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I Bought a Brand New House After My Divorce…Here It Is

The Minimal Mom

493,216 views

Visit https://helixsleep.com/minimalmom to get 27% Off Site wide with the Sleep Week Exclusive Partner Sale! That's 27% Off Site wide! Thank you Helix Sleep for sponsoring! #helixsleep #helixmattress #mattresstopper

"The Line" Segment as its own video: The Line. When to stay, when to go.
"The Line" Printable (with boundaries explanation, too): https://www.theminimalmom.com/pl/2148...

Resources I recommend if you're in a confusing relationship:

What was really helpful for me when I was trying to figure out what to do next was just to learn more, that gave me a lot of clarity. I like to follow Natalie Hoffman from Flying Free, she helps Christian women untangle confusing relationships. Here is a video of her with Bob Hamp: What the Healing Journey Looks Like [277]

I've also found Leslie Vernick's podcast to be helpful (also faith-based): https://leslievernick.podbean.com/

These podcast episodes were helpful for me, too (not faith-based):

Podcast on NOT feeling guilty: https://loveandabuse.com/six-reasons-...

Podcast about creating the "Ick" List: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...

Find most things in my new house here: https://www.amazon.com/shop/minimalmo...

My Desk (just a table!): https://amzn.to/4rX7sNh
Desk Chair (not super comfortable!): https://amzn.to/4riFJoR
Frame TV: https://amzn.to/4aTT7Lx
Frame for Frame TV: https://amzn.to/4lcqD2Z
Pet Covers for Couch: https://amzn.to/4d3vbqb
Living Room Area Rug: https://amzn.to/4rftBoL
Black Bed Frame: https://amzn.to/46HCeRA
Floral Sheets: https://amzn.to/4r7Lo0Z
Corelle Dishes: https://corelle.com/products/corelle-...
Salt and Pepper Shakers: https://amzn.to/46IYmLu
Favorite Dish Clothes: https://amzn.to/4rdjP6s
Kitchen Cup Drawer Pulls: https://amzn.to/4d4gm6M
Kitchen Cabinet Knobs: https://amzn.to/47qlUF2

🖤 I N T H I S V I D E O
⤷ My Amazon Storefront: https://urlgeni.us/amazon/minimalmom
⤷ My Jewelry (helps women out of poverty!): https://tradesofhope.com/minimalmom

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MINIMAL MOM MEMBERSHIP COMMUNITY:
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Your monthly subscription will include:
Daily strategy videos
Live guided decluttering sessions
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🖤 DECLUTTERING PLAYLISTS

New to our channel & Minimalism? Start Here
⤷ https://cli.re/START-HERE
Kitchen Decluttering :: https://cli.re/Kitchen-Decluttering
Storage Spaces :: https://cli.re/declutter-storage-spaces
Kids' Toys :: https://cli.re/toys-playlist
Sentimental Things :: https://cli.re/Decluttering-Sentiment...

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 The House I Never Thought I’d Buy
00:30 Entryway Ideas & My Minimalist Design Plans
01:20 The One Thing That Made Me Choose This House
02:40 My “Controversial” Kitchen Minimalism Experiment
03:40 The Real Reason I Picked This Location
05:10 My Bedroom Makeover (Adding Color & Personality)
08:00 Living With Almost Nothing in My Closet
09:20 The Kids’ Bedrooms & What They Think of the House
11:20 Basement Plans & What We Might Add Later
12:10 Why Closing Day Felt Bittersweet
13:20 How I Decide What to Buy New vs Thrifted
15:40 The “Dignity Line” Questions Everyone Asked

20 Comments

@TheMinimalMom Creator 6 months ago Pinned

Visit https://helixsleep.com/minimalmom to get 27% Off Site wide with the Sleep Week Exclusive Partner Sale! That's 27% Off Site wide! Thank you Helix Sleep for sponsoring and THANK YOU for all of your love and support! I'm so grateful for you! (Find links to the resources I mentioned in the video description!) - Dawn

@erikakirkland3016 6 months ago

Came for the declutter tips, stayed for the therapy. You are a gift. ✨

@jenroroy 6 months ago (edited)

The reasons you bought this particular house are because you want bonding relationships with your children before they leave the nest and because it’s convenient to your parents as they age.

You bought a house because of your hard work and determination. You bought THIS house because of love. 🥰

@denisearonow4921 6 months ago (edited)

I left an abusive marriage after twenty seven years, seventeen years ago. Your dignity line is brilliant. Copyright it. Congratulations on your new home.

@laurengarcia1453 6 months ago

Dawn, I have followed you for several years and I just want to say thank you for your honestly and your courage in sharing your life with us even and especially when things aren’t perfect. I know this has been an incredibly hard road you have walked and I am so appreciative that you have chosen to share the wisdom and insight you’ve gained in the process. The dignity line puts words to something I have been trying to fully grasp and express for a long time. This concept can change lives, truly. I’m so grateful for you and wish you and your children joy and peace in your new home ❤️

@ruthbraden-l6h 6 months ago

The things we have energy for when younger become exhausting or intolerable as we get older.

@UntetheredBanshee 6 months ago (edited)

THE DIGNITY LINE NEEDS TO BE YOUR NEXT BOOK. When you finish this one of course! It could seriously save lives. I've read everything under the sun and been in therapy, but this is so so clear and helpful. Everything you're saying is truly insightful, something people in abusive situations need to hear.

@gailn9502 6 months ago

As someone who has had financial strain since my divorce and now rent a small condo (after raising kids in 3200 sf on two acres), let me just say that I am SO HAPPY for you and your new house and the fact that you have options! 👏💛 This is a very good thing! To be clear, I am grateful that I am able to rent my space. I have my own washer and dryer, a deck, and live in a safe neighborhood. It’s still worth celebrating! 💜💯🙌

@AmandaJYoungs 6 months ago

I once left a (slightly) mean comment on one of your videos. I had no idea what you were going through or managing at the time, and I want to apologise for that, Dawn. I hope you get to see this, but if not, hopefully it will float through the ether and the sentiment behind it will reach you one day.

@jilliancamacho3755 6 months ago

I’m so glad you finally used the term, “emotional abuse.” I’m sure that’s been tricky to work in, but it’s so important.

@SlowStichwithMe 4 months ago (edited)

Oh man
That dignity line hits hard every time you share it.
31 years in marriage and it gets worse with time, not better.
Especially in a Christian marriage where we are told to "lay down our life" or keep trying or try something else, keep forgiving etc. and I do but my self esteem is so bad.

We moved interstate it's lonely.
But even if we hadn't - I have a toxic type family of origin so no healthy mother / sister relationships/ close friendships have drifted and changed to be lopsided / one way / shallow or competitive ugh.

I feel so stupid and NEVER saw this coming of my marriage.. Did I really just have rose coloured glasses on this whole time?
I love him still, so deeply.
But I can't turn myself inside out to try and fix him or beg anymore for him to change. Even in his grief, he thinks mainly of himself and really struggles to see the damage it causes me. When I pointed this out he said it was because he was afraid of being rejected.
My husband was/ is the "nice quiet guy" the "do anything for you guy" the
"Easy going everyone loves him"
But he can be a totally different person behind closed doors.

I wonder what you would have done? Genuinely
.......if there wasn't a supportive mother, father, sister siblings friendship role in your life? ..
Would you still have left ? Or stayed?

My positive is I don't have any children to look after... They are grown.
My problem is and I am embarrassed to admit I don't know how to support myself financially.
I can definitely see why so many woman stay when it's "just emotional abuse"..
They wear you down. I am a small piece of what I used to be when I was younger..... I used to be a property manager, now I can barely manage my house or my emotions.
Perimenopausal, likely AUDHD and probably with a bit of (CPTSD) physical health issues. Empath.
I know all that gets thrown around a lot. But where else can you say it?
Where else is one heard...... except for our heavenly father, in prayer?.

I have started with decluttering and already feel better, that is a good place to start. 🌸
I have always struggled "looking back in family photos, and didn't quite know why. .. you mentioned this in a previous video and it makes sense.

I am very grateful for your YouTube channel, Thank you Dawn. 🌸

@JacqlynJordan 6 months ago

I wish I could like this 100 times. The Dignity Line is so helpful and articulates what I felt for decades before finally getting a divorce. I would also add a revelation that I had towards the end of my marriage: that people who don't truly love or respect themselves are the people who cannot give love and respect in return. And that abusers, whether it is emotional or financial or sexual abuse, are the most insecure people you will ever meet. These abusive and insecure people will tell you that you wouldn't make it without them, but the truth is they would struggle in life without you and your strengths, and that's why they try to hold onto you as long as you'll let them suck the life and resources out of you. Congratulations on your new home!

@gailcooper5646 6 months ago

I am seventy years old and I still remember my parents telling me that loving your children is unconditional, however, loving your spouse is conditional. My husband and I hold those words very close, especially when raising our daughters. Many are shocked by this stance when we have shared this statement, but, then they realize how true it is. A partner cannot expect love in return for a lack of respect, tenderness, security, emotional support, generosity, and all those things that are so vital to support a happy partnership or marriage.

@chereeburtner4659 6 months ago

I'm 70, been divorced 25 years. I was in a similar relationship. I finally had to be true to myself and wanted a life to move forward. It was one of the most difficult times in my life. But, I made a life with my daughters and they soon went off to college and made their own lives. I then found my high school sweetheart and married him. Thought that would never happen. We had 20 good years together and he passed away a year ago. Your life will open up and many exciting things will happen if you want them to. You are doing a great job. Very wise lady.

@patriciahamm8156 6 months ago

I left my marriage of 30 years for the same reason. In my opinion the boundary model assumes that your spouse cares that you are unhappy and it can takes years to admit to yourself that they actually don't care. They tell you that they love you and will change, but I believe they are content with their life and simply do not care that you are not. They want their contented life to continue uninterrupted by your needs and will tell you whatever you need to hear in order to make that happen, but there is never any follow through. They may make a half hearted effort for a week or two, then right back to the way it was. They give you just enough so you rack your brain to figure out a way to make those improvements permanent. Negative or problematic behavior always rears it's ugly head when you try to set boundaries or get your needs met as a way to make you avoid similar requests in the future. They try to skirt the line of the minimal amount of effort they need to give to make you stay, but they inevitably dip below that line regularly. When you are about to leave, they suddenly make a big turnaround and their behavior drastically improves until you are fully engaged again and then they drop the act. Basically they use the carrot and the stick method to keep you there.

@christiS907 6 months ago

Basement could be an apt for college aged kids. Saves lots of money and makes them more responsible

@ChrisieCouncil 6 months ago

Years ago I commented on one of your videos…your then husband had disrespected you in the video. I was in shock and furious for you. I saw it…how you were being treated. It broke my heart…

I am proud of you for loving yourself and your kids…for showing them what boundaries and healthy relationships look like!

Congratulations on your new home! May it be full of love, mutual respect, and things that make you happy! ❤

BTW I’m a Christian and I believe marriage covenants should be honored…but abuse should never be tolerated by one of His Precious Daughters…and their protection comes first! ❤

@StephanieGiese 6 months ago

Dawn, I really sincerely hope you consider writing a book called The Dignity Line because you truly hit on something you articulated so well with that illustration, but I know SO many women who've struggled with that exact sentiment.

@PamelaLCL 6 months ago

Keep the upper cabinets. I had a house once with only bottom cabinets. I hated it. I got tired of bending over. Now at my age it wouldn't work at all.

@Rachel-qv9sk 6 months ago

I happen to be watching this video while working my job that I’ve started to realize is mistreating me. Taking away benefits and expecting more and more while being told “We appreciate you! You’re doing great!” I needed this.