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Ep 32: Dating a Divorced Man: What You Need to Know Before You Get Attached

Laurie Gerber

3,918 views

Are you dating a divorced man over 50 and wondering if he's actually healed, or just using you as his rebound therapist?

Dating a divorced man isn't just dating him. You're dating his wounds, his trust issues, his ex-wife dynamic, and sometimes his complicated relationship with his kids. It can feel like a lot, because it is. And if you don't know what you're looking for, it's easy to end up in a relationship that drains you instead of fills you up.

In this episode of Love at Any Age, Laurie Gerber sits down with Rachael Sloan, founder of Better Beyond Divorce, a coaching program that helps men heal emotionally after separation. Rachael has worked with over 600 divorced men and she knows what a healed man actually looks like before he starts dating again.

This is a rare peek behind the curtain at what men are really going through, and what women over 50 need to know to stop missing the signs. Laurie and Rachael cover the 3 green flags that tell you a divorced man is genuinely ready, the rebound relationship signs that women consistently overlook, and how to handle ex-wife drama and his kids without losing yourself in the process. If you're dating after divorce over 50, this episode will save you months of confusion.

⏱ TIMESTAMPS
00:01–01:28 — Why Dating a Divorced Man Is Different

01:28–03:08 — Meet Rachael Sloan: Inside the Divorced Men's World

03:08–06:30 — Red Flag: When He Uses Dating as Therapy

06:30–09:03 — What Divorced Men Are Really Struggling With

09:03–14:00 — Trust, Emotional Availability & What Women Miss

14:00–19:07 — Nervous System Regulation & Old Biases About Men

19:07–22:46 — The 3 Signs He's Actually Ready to Date

22:46–35:03 — Good Men, Healing Stages & Bringing Out His Best

35:03–38:44 — When His Ex Comes Back on the Scene

38:44–50:21 — His Kids, the Final Red Flag & Rachael's Free Guide

🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES
Rachael Sloan's Free Download:
Emotional Stages of Divorce — A Survival Guide for Men 9 stages of the divorce grieving process, with signs for each stage and exercises to help men move through them instead of getting stuck. https://resources.rachaelsloancoachin...

👉 Find Rachael and Better Beyond Divorce at: https://www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/

Rachael's YouTube Channel: @rachaelsloanrelationshipcoach

Episode mentioned: Ep. 24 with Alison Armstrong on men, agency, and what they really need in relationships Ep 24: He Won't Open Up Until You Stop Doi...

More from Laurie:

If you are a man looking for help with dating, please fill out Laurie’s survey to get in touch
https://lauriegerber.com/maol-men-survey

If you want clarity on what a healthy partnership looks like for you, Laurie walks you through how to define what you’re looking for, step by step in her free 75-minute training: 👉 https://www.lauriegerber.com/webinar?...

🌐 Website: https://www.lauriegerber.com/?utm_sou...

Stay connected with Laurie:

▶️ YouTube: @lauriegerbercoach
📸 Instagram: Instagram: lauriegerber_coach
👍 Facebook: Facebook: lauriegerberdatingcoach
💼 LinkedIn: LinkedIn: lauriegerber
🎙 Podbean: https://lauriegerbercoach.podbean.com/

19 Comments

@lauriegerbercoach Creator 3 months ago (edited) Pinned

If you want clarity on what a healthy partnership looks like for you, Laurie walks you through how to define what you’re looking for, step by step in her free 75-minute training: 👉 https://www.lauriegerber.com/webinar?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=podcast&utm_content=ep_032&utm_term=rachael_sloan

@bdrogin 3 months ago

Well. This episode started out great and covered lots of pertinent topics. Then it almost went off the rails when Laurie introduced "red flag/green flag" language which, when she is being interviewed by others, she avoids and adds nuance to (i.e., the difference between a personal deal breaker and a personal can-put-up-with). Then, at the very end, Laurie totally derails the conversation by asking Rachel, explicitly, for a "red flag" for a divorced person and all subtlety goes out the window. There isn't a divorced person ON THE PLANET, man or woman, who, when asked for negative details about their ex, won't have something they can say. That DOESN'T mean they are still obsessed with it, stuck in a stage, don't understand their own faults, etc., etc. This was, in fact, addressed earlier in the conversation, where there is a difference between a 2 minute answer, a 5 minute answer, a 10 minute answer, etc. But you can't ask the question, get an answer, and then shout "red flag" and run for the hills.

Any person who has worked in the theatre has learned about the Stanislavsky technique, where any emotional experience can be brought back and used. My point is there is a difference between a "trigger" and a conversation that actively forces someone to relive an emotionally painful experience. Being able to tell the difference - after all, you are a stranger - is very difficult. Depending on the relationship you want to have, mutually dumping on exes can be a fun experience or traumatic, but it certainly isn't, by definition a "red flag."

Can we please ban the term "red flag" from all dating and relationship coaching advice? It is so generic. One person's "red flag" might be another person's shared experience, or even turn-on. I guess the term "red flag" is my trigger! :)

@ginafortunato7098 3 months ago

As someone divorced and remarried to a previously divorced man, this was very insightful! Especially the section on the ex and kids. Nice job! Maybe a full episode on dating with kids! 🤔

@janetfortess6832 3 months ago

Ahhh love a well regulated nervous system!

@gardengirl5330 3 months ago

Thank you for another wonderful podcast episode, Laurie!

@user-ip3sh3mu1u 1 month ago

Rachael is amazing. I have listened to her and learned so much. I am 51 and it’s been a year and half since divorce. I feel very fortunate that I have met an amazing woman after divorce by chance and that I didn’t have to date. I was upfront in the beginning about me doing the work to heal and be a better partner before we became serious. It was tough on my partner, but it was the right thing to do. Women out there have just as much baggage as divorced men. It’s all about who does the work to fix themselves.

@raerae2885 3 months ago

“Is he attuned to his own goodness?” ❤

@SharonCraig-i5y 2 months ago

This helps me understand some friends. Thank you.

@susanwolski7915 3 months ago

LOVED this episode. I can’t wait to look at the pdf of stages.

@Carms-uo7ut 3 months ago

Amazing! I think I made the right decision to not enter a relationship with a divorced man with kids.

@mirab4032 3 months ago

This was insightful and helpful for me to understand how to gauge where a man might be emotionally and how to talk with him.

@KA-ux9qb 3 months ago

This is so helpful!!!! Thank you!

@tigertiger1699 3 months ago

An extremely interesting message & context…, likely that you’re dealing with a guy who has been treated incredibly badly & was damaged & robbed by her…
My context would be if you’re dating a divorced woman…., be careful … get to know the circumstances… & not!!!! Through her… meet the ex…..

@MM-pb6qh 3 months ago

Too many ads.

@marvFX01 3 months ago

as a 53 yr old man who recently divorced, i cannot understand the mindset of these men... i mean, the only reason you would need 'therapy' is because your divorce was involuntary / unwanted... right?? .. my situation falls into this category and right now i don't see doing anything new for at least a decade... by then, i might as well pack it all up and head to southeast asia or maybe tahiti and lie on a majestic beach until i die of too much sun.

@martinsaunders7925 1 month ago

When a guy doesn't want a second date he tells her about his first vivoce. In detail. At least 10 minutes. She'll ghost and no comeback. Women take rejection badly.

@verygrateful007 1 month ago

I don’t know if it’s at room or Inn or your microphone or Bose but that sounded so tangy like it’s reverberating and it’s very hard to listen to and that space you’re in.

@jessicahitchens6926 3 months ago

These people shouldn't be dating with young children period!! Your making the situation far worse and damaging your children and the people you bring into the circus .

@KA-ux9qb 3 months ago (edited)

I'm assuming more "good" divorced men are seeking counseling and coaching.... but the others aren't there getting help.

Do the men get a certificate of completion for the year long program? The guy could bring it to the first date or post on his profile. 🤷🏻‍♀️😅 That would be helpful!😊