Do you agree with these red flags?

Me right after seeing the video title “LEAVE DR K ALONE!”😂😂😂😂

I love it when he says he's bad at a specific modality (supportive psychotherapy) It's like, I dunno, a very upfront way of helping you know if he's the right therapist for you. And I feel like that needs to get put in some kind of compiled intro for who he is.

Nowadays it's just two therapists talking with eachother through their patients, using them like Pokémons

Their specific client watching this:
"Is he talking about me?!"

Regarding the Failure of Mentalization... the "I don't agree with you, therefore you are wrong and your point doesn't exist" part of it is what impacted me the most in my relationship.  He would assume I agreed if I didn't say anything and if I couldn't 'debate' and logically make him concede (which never happened), then my complaint or opinion was null and void. 13 years of that invalidation changed me. I'm still trying to let go of the neorotic need to over explain and give "good" reasons for my needs. It really damages people.

This is why we don’t diagnose teenagers with personality disorders: all teenagers have personality disorders! lol I’m kidding, but it’s also for a kernel of truth lol

In my experience there are people who go to therapy (or even lie about going to therapy) and say their therapist gives them all this praise and rarely mentions things they need to work on and it becomes obvious to everyone theyre telling/bragging to that theyre most likely lying about what their therapist said.

Thank you for acknowledging that some people really ARE surrounded by these people that make the negative environment. Often found in small towns if a group chooses you as the lightning rod of abuse, an old tactic of keeping the peace in older generations and I cannot wait for it to be eradicated from social standards. Just not cool. Svcks when it's your own family also doing it to you separately.

My mother who is a therapist says she has been lied to, within held info, and manipulated by her clients but it's very difficult to find the reasons why or the motivations for it and she's been a therapist for over 30 years.

Even though I'm going through it, I specifically asked my therapist to be 💯 straight up with me. Regardless if he knows it might offend me bc I might get upset initially, I'll respect him and will come around to his advice after I think about what he said. If he's telling me what I want to hear, that's not helpful, it's hindering my progress. Knowing someone will be honest even if it may be hard to hear; I will not only respect him, but that builds trust. If you're there for real help and growth; it's not going to always feel good.  I'm looking for growth,healing, and tools to do the work myself.

Regarding the first one - I would highly doubt that the therapist is diagnosing anyone. I was married to a very toxic person and he triangulated all the time with other people, making up the stories... "my therapist said you need to give me more sex!" Ha. He made up stuff all the time, about how this person or that person suggested he do 'x' to get back at me but he didn't want to be petty... or that "everyone thinks 'x' about you".  Oh yeah, the first one on this list would not even tick up for me. I would immediately understand that is some made up weak tea, or "fake news".

Okay but also alot of why some people end up in an abusive relationship is because the person is very nice at first. They want to be with someone good and by the time they realise that isnt the reality, the abuse has started. Also not just minors have reduced options in changing the situation. In fact, abusive people like to reduce the options of their partner leaving. Responsibility is such an unnecessary word here and dosent really do anything for the conversation. If the person has the options, the self esteem and the awareness of the situation then they will leave when able.

unrelated but man you're so handsome

Even the villain can be rehabilitated but the tough treatment may induce flight and validation will reinforce the toxic traits so even a well meaning therapist is in a catch 22

What a great analysis by both you and Dr. K.  I agree with your assessment in this area and appreciate how well you articulated some of the trickier aspects of navigating being a therapist and hearing only one side of the story.

I watched your channel about a year ago maybe when you were just starting, I'm so glad to see you've taken off like this! great video :D

4:00 oh that's so cool to think that's even possible as a way to gain greater insight in therapy for both partners. Gosh.  Never thought that would even be possible.

This is giving me a lot to think about, and is very valuable to me.

It's been coming up more and more recently, the question of "am I the villain, or am I actually just surrounded by toxicity," and like... idk, in the last few months I've been making friends who, for the first time in almost 20 years, feel like real friends, and they genuinely make me feel like I have power and agency over my own life. Like... I really just needed people who made life worth living. But that begs the question of, where was that agency and determination before?

I'd be curious to know how you think enmeshment interacts with this? That's been a point of conversation for me in therapy before. It really does feel like my folks robbed me of a lot of agency and my sense of identity. It gives me hope that I've started to see some of that come back now, but I'm afraid of denying myself accountability I'm rightfully due. I see a lot of cluster B and dependent PD tendencies in myself, and it's very difficult to discern what was actually inflicted upon me, from what I brought upon myself.

Aye, there is a balance between recognising the systemic constraints and paths of least resistance and recognising our agency to say 'no' and own the options that are available to us. It can be easy to overcompensate in either direction