OpenTube

Why People Are Cutting Off Their Toxic Mother in Law

Amir Odom

52,390 views

In this video, we react to clips about toxic mothers-in-law, family boundaries, access to grandkids, and why daughters-in-law often get blamed for family conflict. We also discuss going no contact, recognizing toxic behavior, and what happens when problems with in-laws start affecting your marriage.

Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5JaEzzd...

Listen on Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...

TIMESTAMPS
00:00 — Intro
00:45 — Should Grandparents Be Denied Access to Grandkids?
02:21 — The Mother-in-Law Comments Are Unhinged
04:44 — Red Flags in a Daughter-in-Law?
06:12 — When Your Spouse Sees Through Your Family’s Behavior
09:34 — Why the Daughter-in-Law Gets Blamed
11:44 — What Mothers-in-Law Don’t Understand
17:40 — A Mom Admits In-Laws Can Be Difficult
19:58 — Habits of Toxic Mothers-in-Law
22:40 — When Going No Contact Becomes Necessary
34:30 — Can In-Laws Destroy a Marriage?
37:32 — Final Thoughts

SOURCES
Should Grandparents Be Denied Access to Grandkids?
https://www.tiktok.com/@simplysana_a/...
The Mother-in-Law Comments Are Unhinged
https://www.tiktok.com/@taylormakesvi...
Red Flags in a Daughter-in-Law?
https://www.tiktok.com/@karaparker000...
When Your Spouse Sees Through Your Family’s Behavior
https://www.tiktok.com/@frankie_ace33...
Why the Daughter-in-Law Gets Blamed
https://www.tiktok.com/@briknighttt/v...
What Mothers-in-Law Don’t Understand
https://www.tiktok.com/@queenc_707/vi...
A Mom Admits In-Laws Can Be Difficult
https://www.tiktok.com/@heyjanellemar...
Habits of Toxic Mothers-in-Law
https://www.tiktok.com/@micahstephens...
When Going No Contact Becomes Necessary
https://www.tiktok.com/@carlianna_/vi...
Can In-Laws Destroy a Marriage?
https://www.tiktok.com/@j.boss7/video...

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ABOUT
My main goal is to provide you the tools to rationally share your opinion on tough topics.

I've adopted the mindset that you can either be a victim of your past or a victor of your future and that at some point, you have to move forward in your life and accept that you are the present manifestation of the past.

I'll always be here to share my thoughts and offer a new perspective on tough topics. From politics to culture and self-development to new ideas, I'm here to talk about it all.

MENTIONS
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20 Comments

@Hackfraud1803 1 day ago

“I’m grieving that they’re not the person that I thought they were going to be” damn brother, that hit hard

@RH04140 1 day ago

I’ve been with my fiancé for five years and we just got engaged. From day one his parents welcomed me and treated me like their daughter. I’ve been called their DIL for three years and they were waiting for him to pop the question. His mom has taught me all her recipes (she’s Peruvian and I’m from the south) and I taught her my recipes and it’s something we shared bc we love to cook. Thankfully his mom is sane and not crazy possessive of her son even though she kinda has every right to be super protective. He’s literally their miracle baby as he was adopted right when they were resigning to the idea that they’d never have kids. Him and his parents are also super close and he calls them almost every day and we love to be around them. His parents did a phenomenal job. They’re super respectful of our relationship and encouraging to both of us. I literally couldn’t ask for better in laws😭❤️

@clangley6956 1 day ago

My husband's mother only calls him around pay day. He used to get physically sick when she called. I had to show him how to say "no" and stand up for himself.

@SeasonedSalad 1 day ago

My parents and inlaws are besties, they hang out without my spouse and I 😂

@maryparrish1426 10 hours ago

When we first got married, my husband and I both agreed that his mom would never be allowed to be alone with our kids because of her lack of respect for boundaries and her messed up parenting beliefs. After seeing how she's treated our nephew, we're glad we stuck with this decision, even though we're still not sure if we want to be parents.

@SandyMeeshell 1 day ago (edited)

I have been with my husband for 20 years and my MIL has been a CONSTANT thorn.. He can do no wrong, while I can do nothing right.. She has to control everything, she says nasty things about me behind my back, asks my children questions about our home/habits (she has zero faith in my ability to be a Mom and "deserving" wife), I even found out that she had been calling around and putting herself as "main person to contact" at my kids Drs/Dentists offices.. Like, insane levels of control!! And harassment.. She literally screamed "Fuck you, fuuuuck youuuuu" to me because I told her that we had a different route picked out for a road trip we were going on.. She was that mad that I wouldn't rearrange our entire route through 3 states.. Absolutely insane.. And I dealt with it and remained polite and cordial for almost 2 decades.. But I have finally stopped talking to her over this past year.. It is now my husband's job to deal with his mother.. To coordinate and text and plan.. I don’t go up to their house anymore (which kind of sucks cause his Dad is great).. But I keep trying to explain to him, like "You love my mom.. You think she's the best.. Now, pay attention to how my mom treats you.. And then watch how your mom treats me.." I'm just done.. And you know what?! Life has been SOOOOO much more peaceful ever since 🤷🏽‍♀️✌🏽❤️

@chantelebluhm 12 hours ago

I grew up in a very tumultuous household and my boyfriend didn't... I can't tell you how happy I am that he has a family that loves him like that and how lucky I am that they have accepted me

@Estassi55 1 day ago

Grateful for my MIL, she says I’m “the girl she never had”❤

@kgibbs13 1 day ago

This is so sad. I’m on my second marriage and I have had TWO amazing mother in laws. To my second marriage I brought two daughters and my in laws treat them exactly like they do all of their blood grandchildren. I’m a lucky woman.

@mariemoore2835 1 day ago

My MIL hated me from day one. There are so many stories but off the top of my head, when my husband and I were dating we were living together in an apartment. My MIL lived in the same apartment complex across the parking lot from us. She had gone to a store and found one of those signs you hang in your window like the “baby on board” signs. She bought me one that said I love “my husband‘s name” she also bought herself one, even though she was married to a man with a different name! After we got married, her husband and stepdaughters had moved up north, and we lived in the south. She wanted to fly my husband up to see her and her family at Christmas time. My husband asked her what about me and she told him “she’s not my family” to which he replied “ well, she’s my family so if she’s not your family, then I’m not your family either” she changed her tune real quick. Unfortunately, the last time we saw her, she had moved in with us, and we made her move out because of the problems she was causing she told my husband “I love you and I love my grandbabies, but this will never be more than a slut and a whore”. I just smiled at her and closed the sliding glass door on her. He never spoke to her again.

@heatherfreeling3953 1 day ago

So glad you married into a family that loves you. I get that there is grief being "the one who has the 'bad' family" or however you phrased it, but sounds like you are sparing your man a whole lot of grief! Enjoy the family you have and the family you make and know that you deserve all good things! Also - eating cinnamon caramel cookies I just made!

@matilda-opal 1 day ago

I got so lucky, my soon to be MIL always wanted a daughter but had 4 boys so she treats me like the daughter she always wanted. she's very girly and so am I, and my mom is very tom boy ish and not into the things I like, so we get to bond over makeup, perfume, shopping, etc like she literally bought me more gifts for xmas than her son this past year lol

@MeghanChamblin 1 day ago

I will never forget how my in-laws both independently posted publicly on Facebook about how sad they were about our engagement because they convinced themselves they were intentionally left to be told last about it… they learned the day after my parents (of which didn’t post about it and only helped spread word in my extended family). Fast forward, this month is our wedding. They weren’t invited because they couldn’t apologize for their hurtful behavior towards us as a couple, me individually, and abusive behavior towards their own son. He has no relationship with two of his three younger sisters, and his parents. They’re spreading lies about us/him in their church openly. If it stays this way we’ve decided our future children won’t have a relationship with them and if they do it will be heavily monitored until the kids are grown then they can decide themselves.

@lizz2244 22 hours ago

The visceral reaction that the former abused person can have when they are welcomed into a normal family is ridiculous. I grew up in an abusive home. I knew it was abusive because we hid what happened behind closed doors and lied about it when visiting my step moms parents house. I thought that my step grandparents were normal. Nope. There's a reason why my step mom is the person she is. And on the subject of the grief from cutting out abusive parents. There's not only grief but guilt. If you've spent you're whole life being told how much of an ungrateful brat who doesn't appreciate the sacrifices that you're abusive parents have made for you, those feelings will linger. Years later you'll have those thoughts of self doubt creep in "maybe I should let my dad whole beat my little brothers with 2x4s and kicked my other sibling out of the house and had me doing the dishes with a broken leg while he made messes meet his grandchild. He was nice to me sometimes, and we played his favorite video games together occasionally. He worked hard to put a roof over our heads." And then you have to have a stern conversation with yourself about how you want your child to learn understanding about the world, and what you were taught isn't right. I should do my best to teach her what is right. (Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. Brains don't always lay trauma out all pretty.)

@katelyn9011 12 hours ago

I'm currently pregnant and I'm due on Valentine's Day. I told my fiance to go spend time with his mom on Mother's Day. I'm probably going to a friend's house or my mother's.

I primarily just want him to spend time with his mother even though I have no desire for her.
I have offered sitting down and letting her run her mouth about me. Now I have no desire to do that, even with a new baby.

@MeowMixLife 12 hours ago

My first mother in law was straight from hell. She was obsessed with her son to the point it was sickening. Having horrible in-laws will completely destroy your marriage if your partner refuses to see how unhealthy the behavior is.

@HoarderJay 1 day ago

My dad's first wife was hella toxic and was slowly isolating him from his friends and family so hers can be the only family

Thankfully once she tried to separate him from my wonderful Grandma, he ran. My mom and later my step mom both had very supportive family from my dad's side, never once mistreating them (exception being the "family" that was cut off. They can treat my dad however, but he won't stand for disrespect on the mothers of his children)

My grandpa on his side was still very social with my mom till his sudden passing.

That's what "family is family" should be like. I can't imagine having insane in laws