I’ve just lost my 37 year old son. Suicidal binge drinking, and yet I don’t believe he wanted to die. 6 years of living in crisis . He told me to watch these videos. But it’s hard.
His funeral was yesterday

10 days sober. Early days. This is needed motivation.

Edit: more than one year later. I am still sober. And I have made the decision that this is for life. Got my wife back, bought a boat, did an art project, invested money, started upp my old band again, read books and ran a halph-marathon with my brother amongst other good things. All and Moore in that one year. Of some wierd reason I still often miss the drink that kept me from all this.. but eyes on the future..it gets better.. Much better!!

I remember parking in front of my local hospital feeling so bad I thought I was going to die any second. I thought if I could make it at least half way up their sidewalk, then they might come out and have a chance to save me. That happened more than a few times. Shaking so bad it was awful. Six years sober now. I just could not let that kill me that way.

"I do things in a blackout which I am proud of" said no one ever.😢

Suicidal binge drinker here.  Stopped drinking 6.5 years ago.  Years of relapsing.  If I relapse now, I know it’ll be the last.  I do not have another recovery in me.  I sobered up in 2017 after a 10 year relapse, a few attempts in those 10 years but never could put together a meaningful recovery.  5 stints in rehab.  The last one, I was on the train returning home, thinking I’ve got 2 choices, I go home, pick up and die or I take this chance and run with it with all that I have.  I ran with it and each day is a reprieve.  I shattered my own life and others with drinking and still have lingering guilt and shame on so many things I said and did.  My behaviour was so removed from my personal moral compass.  That’s the stuff that needs healing.  Thanks for sharing 🙏🏽

An alcoholic my entire adult life up to the age of 58 when finally I managed to stop for 9 months. Post acute withdrawal lasted 6weeks and was like nothing I've ever experienced, a terrifying mix of psychotic days and violent dreams. I was living on the streets totally alone with no support and it was lockdown but hear this people, as I entered the fifth month I began to wake and go through the day full of a joy I had never known. I became a totally different personality, only then did the truly profound influence of alcohol become clear. An entire lifetime without ever knowing the real person 🕊️❤️💪🙏

My dad died of alcohol withdrawals at age 52 , stay safe people

The hallucination of the guy forced to stamp on his fathers bones seems like it's symbolizing the the disrespect the alcohol made you display to your family.

I fell victim to the "pink cloud" earlier this year. My drinking started becoming a problem in 2022. In 2024, it became very serious and self-destructive. In October of 2024, I got sober for the longest period in recent memory. On day 149, after a period of work stress, and to "celebrate" fixing a serious car problem on my own, I bought a case of beer. It's remarkable how similar the circumstances were to what you describe in the early part of this video. My thinking was something like "Well, I made it 149 days without a drop. So I'll have my celebration today and that'll be the end of it." Of course, that wasn't the end of it. Within a month or two, I was drinking fairly heavily a couple of times a week. And then, I was drinking fairly heavily every day. Then, on the weekends, I would have a drink in the morning. Then, I was day-drinking all day most weekends. Then, I was day-drinking during the week. Then, it came to a head, like it always does. I won't get into the details, as they're a bit personal and the memory's still quite raw and painful for me to put out on the Internet at the moment, but it came to a head.

After some false starts (and in consultation with my doctor), I reduced my intake. I'm now 4 days fully sober. Physically and psychologically, I feel much better. But the pink cloud blew in almost immediately. Last night, I was thinking "I don't miss the booze today. Actually, I hate the thought of drinking." And that's a good thing. But even though I've shut the door on my alcoholism for the last four days, alcoholism is still standing on my front steps, so to speak, and every time I open that metaphorical door, it's going to be waiting on my doorstep, hoping I'll change my mind and let it back in.

The craziest thing to me is that these horror experiences, living nightmares are sometimes not enough to stop us from starting to drink again.

Parents said my behaviour changed after a head injury in my early teens. Drinking and drug use took off plus impulsive and aggressive behaviour. Alcohol drug free 39 months

This is ASMR for people who want nightmares.

I’m on day 5 of sobriety.  This channel has been one hell of a motivator.  My 3 or 4 year drinking habit of 6-9 IPAs a day might not seem like much compared to these stories, but it was definitely having compounding negative effects in my life and it was only a matter of “when” it would lead to more permanent and deep seated damage.  I’m hoping to receive enough Grace to be able to repair whatever damage it has done in my health and relationships.  Thank you for what you do, Stu.  You have transformed your hardship into real help for others and for that, you should be very genuinely proud.  You have my genuine gratitude and sentiments of friendship.

Your DT stories remind me very much of what I would imagine true demonic possession to be like for the victim.  Evil, hellish hallucinations and visions and sensations that warp and change shape in real time to keep you trapped in them as they feed on and delight in your agony.  Perhaps there’s a good reason alcohol is called “Spirits”.

The way you are able to speak so fluently without verbal garbage is amazing, makes it super easy to listen along and picture the story in my head! Keep making these videos they are definitely helping those that are struggling with alcohol addiction to know they aren’t alone… these videos are definitely helpful for those who don’t suffer from addiction either because it shows how serious and dangerous alcohol can be if not used in moderation!

The trauma of the psychotic experience is like it actually happened. The brain doesnt know the difference. Dear man, Thank you for sharing

Man, that story of what you made your parents go through and that it haunts you every day really hits home. I went to something very similar when I was 26. My parents did everything for me and I made them go through hell by being a useless drunk. They saved my life by not throwing me out, by getting me into the hospital when I hit my rock bottom and my liver almost failed. I promised them to never drink again, only to betray their trust a couple months later until I had my relapse, that ended in a 3 week bender. I remembet passing out in my room with a bottle of wine in my hand, my mother found me and I still tried to convince her that I didn't drink, and I even got angry at her and said hurtful things. I'm really glad I discovered your channel yesterday! It's good to know that we're not alone. I'm 4 years sober now, I never thought I'd reach my 30th birthday. But we get through it, day by day! Greatings from Germany!

Please don't ever take another drink.  This world needs you.  You are an amazing person.

I am a major binge drinker, hospitalised many times, in recovery many times and currently in recovery right now, 43 days and in this period is when I discovered your videos. Your descriptions of alcoholism from that first drink through to the point you are in the abyss of chronic alcoholism and the terrifying effects therein are absolutely spot on and conveyed so eloquently, simply, graphically and honestly. Anyone out there who thinks they may have a problem with alcohol or are in recovery or in the midst of relapse or even haven't thought of getting into recovery and currently staring into the abyss I highly highly reccommend watching Stu's videos, they are without doubt the best I have watched in describing alcoholism. Despite the depressing, honest and horrific subject Stu hits the nail on the head in every video and are/have been nothing short of inspirational, keep up the brilliant work my celtic comrade.

I've been through DTs many times.  It's awful and it put so much stress on my body and mind.  I am sober now but it was a long battle from insane drinking to relapse, lapse and then finally sobriety.  It took a huge amount of mental and inner work and healing.

Thanks for posting your videos, they are helping me process my brother's death at 35 from alcoholism. I'm proud of every day he won the battle and was sober, but he lost the war, it can happen so fast, you never know what drink will be your last, when I went through his apartment he had the information for the detox clinic and rehab waiting on the countertop, but didn't make it through to the other side of that relapse. I don't know if the death was from alcohol poisoning or from withdrawal, but I know he wanted to get back to sobriety. Please take care of yourselves,  I wish no one's family had to go through the pain i'm going through, but this disease is brutal.