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I think society is so used to authoritarian parenting, that people are now calling authoritative parenting "gentle", and are being criticised by people who confuse gentle with "permissive".

I think for a lot of people, gentle parenting is basically not aggressive/hostile parenting, like yelling, screaming, hitting, grabbing, etc. The fact that a lot of parents who are authoritative label their parenting as 'gentle' shows how many of those parents used to be children of aggressive/hostile parenting. The bar was just set really low, which is quite sad but also a sign of progress 🌟

I dont personally use time outs because my child is adopted, so there are layers of abandonment issues that I don't want to reinforce. We will do "time ins" where we sit together for a time out, or she has to sit and be bored for a bit in the same room as us.

“Gentle Parenting” is when adults who were abused as children have the emotional maturity & proper healing to understand their own children deserve far better than the mistreatment & trauma they faced. They understand what they experienced wasn’t normal or ok & the generational trauma ends with them.

People who are mad at or mock this have yet to heal through their own childhood traumas and honest to god believe they, much like their parents, are great at raising their children, only because they managed to do so without killing it.

These parents putting their kids on TikTok just doesn't sit right with me, especially when the kids are being emotional. The tiktok with the woman explaining the stick hitting the tv was perfectly fine because there were no kids in the video, so it doesn't bother me. I can't be the only one that thinks this way, right?

I consider myself a gentle parent before that became a thing.   That doesn’t mean letting kids do whatever they want.  My kids are 22, 19, 17 all boys and they absolutely adore me and we are super close but they have their own lives.  I was very responsive, I had rules that made sense, consequences were generally natural.  They don’t lie (often to their detriment), they don’t sneak, they are honest and kind.  They aren’t perfect people but that has never been the goal.

The people who criticize “gentle parenting” are just abusers who think not hitting or yelling at your kids is “spoiling” them. We shouldn’t even need a term like “gentle parenting”. NOT abusing your kids isn’t gentle. It’s the bare f*cking minimum.

You don't have to be a parent in order to know how to rise a child in the same way you don't need to have cancer to know how to treat it.

I really feel like the reason why many people (not all) see timeouts as being abusive, is because the way that you explained what a timeout should be and the way that they experienced what their parents defined as a time out, are extremely different. A time out where a child is sent to go collect themselves and calm down, is so different from the many people who were sent away to their rooms because the parent would say something like " I don't want to see you right now,!" or "I don't want to see you until tomorrow. And I better not hear from you again tonight, you are (insert belittling adjective here)." What were called timeouts for many, was really more like solitary confinement after a good dressing down. They felt like they were sent away to be isolated with no opportunity to apologize or for reconciliation for what seemed to be an unreasonable amount of time. If this is what they perceive a time out to be, then they might remember when they were a child and they would spend hours crying in their room, not fully understanding what was happening but just knowing that their parents were extremely angry and thought lowly of them and there was nothing they could do about it - to do that to their own child would be unconscionable. Again, I'm not saying that this is everybody who feels timeouts are abusive, and I'm also definitely not saying that's what timeouts really are, but I am saying I've come across a lot of people who don't like the idea of timeouts and this is the exact reason. Especially if they got a beating first, and then were told to go think about it alone.

empath is not fully cooked yet. love that

14:38 the reason people have been trying to move away from immediate apologies is cuz they don’t want their kids to grow up only ever giving meaningless apologies. They want them to actually reflect on their actions. They don’t want a person who says sorry just to say sorry.

I recently learned my mom was a gentle parent, I told her about it and she said that she just never wanted to unnecesarily stress us over things that weren't that big of a deal like getting perfect grades, but she also didn't want for us to be lazy or to be left behind for example. Can't say she did everything right from what I know now, but I feel fine with my parental experience.

I often found the way my mom used time-outs hurtful because what it communicated to me was that she didnt want to do the work of working out what was wrong unless I fit her standard of communication. I have always been a big crier (even now as an adult) and she would essentially send me away to calm down if I was crying during a conflict, but i couldn't talk about what was wrong without starting to cry. So while I completely agree that time outs are not inherently abusive,  my emotional reaction to the idea is stronger than my intellectual understanding of their positive uses.

This video actually gave me a more positive understanding of the gentle parenting trend. I think I rushed to conflate it with the prevalence of helicopter parenting, thanks for your fair analysis of gentle parenting.

"Gentle parenting" is just what people who were raised in brutally authoritarian households call authoritative parenting.

Ppeople took 'not saying no' the wrong way.   Kids don't know the other behavior we expect when we say "Dont slam the door!" We need to show them the expected behavior: "instead of soaking the door,  even if we are upset, that could break it. We need to shut it gently. 99% of the time with this method the child does the expected behavior. They simply don't know.

Such a great take. Would love to hear more about child development and psychology from you.

I like the videos with these examples of gentle parenting because the parents are firm and empathetic at the same time. One thing that I would add is that with very young children, I ask them to make sure that the person they hurt is okay, rather than to just say sorry. I find that some very young children tend to think they can continue to do whatever they want and hurt others as long as they say sorry afterwards.

On another note, it sounds like you will be an awesome mom when the baby is born!

I just want you to know that your content is amazing! Many therapist gatekeep information from the public. (Which I understand) You are overall such a blessing to many people and we have learned so much from you!