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What no one tells you about making friends in Italy

Ms Britaly

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In this video, I share what no one tells you about making friends in Italy.

When you move to Italy, it is possible to make friends but it's not always easy. After 6 years of observing friendships here in South Italy, I feel I've really come to understand a few key things and in this video I share them with you.

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CHAPTERS *
00:00 Introduction
00:30 Friendship dynamics in Italy
03:37 A common misconception about friendships
04:57 How language impacts friendships
06:11 How friendships are the same worldwide
08:01 The biggest problem with making friends
12:00 What it takes to make friends

VIDEOS I MENTION *
Making Friends in Italy - What it's REALLY like
Making Friends in Italy - What it's REALLY...

4 Decisions for a Better Life in South Italy
4 Decisions for a Better Life in South Italy

Profound Lessons from 6 Years of Living in Italy
Profound Lessons from 6 Years of Living in...

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WHO I AM:
Hi I’m Claire, aka Ms Britaly! In 2018, I decided I wanted to change my life and relocate to Italy. I didn't know anyone there, I didn't speak the language and I had only visited the country twice before. Just eight months after I had made this decision, I packed up my suitcases and moved solo from London to Italy, embarking on my very first Expat experience. On paper it sounds completely bonkers but in reality it was the making of me.

On this channel I share with you the beauty and reality of everyday life, here in South Italy. I also share insider tips for visiting South Italy, so that you can get the most out of your Italian experience!

20 Comments

@MsBritaly Creator 2 years ago (edited) Pinned

What has your experience of friendship been like? Comment below and let me know!

By the way, just to clarify, when I reference technology that is not available here in Italy, I'm relating it to my experiences using various software for my content creation. A lot of the reasons stem from the strict privacy laws here in Europe. Also for example, in London the train stations are cleaned by robots - I don't know when that kind of thing will ever come to South Italy especially! I know, not friendship related, but some of you were curious!

@MarcoMenozziPro 2 years ago (edited)

Being friendly and helping others, for an Italian, is just an education that is taught from the earliest years of life. Being a friend is a very different thing. Understanding the difference is important. Real friends are often unfriendly people.

@soniaemmanouilidou1139 2 years ago

Friendships need work to be sustained and they get more difficult as you get older

@antoniotorcoli5740 2 years ago (edited)

It depends on what kind of friendship one is looking for. Finding " friends" to occasionally hang out or drink an aperitivo is extremely easy in Italy. Having true friends is difficult because friendship in Italy comes with a price: a true friend does'nt need to call you if he/ she wants to visit you. He / She just comes to your place. If he/she comes at lunch of course you will have a lunch toghether. If he/she calls you in the middle of the night and asks you to come you just go, whitout even asking any questions. If your friend needs a roof you will be more than glad to share your home with him/ her as long as it will be necessary. Of course you are entitled to the same treatment by your friends. I lived abroad in several countries since 35 years and , so far, I have found the same kind of friendship we have in Italy only in Greece. In some european countries ( I will not name them) if you wants to take a coffee at your friend's place, you have to plan it 2 weeks in advance . In Italy friendship is extremely precious. Therefore it is rare.

@nicky29031977 2 years ago

I've been living in Italy for 25 years and can assure you that friendships here are not strictly the same throughout your life. There are people here who have changed friendship groups during their lives and their friends in school are no longer around and they've changed plenty of different social circles well into middle age.

@mariecurie7491 2 years ago

I have lived in Siracusa for almost 7 years. I already spoke fluent Italian, and knew some people. At first I behaved like I used to in the UK, inviting friendly acquaintances for meals, for drinks, in the courtyard of my rented flat. They were happy to come but did not reciprocate. I learned that people here socialise outside their homes: let's have a coffee, let's have an aperitivo. Then the madness of 2020-2022 ruined social life. If the measure of friendship is, someone you can call for help if you or your cat is sick: I have two or maybe three. Those who hold my keys

@Vale17594 2 years ago

Trust me, making friends in Italy is difficult even if you are born there. I'm so sorry to hear that you had such an hard time adjusting to the life here

@tallyskalynkafeldens1753 2 years ago

I am brazilian and I came to Italy 2 months ago. I arrived already speaking an intermediate level of Italian and being able to have a conversation. This has helped me a lot, and Italians are super generous when they realize you are putting some effort trying to speak their language. I also realized that the ability to migrate from hang-out friends to real friends or developing deep connections is not defined by culture, but defined by matching. I met a lot of people, but I could only connect a bit more deeply with few ones. And I think this is because I matched better with them than with others, I had more things in common with some than with others, and this is normal.

@mattonthemoon225 2 years ago

I'm italian and I have to say that in general we italians are snob. That's the reason why a lot of foreigners struggle making friends in Italy. Italians are very selective and wary. In the south they tend to be more welcoming (only apparently), in the north they tend to judge you before even talkin.

@christinewaterman7883 2 years ago

I think that here in Italy the family is so important that they don't need real friends. I'm English and have lived here for more than forty years. My husband is Italian and my children are a mixture. I have many acquaintances, I have rarely been invited into anyone's home, despite the fact that they have frequently eaten at mine. Thats the way it is and I have learnt to live with it. This Christmas I have an old friend coming over from Ireland., we have been good friends, on and off, for sixty three years. Now thats friendship!!!!

@johnsopinski3997 1 year ago

Hi. This really resonated with me. I'm an American who has lived full time outside Bologna for a dozen years. I've spoken Italian for more than 25 years. I know tonnes of great people but the fish-out-of-water feeling never completely goes away. It is extremely challenging to enter into the inner circle of friends. You can literally go years before an Italian will invite you into their home if you don't have a connection. They have spent a lifetime together. After all these years I'm still 'John the American'. Sometimes it is nice, sometimes it gets old, for I just want to fit in. But when you can get invited somewhere, sit at a big table and crack a joke and have everyone laugh, well there is no better feeling.

@amerigorosso8099 2 years ago

I italian and I don't have friends, I don't event think how much is difficult to make friends if you're a foreigner

@NaturaBreeze 2 years ago (edited)

My late mother (Irish-Australian) lived in Italy for 15 years (1960s ~ 70s) and met my father (Sicilian).....we then moved back to Australia after but her friendships there never changed...even after 40-plus years going back to Italy occasionally for holidays....like she'd never left (and these were deep connections through work, family etc etc.... not just acquaintances) 🙂 what helped her a lot though, was she had a musical ear (she was a musician) and natural language ability, so she spoke perfect Italian after the first year or so......that was her experience.....In my case, I lived and worked in Japan for 5 years....the ex-pat thing there is big...you tend to stick together (Brits, Americans, Australians etc..) the 'Japanese' are outside all this in the main, for many reasons...PS - here in Australia, immigrants often say they have no "Aussie" friends...so it's not just Italy...it's hard everywhere to make local friends...it just is :)

@jasperchance3382 2 years ago (edited)

As an Italian who grew up in GB I do have a lot to say about this interesting topic, but I'll avoid being lengthy. I'll just say that Italy is one of the most misunderstood or wrongly narrated countries I can think of. It's very different North to south, to begin with and very different also in social class levels. On friendship I'll say that it's something that just happens. One does not choose friends, one just meets them and friendship happens because of some sort of sympathy and that will make it real, not the fact that you have known each other for ages, although that can mean something, obviously and it may forge a true friendship if there is more than the shared origin to it.

@nicolabii 2 years ago

I think it’s hard even for us. I grew up in Rome, but my parents had a small apartment in Torvaianica. I’d spend three months there every summer, playing soccer on the beach with other kids and hanging out in the evenings. It was easier to make friends back then because we were kids and loved soccer. Unfortunately, I don’t talk to any of them anymore. I follow a couple on Instagram, but once we turned 19 or 20 and got jobs, we stopped meeting. Sometimes it feels like it’s not even about the language

@lanhoang6502 11 months ago

This video is so relatable! I've been living in italy for 5 years now and I feel the same. Thank you for sharing this, it kinda makes me feel less lonely

@iguano72 2 years ago

The real problem is that foreigners who move to Italy (especially the British and Americans) have a stereotyped and romanticized idea of our country. The truth is that there are both positive and negative aspects, just like in any other place in the world. There is no real paradise on earth; it all depends on what we're looking for: a village in Val D'Orcia can be breathtakingly beautiful, but also incredibly boring. I live in Rome (I'm Italian) and I feed off beauty and chaos, and every day the balance tips towards wanting to stay... but nothing stops me from changing my mind tomorrow. Anyway, I agree with everything you wrote, and you're right to warn others so as not to create the Emily in Paris...or Salerno" effect :-)

@wolfganghager8321 1 year ago

There is an obstacle to making friends with Italians - you have no way to find out who they are. The level of conversation is not only superficial. It is not really a conversation at all. I compare it to playing tennis: You serve - the ball trickles to the back fence. The other serves a new ball - you return, and the other starts another subject. Everybody talks, no one listens. No one asks questions; everyone makes a contribution. You say, there has been a terrorist attack in Paris. The answer: there is the Eiffel tower in Paris. Contribution made. So, pleasant noises all round. Laughter and pleasantness. But no space for getting to know the other. My fellow foreign friends - all of them long-time residents speaking fluent Italian, feel the same.

@marrlena947 2 years ago

Be friendly, get involved in community events. Stop 'trying to make friends'. I am busy helping animals, going to classes, gardening, going on group hikes and working out in the gym. I'm friendly with dozens of people. That's enough for me. I live in Spain which is similar to Italy in many ways. I see dozens of videos about 'making friends'. I live in a town of only 2,000. I think people need to learn how to be their own best friend.