, stagecraft, and personality. Malcolm has an upcoming audition for a toffee commercial where he is slated to play a depressed grandson.
Against Malcolm's wishes, Arthur insists on accompanying him to the audition, masquerading as his grandfather, believing his own celebrity status will secure the role for Malcolm and possibly for himself.
Before the audition, Arthur unsuccessfully tries to exchange a large bag of loose change for notes at a building society, facing refusal.
At the "Matthews and Matthews" casting call, Arthur causes significant confusion and disruption by misrepresenting his and Malcolm's relationship and the audition schedule.
During an improvised scene for the commercial, Arthur struggles to be natural, instead reminiscing about Malcolm's childhood and their fishing trips, attempting to align the commercial's narrative with his own fabricated memories.
The audition concludes without an immediate decision, and Arthur once again fails to exchange his money at another building society.
Characters and Actors
• Count Arthur Strong (Steve Delaney)
• Malcolm (Terry Kilkelly)
Sue Perkins, Alistister Kerr, and Dave Mountfield are also credited as appearing in these productions.
The radio show begins by introducing Count Arthur Strong, a show business legend, raconteur, and president for life of the Doncaster Ear Trumpet Association. His personal "love affair with the ear trumpet" started when he was a small boy.
Count Arthur visits a shop to buy a tent. He demands to see "proper" tents, dismissing the popular pop-up ones as "dangerous" after a close acquaintance nearly had an eye put out, ruining a holiday to "Ky for a fortnight" where they had to keep one eye shut. He seeks a tent with ample room but not one as large as a "living room," humorously referencing Captain Cook of the Arctic (whom he insists was "very well spoken" and like John Mills), despite being corrected that it was Scott of the Antarctic.
Later, Arthur receives a flyer for a new "Gastro Pub" (which he variously calls a "gastric thing" or "gastric juice bar") offering a free drink voucher.
After initially refusing, he eagerly accepts it. He then attempts to procure more vouchers by claiming to be a celebrity, "Count Arthur Strong," known for his role in an "airplane crash" episode of "Casualty," and even tries to get one for "Sooty," whom he claims to have fed. Jack, one of the pub owners, subsequently offers Arthur a position as a resident celebrity to "prop the bar up and meet and greet people," comparing him to "Keith Floyd and George Best," in exchange for free drinks. Arthur accepts, but firmly states he will not collect glasses.
At the "Gastric" pub, Arthur, asserting his role as the resident celebrity, demands multiple free drinks using his accumulated vouchers. He argues with the staff about his wine choices and requests a tray, stating he is there "to meet and graze on people," yet immediately seeks a quiet corner to avoid conversation. He instructs someone to tell others that Ronnie Corbett (whom he confusingly refers to as "Ronny Nibblet" then "Corbett," claiming he was his "absolute fitist on the black and white Ronny show") has just gone to the lavatory.
He then sits uninvited between a couple, instigating an argument, and reveals he was sent by Susan to play a prank on one of the pub owners. He claims to have known Susan "since she was a baby," supposedly in South Africa, a "beautiful country" of "Nelson's mandolin" and "Taber Cloth Mountain." Emotionally, he then "tenderizes" his resignation, deeming the pub a "shambles" and his position "utterly inedible," and departs with a bottle of wine as his severance package.
Arthur then recalls his scout trip, believing the departure time is 3:00 PM. However, Jeffrey informs him that the mini bus left at 2:00 PM. Blaming "someone's incompetence writing on my hand" for the incorrect time, Arthur "commandeers" Jeffrey and his vehicle to transport him to the "Brooklyn's Bacons" (Brecon Beacons), invoking the authority vested in him by "Douglas Bader Powell and Pressburger" in the name of the Boy Scouts of England. Jeffrey, despite initial reluctance, drives them into a thick fog. Arthur, again proclaiming his survivalist expertise, directs Jeffrey to pull off the road.
Arthur attempts to collect wood for a fire, but bumps his head on a post, only to discover that they are at "The King's Arms" pub, located on a roundabout in the middle of Cardiff, not a remote field. He promptly orders a pint of the best beer and a meat pie.
Characters and Actors:
• Count Arthur Strong: Steve Delaney
• Appearing with Count Arthur Strong: Sue Perkins, Alistair Kerr, Dave Mounfield
• Script Writer: Steve Delaney
• Editor: Graeme Duff
• Producers: John Leonard, Mark Radcliffe
The Advert
In this installment of Count Arthur Strong's radio show, Count Arthur attempts to mentor Malcolm in acting, stagecraft, and personality. Malcolm has an upcoming audition for a toffee commercial where he is slated to play a depressed grandson.
Against Malcolm's wishes, Arthur insists on accompanying him to the audition, masquerading as his grandfather, believing his own celebrity status will secure the role for Malcolm and possibly for himself.
Before the audition, Arthur unsuccessfully tries to exchange a large bag of loose change for notes at a building society, facing refusal.
At the "Matthews and Matthews" casting call, Arthur causes significant confusion and disruption by misrepresenting his and Malcolm's relationship and the audition schedule.
During an improvised scene for the commercial, Arthur struggles to be natural, instead reminiscing about Malcolm's childhood and their fishing trips, attempting to align the commercial's narrative with his own fabricated memories.
The audition concludes without an immediate decision, and Arthur once again fails to exchange his money at another building society.
Characters and Actors
• Count Arthur Strong (Steve Delaney)
• Malcolm (Terry Kilkelly)
Sue Perkins, Alistister Kerr, and Dave Mountfield are also credited as appearing in these productions.
The radio show begins by introducing Count Arthur Strong, a show business legend, raconteur, and president for life of the Doncaster Ear Trumpet Association. His personal "love affair with the ear trumpet" started when he was a small boy.
Count Arthur visits a shop to buy a tent. He demands to see "proper" tents, dismissing the popular pop-up ones as "dangerous" after a close acquaintance nearly had an eye put out, ruining a holiday to "Ky for a fortnight" where they had to keep one eye shut. He seeks a tent with ample room but not one as large as a "living room," humorously referencing Captain Cook of the Arctic (whom he insists was "very well spoken" and like John Mills), despite being corrected that it was Scott of the Antarctic.
Later, Arthur receives a flyer for a new "Gastro Pub" (which he variously calls a "gastric thing" or "gastric juice bar") offering a free drink voucher.
After initially refusing, he eagerly accepts it. He then attempts to procure more vouchers by claiming to be a celebrity, "Count Arthur Strong," known for his role in an "airplane crash" episode of "Casualty," and even tries to get one for "Sooty," whom he claims to have fed. Jack, one of the pub owners, subsequently offers Arthur a position as a resident celebrity to "prop the bar up and meet and greet people," comparing him to "Keith Floyd and George Best," in exchange for free drinks. Arthur accepts, but firmly states he will not collect glasses.
At the "Gastric" pub, Arthur, asserting his role as the resident celebrity, demands multiple free drinks using his accumulated vouchers. He argues with the staff about his wine choices and requests a tray, stating he is there "to meet and graze on people," yet immediately seeks a quiet corner to avoid conversation. He instructs someone to tell others that Ronnie Corbett (whom he confusingly refers to as "Ronny Nibblet" then "Corbett," claiming he was his "absolute fitist on the black and white Ronny show") has just gone to the lavatory.
He then sits uninvited between a couple, instigating an argument, and reveals he was sent by Susan to play a prank on one of the pub owners. He claims to have known Susan "since she was a baby," supposedly in South Africa, a "beautiful country" of "Nelson's mandolin" and "Taber Cloth Mountain." Emotionally, he then "tenderizes" his resignation, deeming the pub a "shambles" and his position "utterly inedible," and departs with a bottle of wine as his severance package.
Arthur then recalls his scout trip, believing the departure time is 3:00 PM. However, Jeffrey informs him that the mini bus left at 2:00 PM. Blaming "someone's incompetence writing on my hand" for the incorrect time, Arthur "commandeers" Jeffrey and his vehicle to transport him to the "Brooklyn's Bacons" (Brecon Beacons), invoking the authority vested in him by "Douglas Bader Powell and Pressburger" in the name of the Boy Scouts of England. Jeffrey, despite initial reluctance, drives them into a thick fog. Arthur, again proclaiming his survivalist expertise, directs Jeffrey to pull off the road.
Arthur attempts to collect wood for a fire, but bumps his head on a post, only to discover that they are at "The King's Arms" pub, located on a roundabout in the middle of Cardiff, not a remote field. He promptly orders a pint of the best beer and a meat pie.
Characters and Actors:
• Count Arthur Strong: Steve Delaney
• Appearing with Count Arthur Strong: Sue Perkins, Alistair Kerr, Dave Mounfield
• Script Writer: Steve Delaney
• Editor: Graeme Duff
• Producers: John Leonard, Mark Radcliffe