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THE HIDDEN TRAUMA OF AN AVOIDANT DISCARD!

Redo Love

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I'm Flora Ong, founder of Redo Love. I'm an Integrated Attachment
Specialist, trauma-informed, and Certified Life Coach
who helps high-achieving women break free from anxious-avoidant
relationship patterns by reprogramming their attachment at the
subconscious level — not just understanding it intellectually.

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Your brain knows death.

It knows how to grieve loss that makes sense.
But an avoidant discard?

One day they’re loving, warm, planning a future…

The next — cold, distant, gone.
No warning. No closure. No emotional safety net.
Your nervous system spirals because it’s not built to process this kind of emotional whiplash.
And that’s what makes it harder than grief —

Because the person is still alive, just no longer there for you.

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20 Comments

@Kostas-v1k 9 months ago

Its not DISCARD. It is emotional abuse

@soccerbud16 8 months ago

Big shout to everyone who made an avoidant feel something enough to discard or detach from you. You were blessed with a mirror & you dodged a bullet— we shouldn’t be responsible for others and their traumas after they’re given multiple occasions and spaces to be safe. Repair and hardships are parts of reality. Avoidants need to subscribe to reality

@melindalevine 1 year ago

Why isn’t anybody addressing how evil and traumatic this is? Why do people think they can do this?

@DoylesDigs 5 months ago

Avoidants and narcissists do not deserve genuine love and connection.

@JessieArmy 1 year ago

Discarded after 3 years. I ended up being diagnosed with vagus nerve dysfunction due to trauma. Six months and 4 days later I can say I have survived after lots of therapy and self-reflection.... Also I have found love again. Secure love.

@shantbarsoumian101 1 year ago

You aren't kidding that death is easier to deal with than an Avoidant Discard. I lost both my parents within a year of each other which was hard, but then dated an avoidant for a few months before being blindsided and discarded and that was more emotionally traumatizing than the loss of my parents and drove me right back into therapy. You literally question reality, your brain can't make sense of what is happenening.

@michaelgay7870 9 months ago

7 months of the best possible relationship followed by discard. The pain has been undescribable.

@crispysoxx 1 year ago

“When you love you figure it out. When they love they let you go…” wow. This is very profound and validating. Thank you!

@josevasquez337 10 months ago

And they can discard you and move on like nothing

@melindalevine 1 year ago

I feel like he attempted to murder me by this discard…. It has been the most ruthless pain I’ve ever felt and for what?

@lennysgirl2011 5 months ago

The most difficult part is that there was
absolute trust

@martafortney4109 8 months ago

I KNOW, intellectually “why” a person does this, but it’s extremely hurtful and selfish. I’m glad to hear people talking about this.

@stevenholt6604 11 months ago

The harder you love, the more they push away

@marcovergari6858 4 months ago

I work as a psychiatrist myself, and was diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder after this experience. I can only say to you going through this that, even if you can’t feel it right now you’re better off without them. You were building your life on rotten wood. And most importantly; if you manage to use this experience to understand and learn about yourself, it’s going to be the most empowering experience in your life so far.

@MadMaxMan2008 10 months ago (edited)

I love how you put this. Not a normal break up??? Putting it mildly. It’s a complete lie. They lie to you, get you hooked and then hate you because they figured out they can’t be what you want and need. Plus they are not going to change. Hell no!!! So because you said something their father used to say now you’re the bad guy. A 56 year old woman treated me like crap because of some shit her father said 40 years ago. Look they are nuts man. They are evil. Just get out while you’re still yourself and not hooked. Peace

@amandamiles5761 1 year ago (edited)

Thank you for validating how extreme this discard is. It’s been 4 years.. and I am loads better, but some people are irritated because they think I should be over it by now.. but with no answers.. it is like torture. We were together 35 years.

@susannahforeman7624 6 months ago

Absolutely the worst pain.

@LunarEclipsed001 9 months ago (edited)

It was the shortest yet most traumatizing relationship/breakup I’ve ever had. And I’ve had tons of heartache. She made me feel like the most loved person in the world than boom it was like a completely different person. I almost didn’t even know who I was looking at. Almost like something out of a horror movie. It’s been almost 4 months and I can barely still function.

@paulwheeler8361 6 months ago

It's getting to the point that a psychiatric evaluation should be mandatory prior to marriage, it really is so that both parties are fully aware of what their getting into.