In the beginning, everything feels like a dream. They come into your life with this intensity that almost knocks the wind out of you. They tell you they’ve never met anyone like you. They say you’re their soulmate, their forever, the person they’ve been waiting their whole life to find. They say it so convincingly that you start to believe it. They call you constantly just to “hear your voice,” they text you good morning and goodnight without missing a single day, and they talk about a future with you like it’s already decided. They tell you they’ve never opened up to anyone the way they open up to you, and you feel chosen in a way that’s hard to explain.
They start showing up with surprises your favorite coffee, little gifts, love notes, playlists they made “just for you.” They want to be with you every moment, and when they can’t be, they make sure you know you’re on their mind. They tell their friends about you, post you on social media, brag about how lucky they are. It feels so real, so intense, so full of passion that you don’t even question it. You think you finally found someone who sees your worth.
And then slowly so slowly you almost don’t notice at first the shift happens. Their messages become shorter. Their responses get colder. That constant affection they poured over you gets replaced with excuses. They’re suddenly “too tired” or “too stressed” or “too busy.” You ask if everything is okay, and they brush you off with a sigh or a sarcastic comment about you being clingy. When you try to explain that something feels different, they act confused, like you’re imagining things.
Then comes the part that stings the most. They start blaming you. They tell you you’re overthinking. They say you’re insecure. They throw your emotions back in your face as if caring is a flaw. You go from being the most incredible person they’ve ever met to someone who “always complains.” And right when you’re hurting, right when you’re starting to question the relationship, they flip the switch again. Out of nowhere, they show up with flowers, with gifts, with long texts about how much they love you. They promise things will get better, that you’re the only one for them, that they’re just stressed and you’re misunderstanding them.
But the truth is, they’re not showing affection because they love you they’re doing it to keep you from walking away. The cheating, the lies, the secrets they’re all still happening in the background. The love bombing becomes their reset button, the tool they use to pull you back into believing the dream again, even though the reality no longer matches the fantasy they sold you in the beginning.
It becomes a cycle of intensity followed by distance, warmth followed by cruelty, promises followed by pain. And the most heartbreaking part is that you start chasing the version of them that existed only in the beginning, not realizing that version was never real to begin with. The love bombing wasn’t the relationship it was the trap

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Until I came across Dr. Ramani the answer was infinite but no more.  Indifference to these people is becoming the new norm for me.   I prayed my entire life for the truth and I finally found it.   "It is not you"

Lady we are infinitely grateful that you survived and have become this badass doctor.

Survivors often find themselves wondering: "Was it truly abuse, or did I inadvertently cause it all?"

I lost count until I’ve reached the survivor stage where I no longer care what they say or think.  You are always the villain in their minds.  I see now their lack of intelligence when they want to come off to the world as the smartest, richest person in the world.  It’s really sad what they are truly missing in life and relationships.

I love your authenticity and advice!

RANT AWAY DOCTOR.  You find the words to describe what so many of us live … BUT we are too tired, hurt and worn out to rant for our own relief. So, RANT AWAY DOCTOR.

Man  I love Dr Ramani so much. She is like the mother I never had😢

What would we do without you, Dr.Ramani?!

Dr. Ramani, I wonder how many lives you have saved with these priceless videos. I know you’ve saved mine.

The people who think you are petty and dismissive either never have to put up with it or are narcs themselves. End of.😊

10 years. But the true number during this chaos is infinity until I left

The answer: too many times. Now, absolute clarity. I've learned a tremendous amount from you. Thanks for helping me out of the pit.😊

And this doesn't only go for narcissism this can also be applied to a relationship with an alcoholic, any addict (gambling, po rn, drugs etc)
We will always be shamed by somebody who doesn't approve that we give up on these very damaging relationships. I'm so thankful for you Dr Ramani, your work is setting so many people free.

The level of empathy you have for this topic and the level of inclusion with which you speak ... You are a life saver and every night before sleeping I listen to any one of your short videos just stay alert and grounded. Thank you and I think being an Indian you understand so well what we go through culturally.

I am giving you a standing ovation at this very moment.   Every time I think you cannot top yourself, you prove me wrong.   Thank you again.

19 years and sooooooooooo many 1000’s of times

A very insightful, but all too familiar topic. Thanks, Dr Ramani.

Some people expect us to endure behavior that they would not endure for a minute.  "Go save your family".  "Have you forgiven him?"

WOW!!!!!
KEEP MAKING VIDEOS,PLEASE!!!!
YOUR HELPING PEOPLE LIKE ME!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!

BY THE WAY MY #IS 35 years