I think avoidants are emotional losers, and she took a huge risk of getting burned by spending all that emotional energy on you.  You sound slow-witted to me.  So I think you were probably VERY lucky to have stumbled into helpful insights AND got to have her as part of the ride.  You're lucky you didn't spend your whole life ruining one good thing after another.

The question is this.... How patient, loyal and understanding were YOU?????

So, in other words, you were abusive and wanted her to give and give and adjust and compromise all for you and because of our childhood wounds. She had to do most of the emotional labor on the chance that MAYBE you might get it and make the change….

Umm, no thanks. Way too much to navigate, and there is no guarantee you will stay. I mean, you mentioned her “passing a test” as if you’re quizzing her love. I dont need any avoidant to “choose me.” I choose me.

I say, run FAR away from these people
. They only care about themselves and their wounds. They don’t give a damn about how their behavior affects you.

I will never get involved with an avoidant ever again. Let someone else have the problems and drama that they bring to a situationship.

Avoidant wants loyalty but when an loyal girl loves them they disrespect her and do all the things which crushes and down her.
The main thing is they are a great liers, whatever they said in beginning everything will be an lie which you find out afterwards after break up 😅

I'm glad you and Carolina worked it out but man, you were a MAJOR pain in the ass!!!

I'm an avoidant. The relationship with my girlfriend lasted 8 months. I was overwhelmed and suffocated by the love she gave me. So I broke up with her and deactivated. I said I just wanted to be friends. This lasted 5 months then we tried again. It was easier for me the second time, but she was hurt and found it hard to trust me. So she decided to say we were just friends again. Though with benefits. After 5 months she began to resent me. I could sense that. Then she told me she was leaving to another part of England. That's the point when I became aware that I was avoidant. I was in complete denial about it before. We're still in contact. I've been to see her twice and the chemistry between us is amazing. I would like to think she's the one, but I keep doubting myself. I keep fearing that she will give up on me.

Thank you for this video. I'm a fearful avoidant woman in her late 40's. He's a dimissive avoidant with, I suspect, covert narcissism traits, and very immature at 40, very charming too... At my age and having dealt with my own issues and challenges, I couldn't deal with the disrespect, low effort and cowardness, I had to go no contact. I don't think it happened to him before, he is very used to being chased. All I want is to enjoy life, I'm not letting anyone ruin it for me. It's been painful because there was a lot of potential if he had been more intentional. I've always showed him love though because I deeply care and he knows it, and I called him out too, with love❤ You can't force things, it is what it is.

They want loyalty but doesn't want to do the same.

I was discarded and she said I was too much for being emotional and asked for consistency

Avoidants are just exhausting 😪 How does one come back after months, apologizes and is even trying to win my trust again yet he does the same thing all over again? At this point is there an universal amount of rounds y’all need to stop this childish behavior?

Sorry had to vent after seeing this cuz what.. 😂 this time I didn’t even bother to reach out after he went silent again for the nth time. I’m over it.

I have been told "I want to be wanted and needed." I assured him he was wanted and needed. He changed the subject and has trouble now even sending messages to me. He said I have a light around me and am different from all the rest. I was flawed, speechless. Never in my wildest dreams expected anyone to say something like that to me. I responded with "thank you, I really appreciate that." He has gone from being busy to needing space, but at least naming when he is having his space and what he is doing (opening up). He quizzed me on something that occurred 30+yrs ago (his mother in background saying ask this) I took a pause a said "I heard that rumour back then as well." Is this all part of the loyalty and trust? I have informed him he he doesn't need to fix everything for me when I come to him to talk about something. Just listening is help. I have had no response again. He goes on months of hiatus of these. His mother is in the background. Trapped by family.

I appreciate this because sometimes I worry I’m TOO patient and understanding, that he and I will both lose respect for me if I keep being so gentle and consistently loving even when he pulls away.  However I think it’s a matter of whether or not you’re secure when you do this, and that you genuinely are able to self soothe and enjoy your life outside of the relationship   - which I am and I do now after many years of twelve step recovery.

Anxious people arent the only forgiving and patient ppl. Securely attached people are confident too, patient and forgiving. They just stick with boundaries. I had one avoidant partner and never again.  

Yall are too much work for very little pay off.

Im happy you grew awareness but god you sounded very exhausting lmao

Hopefully you were patient/understanding/curious about her...

so basically we need to do all the work here, give everything we wont get, and MAYBE you wont abuse and cheat on us and treat us like shit? God you are lucky. You dont deserve the love you have received and the people that get hurt from people like you don't deserve the hell your immaturity puts on them. You may not think you were toxic but its clear you have been toxic and harmful as hell.

The information that this couple shares is very valuable.  There are a lot of other content providers on this subject that are not helpful at all.  By being truthful about his past and where he is today we can see what is possible even if not probable.  If you have compassion for your partner within reason it may be worth the risk.  It helps to have a roadmap.

Your story is so helpful... YOU'RE being honest about what was going on behind the scenes is amazing! Thank you

One thing is bring Patient and another is to stay where you get hurted. You choosed her because she didn’t have selfsteem. No kidding but it’s Reality. Glad you broken the pattern and did the Right for her. Still painful to hear.

I can relate to a lot of what he spoke about