Dissociation to me is a safety mechanism. Loneliness is less painful than rejection. Not starting a task is better than failing at it. Not saying something is better than being judged or laughed at for it. It’s an unhealthy strategy but it seems reasonable at the time. Thanks for this podcast. This chat really resonated with me. I’m really struggling at the moment and hearing I’m not the only one who experiences the world this way is a small comfort.

When my son was 14 he had a heartbreaking life moment that sent me into a mama bear rage that completely overwhelmed my body and brain. Neither one of us had been diagnosed fully, but have since learned about out adhd+.
He had been struggling through school and felt like huge disappointment to everyone and FINALLY going to be able to go to the excellent local tech school, which had a Marine Deisel program that was a perfect fit. The boy had been repairing and building things since he could hold a fork. At five he’d be up at 6 am mowing the lawn with a rotary mower. He was unstoppable.
At the interview for the tech school the first thing out of the interviewer’s mouth was that he was unlikely to be accepted because his history grade was poor. He was stricken. Unable to hold back his emotions, he walked out of the interview. Turns out the school had a great engineering program, so all the would-be engineers applied and took all the spots. The school that was built for the outsiders was sending them away, increasing their sense of failure.
I was so furious, and I couldn’t understand the physical pain I felt for him. I can only imagine how he felt. Now it makes sense. Thank you for covering this.

BTW, he managed to muddle through and get his GED. He has since become a welder and just got asked to become shop supervisor, at age 26. When he was asked to come to the office for a talk he thought he was being fired. He’s only now realizing that people think he’s awesome. ❤

Thanks for keeping it free and not doing a members only package where we have to wait for days before being allowed to freely watch the content 🙌 💛

It makes me feel paranoid and so unhappy. RSD is awful  because you second guess every, single interaction, just in case you may have done something to make people hate you.

Alex, I started reading your book.  I think there's nuance to the idea that children develop RSD as a result of 20,000 criticisms by age 10. For high masking, "good girls" who pre-emptively avoid criticisms for their survival, I feel this leaves out the fact that RSD originates via a biological mechanism that is exacerbated by criticism.  

RSD is widely considered by specialists to be rooted in the intrinsic wiring of the ADHD nervous system. People with ADHD process emotions differently and intensely; their brains have trouble regulating the emotional "volume" of rejection.

I was an A student whose brother was diagnosed with ADD.  He was always told, "why can't you be more like your sister." However, I struggled intensely with RSD growing up and am now getting my ADHD assessment at 51.

My chest burns, I get nauseated, my face overheats, and when it's really bad I get tunnel vision. I'm 65 years old and I'm only now learning that, no, I'm not over-sensitive, and yes, this is legitimage.

You have a lot of podcasts explaining what RSD is and how it affects you but there’s never much information on how to overcome it, we need podcasts diving deep on how to overcome it

Ambiguity has been my biggest nemesis for my whole life, and I have a remarkable ability to find the ambiguity in almost any situation. 😖 My biggest fear (for as long as I can remember) is the fear of being or doing something wrong.

I have to hold my phone tight every time I walk over a footbridge because I get a compulsive urge to throw my phone in the water😊

I hadn’t realized that my slipping into the accents of others so easily, or taking on the feelings or emotions of others was a symptom of something. It’s so difficult when someone around me will blow up in anger about something, but then be fine five minutes later, and I’m still carrying the physical body response of that anger, even when it’s never directed at me.

I vividly remember my emotional pain in my youth when I felt unfairly judged or rejected, only to be accused of drowning myself in self-pity and that I should stop, because there are people out there with much worse problems than mine. To this day family would still call my reactions ridiculous, making matters so much worse

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) in ADHD is an intense, overwhelming emotional pain triggered by perceived rejection, criticism, or failure

[Should be in the descriptor]

Throughout my life, I dealt with enormous pain associated with rejection, which lead to fear (terror more accurately) of the people who MIGHT reject me. It lead to self loathing, self harm and being cruel and hareful to others after perceived rejection. Suicidal Idolization came as well, I didn't understand why others didn't feel this awful pain the way I did, I came to firmly believe I was a monster and would argue with anyone who said otherwise.
I'm 55 now, and in the last few years I've only just started learning that I MIGHT be wrong. Thank you.

Thank you !!  It's excruciatingly painful and I have always thought it was extreme jealousy NOW I can give it a name = RSD!!!

Oh my gosh. I’m in tears. I always thought there was something so wrong bc I was the only person feeling this pain and my family judged me for it. I’ve never been understood or even believed when I said it physically hurts… my family has rejected me finally at 43 years old and I feel so alone. The pain can be so unbearable and the only way to end it becomes suicidal ideation. God bless us and help us all. ❤

A lot of my post diagnosis impulse behaviours over around the previous 40 to 50 years made sense why I acted the way I did after this video. It's like the more research that is being done, the more we all understand but also, the more we can probably discover that there is a reason behind so long being misdiagnosed!

I FEEL like I talk too much, take up to much space and am always anxious, thinking people don't like me, while others say that's not at all true. When a man breaks up with me my pain is both mental and physical, and the pain - getting over someone - is taking way longer than normal. I can't let go of the thoughts and I stay attached emotionally and depressed for a year sometimes longer. I would love to be able to let those feelings and attachment for past relationships go.💔

I’d always thought that I people pleased because I love seeing people happy. And while this is true, I didn’t do it because I wanted to be liked by everyone, deep down I would be doing it in the hopes of avoiding people getting upset with me.

For me, the worst part of ADHD is the thing that impacts my everyday life, and that is not being able to stick to anything for more than five minutes (slight exaggeration 😅) no matter how much I enjoy it. I get so fixated on something: art, or whatever, and go all in until I completely burn out and stop. Consistency is not part of my vocabulary. It's beyond frustrating.

Re: RSD and s*icide
In the 60s I had an adult relative who was experiencing "depression". They suffered through years of electroshock therapy in an effort to get relief. This was largely ineffective. Sadly they took their own life.  In the years of treatment, when asked what the problem was they would only say "Nobody likes me." Looking back at this extremely loveable person I can't help but believe that they suffered from neurodivergence with a heavy dose of RSD. Of course in that time neither their friends and family nor the medical community knew anything about either of those things and treatment was a distant fantasy. I'm so thankful for the advances in knowledge we have today. Not to mention the availability of info for the general public through channels like this one.