Why The Dismissive Avoidant Avoids YOUR Emotions & What to Do
Thais Gibson - Personal Development School
5,438 views
Get 7 Days Free Inside PDS & Watch How to Repair Any Relationship Plus Every Course In Our Library. Start Here: https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...
Why does a Dismissive Avoidant sometimes shut down the moment you express your emotions and does it mean they simply don’t care?
Episode Summary
In this video, Thais Gibson explores why Dismissive Avoidants may struggle when a partner expresses difficult emotions. She breaks down five common responses: deflecting, avoiding the conversation, becoming defensive, stonewalling or icing someone out, and shifting blame. Rather than assuming these reactions always come from a lack of care, Thais explains how they can reflect discomfort with conflict, vulnerability, emotional communication, and relying on others.
Thais also shares how both partners can approach these patterns differently. For the Dismissive Avoidant, healing involves recognizing how defensive or avoidant coping strategies affect others and learning healthier communication. For the person on the receiving end, she recommends clearly explaining that the goal is collaboration rather than criticism, communicating specific needs in a positive way, and inviting the other person to express their needs as well.
Key Takeaways
✔️ Dismissive Avoidants may deflect when confronted with difficult emotions
✔️ Avoiding conversations can reflect discomfort with conflict and not knowing how to respond
✔️ Defensiveness can make it difficult to hear and understand a partner’s experience
✔️ Stonewalling or shutting down isn’t always intended as punishment
✔️ Blame can emerge when someone struggles to recognize and communicate their own unmet needs
✔️ Healthy interdependence means acknowledging how your behavior affects each other
✔️ Communicating clear, specific needs can be more productive than criticism
✔️ Both partners need space to openly communicate their feelings, needs, and boundaries
Timestamps
00:00 – Why The Avoidant Avoids Your Emotions
00:42 – 1. They Deflect
01:38 – 2. They Avoid the Situation Altogether
03:42 – 3. They Get Defensive
05:58 – 4. They Stonewall or Ice Them Out
07:00 – 7-Day Free Trial (How to Repair Any Relationship Course)
08:50 – Why They Stonewall and Ice People Out
09:19 – 5. They Blame the Other Person
10:29 – If You Are a Dismissive Avoidant
11:10 – If You Are on the Receiving End
12:38 – Ask Your Questions Below
Meet Thais
Thais Gibson, PhD, is a Best-Selling Author, Pastoral Counselor, Relationship Coach, and the founder of The Personal Development School (PDS). Between 2013 and 2019, she developed Integrated Attachment Theory® (IAT), the Six-Step Method to Becoming Secure, a framework rooted in neuroscience, attachment theory, psychology, and spirituality, trademarked in October 2021. IAT works across six pillars:
✔ Rewire Your Attachment Core Wounds
✔ Learn Your Attachment Needs
✔ Regulate Your Nervous System Somatically
✔ Learn Healthy Boundaries
✔ Improve Communication
✔ Rewire Your Unhealthy Protest Behaviors
Since opening in 2020, PDS has grown to serve over 70,000 students in 145 countries, achieving a 97% satisfaction rate and helping people reprogram their subconscious patterns and build thriving, secure relationships.
Helpful Resources:
🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...
📘 Become an IAT Relationship Coach
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...
📚 Read the New Attachment Theory Book
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...
🎧 Discover Podcast Episodes
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...
📝 Read the PDS Blog
https://blog.personaldevelopmentschoo...
Let’s Connect on Socials:
📸 Instagram: Instagram: thepersonaldevelopmentschool
📘 Facebook: Facebook: ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
🎵 TikTok: TikTok: thaisgibson
💼 LinkedIn: LinkedIn: thepersonaldevelopmentschool
2 Comments
Why The Dismissive Avoidant Avoids YOUR Emotions & What to Do
Thais Gibson - Personal Development School
5,438 views
Get 7 Days Free Inside PDS & Watch How to Repair Any Relationship Plus Every Course In Our Library. Start Here: https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...
Why does a Dismissive Avoidant sometimes shut down the moment you express your emotions and does it mean they simply don’t care?
Episode Summary
In this video, Thais Gibson explores why Dismissive Avoidants may struggle when a partner expresses difficult emotions. She breaks down five common responses: deflecting, avoiding the conversation, becoming defensive, stonewalling or icing someone out, and shifting blame. Rather than assuming these reactions always come from a lack of care, Thais explains how they can reflect discomfort with conflict, vulnerability, emotional communication, and relying on others.
Thais also shares how both partners can approach these patterns differently. For the Dismissive Avoidant, healing involves recognizing how defensive or avoidant coping strategies affect others and learning healthier communication. For the person on the receiving end, she recommends clearly explaining that the goal is collaboration rather than criticism, communicating specific needs in a positive way, and inviting the other person to express their needs as well.
Key Takeaways
✔️ Dismissive Avoidants may deflect when confronted with difficult emotions
✔️ Avoiding conversations can reflect discomfort with conflict and not knowing how to respond
✔️ Defensiveness can make it difficult to hear and understand a partner’s experience
✔️ Stonewalling or shutting down isn’t always intended as punishment
✔️ Blame can emerge when someone struggles to recognize and communicate their own unmet needs
✔️ Healthy interdependence means acknowledging how your behavior affects each other
✔️ Communicating clear, specific needs can be more productive than criticism
✔️ Both partners need space to openly communicate their feelings, needs, and boundaries
Timestamps
00:00 – Why The Avoidant Avoids Your Emotions
00:42 – 1. They Deflect
01:38 – 2. They Avoid the Situation Altogether
03:42 – 3. They Get Defensive
05:58 – 4. They Stonewall or Ice Them Out
07:00 – 7-Day Free Trial (How to Repair Any Relationship Course)
08:50 – Why They Stonewall and Ice People Out
09:19 – 5. They Blame the Other Person
10:29 – If You Are a Dismissive Avoidant
11:10 – If You Are on the Receiving End
12:38 – Ask Your Questions Below
Meet Thais
Thais Gibson, PhD, is a Best-Selling Author, Pastoral Counselor, Relationship Coach, and the founder of The Personal Development School (PDS). Between 2013 and 2019, she developed Integrated Attachment Theory® (IAT), the Six-Step Method to Becoming Secure, a framework rooted in neuroscience, attachment theory, psychology, and spirituality, trademarked in October 2021. IAT works across six pillars:
✔ Rewire Your Attachment Core Wounds
✔ Learn Your Attachment Needs
✔ Regulate Your Nervous System Somatically
✔ Learn Healthy Boundaries
✔ Improve Communication
✔ Rewire Your Unhealthy Protest Behaviors
Since opening in 2020, PDS has grown to serve over 70,000 students in 145 countries, achieving a 97% satisfaction rate and helping people reprogram their subconscious patterns and build thriving, secure relationships.
Helpful Resources:
🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...
📘 Become an IAT Relationship Coach
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...
📚 Read the New Attachment Theory Book
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...
🎧 Discover Podcast Episodes
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...
📝 Read the PDS Blog
https://blog.personaldevelopmentschoo...
Let’s Connect on Socials:
📸 Instagram: Instagram: thepersonaldevelopmentschool
📘 Facebook: Facebook: ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
🎵 TikTok: TikTok: thaisgibson
💼 LinkedIn: LinkedIn: thepersonaldevelopmentschool
Instructed to be seen and not heard at an early age. Father was the angry emotional grenade. So our emotions received a side éye. So displays were a worry.