Heyhey, cis dude here. Obviously I don't have the same experiences you do, but just know that regret is a thing but try not to beat yourself up too much over it. Also for anyone currently in the situation described, there's a ton of people that even though they don't understand the exact situation, will understand some aspects of it and will support you, you just gotta find them.

I still hate myself soooooo soooo much for being too scared to transition 5 years ago. I could have been more myself in my twenties, but now I'm starting my thirties out that way.

Hay, I've been following  for the past couple months. It's meant heaps to hear your experiences as I'm going through social transition at the moment. I'm in my early twenties now, and only recently have I realized how often I repressed trans feelings out of fear when I was in school. 'What if' scenarios circle my brain every bloody day, always mulling over why I didn't just talk about my own experiences to one of the several trans people I knew. I will drive myself mad continuing on like this, so I try to relax and forgive myself as best I can and understand that I had other worries back then too, even if many of them were inexplicably related to being an egg. Thank you so so much again, stay beautiful!

Thank you. I think I needed to see this right now. I was diagnosed with lupus around the time I realized I was trans, and my endocrinologist and rheumatologist at the time both agreed that transitioning should be shelved until my condition was more stable. It's been over a decade and I've been in remission for years, but I still haven't made any real progress with my transition goals. I've got an infusion coming up on the 1st. It might be time to bring up gender-affirming care with my rheumatologist.

Oooo

yay new video

I still have so much fear and self-loathing. I spent years mentally blocking the idea. "I'm just GNC, there's nothing wrong with that", and there wouldn't be, if I wasn't using that as an excuse to cope. I spent so long trying to hide it. I grew up in a culture that still hates queer people to this day, and I internalized all of it despite moving away and intellectually understanding that it was wrong. I spent my teens and early 20s incredibly depressed. I am 27 now. I have intrusive thoughts of it all being too late, and that my life is over, and how I'll never be beautiful. Despite having trans friends I loved and supported, I was never able to support myself. I am going to the doctor very soon, I feel like this is my last chance to really do something about it, and live my life. I'm still so scared, and I've never felt this alone.