I'm so glad to live in a time when regretting motherhood is publicly discussed and researched, so I can make an informed decision.

Offering $5,000 for someone to have a baby is like offering a $500 cash incentive for someone to buy a $50,000 car.  It's a tactic to try and get people to make an unwise and impulsive decision that will keep them in debt and compliant for the foreseeable future.

growing up with parents that regret your existence is so painful. for the child it's confusing, hurtful and deeply deeply painful. knowing your parents didn't actually want you and couldn't love you leaves a wound that hurts your entire life.
please think very carefully before having children.
only have children if you are prepared for the "worst of the worst" case scenario. take parenting classes, spend time with children, go to therapy for your own traumas so you can be the healthiest parent you can be, even get trained in special needs parenting because the fact is every time you have a child you have a chance of having a child with profound medical needs.

i always wanted kids,  and i did take all of those steps before having children. because i was treated as a burden by my own parents and i didn't want my kids to ever, ever feel like a burden or ever feel unwanted. i was blamed for my mom's body issues, blamed for my parent's divorce, i was the "baby trap" my parents got married because my mom was pregnant with me. my mom still treats me like the black sheep of the family.

i have no regrets about having kids. i went to therapy, i parent with empathy and when i mess up i apologize and seek to do better. i know i'm not perfect, i see parenting as a give and take between parent and child, i do attachment parenting and my main focus is on relationship and empathy. some of my kids are grown now and we have a really good healthy relationship. i sought to be the parent i never had. i made sure my kids knew that they are treasured, wanted and loved no matter what.

I believe too many people think, "well, kids are cute and it's easy to have fun with them", and then falsely and irrationally think THAT'S what parenthood will be like. Nooo - that's what being the aunt or uncle or family friend is like! Sure, parents can have a lot of fun moments with their kids too -- but they ALSO get the illnesses, the temper tantrums, the sleepless nights, the fights, the screaming, the diaper changes when they're little, the constant food and snack prepping, the never-ending dishes and laundry and other chores.

I wish anyone who chooses to be a parent that it'll bring them deep fulfillment, but quite frankly, I would hate dealing with all of the above. And I wish people were more realistic about those facts before having kids.

Oh goodness. My optimistic ass thought “regretful parents” meant parents who felt they made mistakes when raising their children, that they could have done a better job. Good to know I still have the capacity for disappointment?

I don't hate kids, but i would hate being a parent. Kids can be great, but they're far too overwhelming for me. I can barely take decent care of myself most days! No kid needs to be subjected to my issues 24/7. I can be the "village" for friends and family with their own kids, but I look forward to being able to pass the tots back off to their parents at the end of the day, lol.

As a 22 year old when I have a bad or long day at work and come back home sometimes feeling tired or mad I remind myself is "Hey at least you don't have a kid."

I dont hate kids, but i know that my wishy-washy unsure stance on having them is not a good mindeet for to go into with parenting

What decided it for me when considering children is this: my greatest comfort in life and the only reasons I can make decisions at all is that I can change my mind at any time and choose a new path. Parenting is the one decision where you can't change your mind after the fact. If I rationalized to myself that I could handle kids, had them, and then realized after that I am NOT cut out for it there's nothing I can do, these beings already exist. So no, I won't become a parent, there are no take backsies.

I was raised by a regretful parent- my dad. He hated me and would tell me never to have kids. I grew up with a contempt for children. It has dissipated now but I’m too old to have kids by the time I was psychologically healthy enough to even form a healthy romantic relationship. I knew I wouldn’t have children in middle school.

As a child of a regretful mother (don't know about my father, but my mother said it outright to me), I absolutely have empathy for my mother. I am now at the age where my mother had me (4yo at the time) and my younger brother (1yo at the time) and it must have been hell on earth with how little support she had. I barely have my life together and I only have 2 cats.
But.
I am still no contact with her today because she literally ruined my childhood by letting me now "how much work" I was - aka a normal child with normal needs. To the point that I developed a boquet of mental problems.
So yes. I think we can have both. Empathy for the parents who are regretting their situation - and still hold them accountable for how they act as parents.

'Stop forcing people to have children. Give Access to aborion and sexual education'. Amen to that! Greetings from Poland. 😉

Realizing that they made a choice they didn't really wanted to do  (have children). They only did it because family, friends, and society told them they should have kids. And never really ask themselves if this is something they truly want. People feel pressure to be parents. If this wasn't the case. Then there would be less regretful parents.

I didn't have kids until my late 30s and I'm both so glad I did it and so glad I waited. I don't think I would have persued parenthood if I hadn't found a partner I wanted to have kids with. We lived our lives, got our educations, partied, and then when we'd had enough of that we started a family. We are very fortunate: we love each other and our kids, everyone is healthy, we're financially secure. My partner is a devoted coparent, and I am a much more patient person than I used to be. We're in a good place and did it the right way for us, not because we're masterminds, it just sort of worked out this way. No regrets here.

I love kids, but motherhood seems tiring and too much for my mental health.

I've known for around 15 years that, were I to have a child, I would regret it for the rest of my life. Last year, I saw what was coming in the US and seized what might be a closing window of opportunity. I am now sterile. Pregnancy has been an impossibility for most of those 15 years, but the emotional relief of having that biological "vulnerability" removed still fills me with a strange elation. I am indescribably grateful that I had the opportunity to do that for myself.
My heart is full of compassion for anyone who feels regret over having children. The way they act on that feeling will define their lives and their children's lives, so I hope that they learn to manage that regret.

A small part of why I don’t want kids is because I know for a fact that I would resent them. Children don’t deserve a parent who resents them.

The large part is the fact that if earth had yelp reviews, I wouldn’t recommend this place to anyone. Half a star out of five because at least I’ll die someday.

Some folks, like myself, shouldn’t be parents.

Even as someone with one child that I absolutely do not regret and I'm grateful for every day, I do have empathy for people that feel this way because wow.... There is so much sadness and anger and resentment in the posts.

It's gonna be a tough thing to fix, because like... telling someone that is feeling regret and resentment that they need to change their behaviour/do a whole bunch of work for the benefit of the very thing they resent and regret is gonna be a hard sell. Not saying it isn't necessary, children deserve and need parents who are going to treat them well and there's no way around that, but this world sure as hell isn't set up in a way that is conducive to achieving that goal.

Growing up with parents that in some ways didn't have the energy and the mental flexibility around being a parent taught me one sure thing: Never become a parent if you don't have energy left for it. If your life is hard as it is being single, caring for your own household and perhaps a pet and trying to figure out how to be a good friend and partner and you feel exhausted please try to stay away from getting children. No matter if people say that kids give you energy, they will also drain you up. My mom got me as part of her "I'm perfectly normal" scheme of lying about how normal and regular she was. Behind the walls she tried to lure me into a mental environment that was built on the same principles as in cults to force me to "show the world that she was normal", this ended up making me super vulnerable to getting raped, being used and never have friends and loving people around me. This caused me to develop trauma so deep that I am sure that I will never be able to detangle myself from every aspects of the trauma. So my childfree choice is based on a very selfless and loving feeling both for myself, the cat that I at times do care for but have low energy for and the unborn child that could have been. There's too many children that grow up as myself. No need to adding to the problems.