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Why They WON'T Talk About the Affair: The TRUTH About Cheaters and infidelity

Affair Recovery

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My Spouse Cheated...But Won't Talk About It! What It Really Means? When you’re struggling to get your questions answered, it’s easy to make assumptions about why the wayward refuses to talk about their affair. Today, Laurie draws from her own personal experience as she shares what may be lingering behind the wayward’s wall of silence.
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Chapters:
00:00:20 What Makes It So Difficult for a Wayward Spouse to Talk About Infidelity?
00:01:02 Why Wayward Spouses Don't Want to Talk About the Affair
00:01:36 The Wayward Spouse's Perspective: Why It Feels Like Nothing They Say Matters
00:01:55 Grieving the Loss of the Affair: The Wayward Spouse's Emotional Struggle
00:03:19 Understanding the Wayward Spouse's Mindset: Limerence and Delusion
00:04:02 Shame and Guilt: The Overwhelming Emotions of a Wayward Spouse
00:04:46 Why Wayward Spouses Don't Want to Talk About Their Affairs: Shame and Avoidance
00:05:50 The Low Tolerance for Emotional Pain: Wayward Spouses and Distress
00:06:45 The Message of Silence: What the Wayward Spouse's Hesitation Conveys
00:07:46 Understanding the Betrayed Spouse's Frustration: Finding Meaning in Silence
00:08:04 Finding Healing and Repair: Resources for Couples After an Affair

Infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW, is one of America’s foremost authorities on helping individuals and couples struggling with affairs and compulsive sexual behaviors. He is Founder and President of AffairRecovery.com, the first company to offer anonymous worldwide online group support for those impacted by infidelity. Reynolds holds a Master's Degree in Social Work and is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In 1992, Reynolds developed and began leading “affair recovery groups.” He received his Master's of Social Work from the University of Denver and completed three years of post-graduate training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family Therapy. He has also worked at the nationally-known Minirth-Meier Tunnel & Wilson Clinic before moving on to private practice: https://www.affairrecovery.com/about-...

#Infidelity #AffairRecovery #MarriageCounseling #WaywardSpouse #UnfaithfulSpouse

20 Comments

@AffairrecoveryLLC Creator 1 year ago Pinned

Has anyone else struggled with their spouse's silence after infidelity? What helped you, or what are you still struggling with? Sharing our experiences might help us all heal.

@jhyetter8938 1 year ago

Its not guilt. They are trying to hide the mountains of lies and deceit

@lisapitts9518 1 year ago

I divorced because of infidelity. No way was I going to be 2nd choice to a man that was suppose to put me first.

@Whatever4020 6 months ago

they don't want to talk about it because talking about it makes it real...they prefer to pretend to it never really happened...they want to forget about it....

@JohnDavis-oy3sm 4 months ago

All I wanted was for her to tell me the truth. And she could not tell me the truth. So. Can’t believe or trust her ever again. Sad thing is I gave up 25 years of my life. But I gained 2 beautiful daughters

@prozzak1 1 year ago

I may logically understand the silence but as the betrayed partner I don’t have the capacity for sympathy for it. I’m still too angry

@SREInvestments 1 year ago

So they lie, then ,lie, then lie some more

@SuperVerseman 1 year ago

She cheated on me as after 18 yrs and 6 kids. And there was no explicit mistreatment and nothing she could identify outright. Crushed me

@flawdacountryboy 1 year ago

Her defensiveness, rationalizing her actions, re-writing our history even when confronted with objectively true evidence that contradicts “her truth” and her not wanting to share more due to her own pain of confronting what she did.

@sunbeensunrunner5233 1 year ago

Interesting to hear this but pretty much impossible to feel any care for the cheater. I was nervous to look at the comments because my pain won't allow me to have any empathy toward my unfaithful husband. As much as I hate to see other people have pain, it's reassuring that I'm not alone in holding this grudge. Thanks to all who shared their perspective :)

@joleencox5900 1 year ago

I understand but the wayward spouse needs to remember that we didn't WANT to go through their infidelity, we, the betrayed, didnt WANT to have to accept the fact that they destroyed our life and family, etc. As a betrayed, i dont WANT to talk about it either but they made it a reality in our life so its time t0 grow up and talk about it!!

@RoseTheRealest 1 year ago

A grown adult making poor choices on a grand level like this is a major red flag. There’s a billion things you can do besides cheat so if you choose to do that, it says everything about you not your faithful partner who you don’t deserve

@landbarron1420 1 year ago

My wife cheated for 2.5 years before I found out. That was 1.5 years ago. I'm done. She shows no remorse and does not care about me in anyway. I'm leaving. We were married for 34 years. I took care of everything she didn't even work.

@Whatever4020 1 year ago

I think sometimes a wayward spouse does not want to talk about their infidelity because to talk about it makes it real and they would just like to pretend that it never happened. They are truly sorry and will never do it again but they just want to pretend that it never happened

@er1325-f4z 1 year ago

You know how painful that is to hear because everytime I knew he was cheating I seen him greave after he "left" the affair oh and he made me pay for it after 21 years I'm final leaving that relationship it's hard but I know it's the best thing for me I wish him the best in life but I want nothing to do with him.

@AbstractM0use 1 year ago

I can only say I struggle with the silence of her absence because I can't forgive infidelity. Once the trust is ruined, there's just no going back. Relationship over. I'll never feel secure with that woman again, because in the back of my mind I'll always think she's up to no good when I'm not around.

@LA-1969 1 year ago

From what I learned, because they are still doing it. 🙄

@jayman6905 10 months ago

The betrayer deserves to feel shame and guilt at very least. Because even then it will be nothing near the pain the betrayed is feeling. And if they want to make it work, the cheater must realise for many years they will effectively babysitting a person they have caused severe mental harm and will have to constantly reassure and change their schedules to meet the needs of the betrayed. And fit no one but themselves to blame

@perkl8er849 8 months ago

My wife had an emotional affair with her old friend and pen pal that turned into a sexting exchange while we weren’t separated yet. It lasted for about 6 months.

I caught her and called her out on it after months of lying to me and gaslighting me about the “we’re just friends” line was used over and over and over again. It ended (from what she told me) but I still don’t believe her. Here we are three months later, and she still has nothing to say about what she’s doing to heal, giving me half truths about what’s going on in her life. She refuses to show me her phone and let me keep her accountable. She hasn’t made any decisions to reconcile or take accountability. I’ve been living with a broken heart for a year now and it kills me inside.

@pauline-louisenewman2867 2 months ago

Most times they are still in touch and heartbroken. Only a matter of time before it rekindles. That’s why they don’t talk about it. It is still going on