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Mom Anxiety & Burnout: When Your Nervous System Takes Over Parenting

Good Inside

40,965 views

When you snap at your kid and don't recognize yourself, your nervous system just took over — not your values, not your parenting philosophy.

Dr. Becky explains the neuroscience behind why we yell, shut down, or repeat our own parents' patterns even when we swore we wouldn't. She shares what's actually happening in your body in these moments and how to repair with your kids and yourself without spiraling into shame.

0:00 Intro: the sturdy pilot leader we all yell
1:28 A private-practice story: repeating your mother's pattern
4:27 It's never too late to repair
6:18 Q&A: "I go cold and shut down instead of yelling"
9:38 "Have I already traumatized my kids?"
13:16 The neuroscience: why your nervous system lives in the past
15:03 The core reframe: your body thinks it's protecting you
18:18 Closing: self-compassion and grounding

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For a full transcript of the episode, go to goodinside.com/podcast

Thank you to our sponsor Hot Wheels. Check out our full series with Hot Wheels at http://hotwheels.com/challengeaccepted

Thank you to our sponsor DREO. Check out the DREO Baby Humidifier at http://dreo.com/ and use code Becky20 for 20% off.

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Wish you could take back that yelling moment? You can. The Yelling Reset gives you the tools to pause, reset, and repair — so you can build real connection with your kids. Sign up today http://bit.ly/46GX9Vi

20 Comments

@priusa8113 11 months ago

Please do an actual video on emotional regulation and nervous system reset techniques thanks doc Becky
Salams from
KSA

@bissum4227 9 days ago

Your videos are single-handedly speaking to me more than anything else that I've ever seen on parenting.... Thank you so much for what you're doing.

@Kingsitstudio 36 minutes ago

The line about your nervous system taking over really hit home — it's so freeing to hear that snapping doesn't make you a bad parent. What small reset do you recommend in the heat of the moment?

@lindsey4505 2 weeks ago

This was really powerful. Even for someone who did not have a dramatically bad childhood, I related to these exercises. Thank you, Dr. Becky.

@BrotherWind 11 months ago

My child’s mother and I separated last year. It was due to our parenting differences. Since the separation things have been so easy with my daughter. No fights or arguments. I’m a single dad. But that easiness is also unsettling. I’m waiting for the hard times to come as I know it’s not always going to be so easy. So I’ll keep building skills like this. Thank you.

@LuminousTuitions 11 months ago

My mom would tell me to pray that God takes away the anger,she would brush me off as though my anger was just so uncomfortable for her and she just wanted me to stop. Today I'm not so sure about religion as it was used to prevent connection with my mom and I'm actively learning to sit in my own uncomfortable feelings so that I can sit with my kids when they have big feelings even anger,that it's not disrespectful for them to have feelings. I'm learning so much from you Dr Becky.

@IPRRParenting 2 months ago

Focusing on 'repair' can easily become an emotional sedative that excuses a lack of self-control, while choosing connection over correction is a futile goal if the parent’s baseline is unstable. The real solution isn't a cycle of 'yell and fix,' but mastering self-regulation first so we can offer our children true co-regulation in the moments that matter most

@meganschrack3891 9 months ago

Anyone else bust into tears and had to take some deep breaths about 11 mins in?! Hits in the deepest depths of the wounded inner child. Still longing.. Though I can’t change my parents, i can change & work at being the kind of parent I always needed. Thank you Dr. Becky 😭❤

@Karrie732 11 months ago

I found you on an episode of Jefferson Fisher! I was immediately attracted to the calm in your voice, it felt safe to me. THANK YOU FOR THAT!❤

@laurajeansmith9150 9 months ago

I need a “parental workshop” on inner child repair

@IQ_Parent 11 months ago

Such an important reminder! Understanding our nervous system changes everything about how we show up as parents.

@kassandragarrison3085 1 month ago

I love you content. And as much as I love it, I always think to myself, “how in the world can I get myself regulated enough to apply these ingenious principles to my own parenting.” I didn’t have emotionally regulated parents. They were young and loving but their relationship and, thus, our early life, felt tumultuous. Emotional regulation was not on the menu of learnable things and now as “an adult” I find myself grasping for ways to break this cycle for my own kids. My great intentions just aren’t enough.

@leoniewellesley6684 3 months ago

My parents never ever yelled at us 3 kids and I have never yelled at mine.

@JohnCokl 11 months ago (edited)

Thank you, for this therapy session that I didn't even know I needed! You are such a gift to parents. I have shared this with my wife and it really hit home today.

@amyfrancis9423 11 months ago

This podcast stirred up many feelings of my childhood. Conflict and anger were a big part of my childhood. I guess I have to say that my mother did the best she could or knew how to. Maybe her childhood was similar. I just hope that I can find better ways to resolve conflict with my 11 year old specifically.

@RSonja 11 months ago (edited)

Thank you. I'm in tears. I so.want to do better. I think my fear of either my children will end up not successful or sufficient or my fear that I'm not enough really adds to my inability to handle their big emotions. Especially for my dfk. I get the most angry and yell with this child because I fear they will always struggle because they feel differently than most and that fear leads me to lash out because they need so much and even me their mother can't do it.

@amandaarndt4778 7 months ago

Yes, yes and yes, thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Today you’re teaching has been so valuable to me and I will share it with my closest friends and loved ones.❤

@Grateful598 11 months ago

Feeling such inner peace after this. Thank you ❤

@caryde7445 10 months ago

Thank you so much for your incredible insights. It pulls away the curtain of confusion as to why I react the way I do and especially why my daughter reacts the way she does.

@freedomic1031 6 months ago

Thank you Dr. Becky. I think I was left with a numbness. My mother has passed away but I still ask her for forgiveness when I was unconcerned for a need she had. I think your video helped me to see why it's important to get through the numbness for my daughter's sake and to better that relationship.