OpenTube

Why They Hate You: The Metaphysics of Sibling Resentment (Cain & Abel)

Blake Anderson, RSW

27,258 views

READY TO GO BEYOND THE VIDEO?

The Ascent gives you a self-paced course, a private community, and two live calls with me each week — a structured place to work with the guilt, grief, and family pressure that insight alone does not resolve.

Join The Ascent → https://the-holding-space.circle.so/c...

Prefer to start free? Take the assessment and download the workbook → https://blaketherapy.ca/the-ultimate-...

Why does the narcissistic sibling resent the "good" sibling? In this deep dive, we explore the biblical story of Cain and Abel not just as a religious text, but as the fundamental psychological blueprint for sibling rivalry and the destruction of the ideal.

Drawing on the works of Jordan Peterson, Murray Bowen, and Sam Vaknin, we analyze how the "metaphysics of resentment" plays out in dysfunctional families. We look at how the Scapegoat (Abel) represents a mirror of competence that the Narcissist (Cain) cannot bear, leading to a desire to "murder" the ideal—whether physically or through character assassination.

We also examine the allegorical film Mother! (2017) to visualize these dynamics and discuss the path to healing: going No Contact, integrating the Shadow (Carl Jung), and breaking the multi-generational transmission process.

In this video, we cover:

The Cain & Abel Archetype: Understanding the metaphysics of resentment and why the "ideal" is targeted.

Jordan Peterson’s Analysis: How refusal to take responsibility leads to murderous rage.

Bowen Family Systems: How anxiety is offloaded onto an "Identified Patient" (The Scapegoat).

Sam Vaknin’s Insights: The "Dead Mother" complex and the narcissist's binary worldview.

The Hero’s Journey: The necessity of No Contact and overcoming the guilt of leaving.

Shadow Work: Integrating your own capacity for resentment to achieve true individuation.

References & Concepts:

Jordan Peterson (Biblical Series)

Murray Bowen (Family Systems Theory)

Sam Vaknin (Narcissism & The Dead Mother Complex)

Carl Jung (The Shadow & Individuation)

Movie: Mother! (2017)

Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction: The Cain & Abel Archetype 01:15 The Metaphysics of Resentment & Jordan Peterson’s Analysis 04:20 Narcissistic Family Dynamics: Why the Scapegoat is Targeted 08:59 Bowen Family Systems: Anxiety & The Hydraulic Model 10:19 The Scapegoat as the "Garbage Can" of the Family 16:45 The Movie Mother! as an Allegory for Narcissism 21:30 Sam Vaknin: The False Self & The Dead Mother Complex 26:32 The Hero's Journey: Going No Contact & The Extinction Burst 31:08 Carl Jung: Integrating the Shadow & The "Cain" Within Us 36:44 Breaking the Cycle: Becoming the Circuit Breaker

Resources & Support:

🏔 Join the Sovereign Scapegoats — courses, community & weekly live calls: https://the-holding-space.circle.so/T...

📅 Book a 1:1 Consultation: https://calendly.com/blake-andersons-...

🌐 Visit My Website: https://blaketherapy.ca/

📖 Read the Blog: https://blaketherapy.ca/narcissistic-...

📸 Follow on Instagram: Instagram: blakeandersontherapy

☕ Support the Mission: Fuel the mission. Your support empowers me to create free, in-depth mental health content for everyone: https://paypal.me/blakeandersonj

Disclaimer: This video shares my professional reasoning and insights for educational purposes only and does not constitute personalized therapy advice. For guidance tailored to your individual circumstances, please consult a licensed therapist or qualified professional.

#NarcissisticAbuse #CainAndAbel #JordanPeterson #FamilySystems #ScapegoatRecovery #ShadowWork #BlakeAndersonTherapy

20 Comments

@BlakeAndersontherapy Creator 2 months ago Pinned

Understanding the family system is the first step. The harder part is living differently when the guilt, grief, and pressure return.

The Ascent is my self-paced course and private community, with two live calls each week. If you want a structured place to do the work with support, you can join here:
https://the-holding-space.circle.so/checkout/the-ascent-quarterly

If you are not ready for that, keep using the videos. They are here for you.

@Lucyjones2356 8 months ago

3 narc sisters and a schizophrenic brother all tried to destroy me. Had to walk away. No contact for years now. At least I am not being abused anymore. Have to watch friends also as they can betray you also. No longer emotionally depleted anymore. Just go no contact with toxic people .

@Marsunara 2 months ago (edited)

I was the scapegoat for my siblings. But what they did not realise is: I was not a scapegoat for myself. I have tried everything to help them whenever they needed something, just because I felt loyal to them as a sister, but when things got really, really bad in my personal life and they ignored or ridiculed it, I knew I stood alone. I had no energy to try to reach out to them, and that was my turning point. I took the grief, the loneliness, and accepted the reality of being alone. Their rage grew, every time we saw each other in the extended family group, and they excluded me from really every closer family event. That hurt at times. I never tried to connect with them again. It is years later now, I feel the enormous inner distance I have towards them, almost as if they are strangers (which they have become in fact). I know for sure, if one of them passes away, I will light a candle and say a prayer at home, but not attend their funeral. Remember: you are not defined by such people, you can choose your own way and are worth to do so.

@sallyfry6741 8 months ago

The child that reginized the Emperor wears no clothes.

@fighterpilot247 1 month ago

I went no contact and they told me if I left to never come back. Lol... I got out of the car and told them that that was my plan, to never come back. I got back into the car and left. Was that the end, not for them. Then my mom called daily and I would hang up as soon as I heard her evil voice. Then my dad called and I made the mistake of coming back into the family. But in those days, we didn't know what a scapegoat was. I didn't know until about 10 years ago. I'm 78 almost 79 and I'm living my best life now. Healing a scapegoat is possible. Good video!!

@mm669 8 months ago

"the garbage can of the family", very sad that statement resonants with me.

@JohnSmith-nc6ul 7 months ago

This was my older brother, just 2 of us. Parents allowed and enabled this abuse all my life. He got much worse the older he got. It escalated after our parents died. It was horrific. No contact.

@melliecrann-gaoth4789 9 months ago

Peace and self respect for is all for 2026
Deep gratitude to Blake for your work and generosity. Truly this is a service to humanity.

@dahliaseraphina 8 months ago

This was such a helpful video. I’ve wondered for 57 years why my brother (who is 10 years older than me) always hated my guts since I was born. We had no relationship my entire life. We grew up in the same house, yet I can’t recall him ever speaking to me or interacting with me my entire life. I think there was only a handful of sentences he ever spoke to me, or that’s what it feels like, as he seems very personality disordered and a very angry and rageful type of person. I never understood his mood disorder or how he could hate an adorable little girl who was 10 years younger. Now it all makes sense! Thank you! 🙏

@_ross5800 9 months ago

It's almost painful listening to this.

Thank you, solid talk.

@blueberry3168 9 months ago (edited)

Story of my life. Fortunately I’m no longer their scapegoat having gone no contact. Thanks great explanation and always helpful to revisit my family of origin dynamics and understand just how evil these people are as well as to remind myself how amazing I am to have survived. Although still struggling with people pleasing behaviours at least I am now aware of it.

@SallyIronic 9 months ago

They rejected my BE - ING, the I AM inside of me. They literally don't want me to be. They have been attempting to kill me for a long time, without being arrested, for a long time.

@sandrathomas2893 8 months ago

The spirit wars against the flesh.
The narcissist becomes spiritually dead( abandons the self) and operates through the ego; the false constructed self( grandiosity/ pride) they pull others and their children into this shared fantasy. You're scapegoated, essentially, if you don't play along( uphold the false narratives) in the script.

" Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"

- The man behind the curtain

@mcmorrowm 2 weeks ago

The hardest thing for me, anyway, to bear, is the number of people who went along with my narc family. And....all the others in my home were hurt by her, too. Why did they scapegoat me and another sister instead of joining together as an alliance. People's capability for disloyalty and for schadenfreude stands out as an example of how vile and also how just plain dumb so many people are.

@Fefe559 9 months ago

Man, this is GOLD... THANK YOU

@joanharder2124 4 months ago

I am the youngest, only girl with 7 brothers. Went to one of my brothers funeral a few years ago and overheard someone say, I didn’t even know that he had a sister. …not the first time I have heard that. Got sober when I was 25, only sober family member. When I got sober I was warned by therapist to move away from family of origin if I wanted to stay sober.

Btw, brother died of alcoholism . Probably the 1st of many to follow.

@inHTW 9 months ago

I still cannot get my around this ... I genuinely loved him

He brutally betrayed abandoned me and maliciously set me astray....he became a malignant narc like my parents...with a touch of sadism

@jeynjohnston 7 months ago

The sad part is they can't turn time around to reclaim any innocent memories. Those were destroyed for them by their singular purpose that wanted to destroy something innocent who made them jealous.

@karenmininni4962 8 months ago

I truly believe how you are integrating survival and healing for scapegoat recovery will save lives. No doubt. I cannot express my gratitude for your expertise to facilitate healing and ability to move forward and reduce emotional pain.

@BritWorth-ym5ww 5 months ago

Reason I walked too.. narcissistic mother created a hotbed of ignored or smothered siblings. I was middle and forgotten but ignored when abused too. Turned to art and music to escape. Sadly I married the same brand of narc and finally walked 5 yrs ago. I now see my mother used my sister even while openly feuding with her. Later all the siblings gathered around sister( she’s wealthy and sends lots of shiny Amazon packages). Now, I’m solo and my nervous system handles that. Even reunited with cousins that were black listed. Better life without siblings, mom, ex and even children. Sad I tolerated it so long.