#closeyourmouthrey

Also, I noticed, I sound a bit tired here, idk why, sorry for potential mispronunciations or garbled speech, even my vocal chords were protesting me speaking about this abomination x

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"The Skywalker saga ends with all the Skywalkers dead and a Palpatine taking over."

Damn.

TFA- JJ leaves a bunch of empty mystery boxes
TLJ - Rian Johnson sh!ts in all of them
TROS - JJ sets that sh!t on fire

This movie is probably the most perfect application of “our expectations for you were already low but holy sh!t”

I can't believe my boy, Qui-Gon Jinn died just for the galaxy to end up like this

Kylo Ren as "the most three-dimensionally acted one-dimensional character" was superb, and sad - so glad to see Driver still working actively, great talent

I find it A Real Headscratcher (TM) that when Disney needed someone to finish this story, they got the guy who has proven repeatedly that he cannot satisfactorily finish a story.

I honestly forgot a planet blew up in this movie.

The "Somehow Hitler returned" is the German 2015 film "Look who's back", and it's genuinely quite a good film. Unlike anything Disney produced that year or since.

“A Jedi’s weapon deserves more respect” has the exact same energy as “This will begin to make things right” at the beginning of TFA. JJ kisses your ass while acting like he’s better than you.

its very telling that pretty much every analytical piece of content around this wretched trilogy is better than the actual movies

I'm grateful for the Rise of Skywalker being so terrible that it united a fandom badly divided after TLJ to agreeing, yes, the sequels were a disaster.

Sith dagger scene was the dumbest in the history of cinema. My brain bled a river of lava when she pulled out the little pointy arrow.

I don't understand their obsession with blowing up planets. In the original movies (the only movies), they built a battle station that had planet destroying capabilities. It wasn't designed to go around blowing up planets, the big gun was there the same as nukes are used, a show of force and deterrent. They used it on Alderan to prove they weren't empty threats. But in these movies, everything is about blowing up planets, the new Death Star is purely for that reason, the fleet of destroyers were only for that reason. It doesn't make sense to destroy planets, you get nothing from it unless using it for leverage from someone else, which they weren't. They were just going around eliminating entire planets worth of resources The writers couldn't think deeper about why they were blowing them up apart from baddies are bad.

I subscribe to the theory that Palpatine won and took over Rey's body.

Palpatine than buries the lightsabers of the skywalkers on the planet where one was a slave, another was made prisoner hidden away from his father's gaze, and one was made into a sex slave to a giant slug.

After disposing of their legacy, by literally burying it where the step brother of anakin and the aunt and uncle of Luke were murdered leaving Luke to find their charred corpses.

Ultimately, Palpatine steals the skywalker familial identity, legacy, and reputation; as they are all dead through Rey's own efforts, on her behalf, or because she was there.

You briefly point this out at around the 16m mark, but what I found astonishing about TRoS was not that it compulsively retconned everything it remembered from TLJ, but that it actually started retconning itself almost immediately. She killed chewbacca! No she didn't. There's only one way out of this planet, and Dameron's girlfriend sacrifices herself to save him. Oh no she didn't, she somehow returned and also took babu frik with her or whatever. They're in a pinch now, the dyed in the wool fascists are about to executen them. Umm, excuse me, Hux was the spy all along. Rey killed Ren. Sykes! She healed him. Rey died! Sykes! she was resurrected. Ren will have to face the world after everything he did. Lol, lmao, haha, he's dead. Even the snake thing doesn't stay dead.

There is not a single moment in the film where something significant happens and then just *sticks*. C3P0 gives an entire speech before being effectively killed by losing all his memories, and then *doesn't get killed*. It's legitimately a joke after a while. It obsessively retcons itself, *live*, at most a few minutes after anything happens. Consequently, literally nothing actually happens, and the consequence of that, obviously, is that nothing matters. Not only do events not have time to breath, not only do they not impact the story or the characters in any way, the events themselves only really occur by a technicality, in order to fulfil their apparent narrative purpose of being reversed immediately afterwards. it's a film that comprehensively annuls itself as it goes.

The most hilarious part in this movie is that the Palpatine's message mentioned in the opening text was done in FORTNITE.

i dont agree with you. the last jedi feels like it hates us, so it at least makes me feel something. it makes me feel emotions. with rise of skywalker i felt: "oh leia died? whatever. palpatine somehow returned? how yeah sure what else... rey skywalker? sure buddy..." i just felt apathy....

When I was a wee lad, we used to play with our action figures in the backyard. We were able to come up with more exciting and cohesive stories with tons of action without even trying…. That’s cause all of us understood we were just kids and we didn’t care if one person suddenly brings in boba fett even though we’re fighting on Endor. Hey that’s cool. But JJ and Rian are two adults in the same backyard and each is throwing their action figures at real kids and saying, YOU WILL LIKE THIS ! YOUR SNOKE THEROY SUCKS KID! Lol

Never forget that Palpy CANONICALLY returned in a Fortnite event for all this to happen.