The Galaxy Called Earth a Deathworld. Then They Learned Humans Camp for Fun.
The Human Archive
23,415 views
In this HFY sci-fi story, Earth is classified as a deathworld filled with dangerous weather, predators, active geology, and wilderness. Then an alien scientist discovers Humans go camping for fun.
Professor Cadrus Malk arrives on Earth to determine whether the planet's reputation is exaggerated.
Forty-three seconds later, something with teeth runs directly at him.
It's a dog.
Apparently Humans keep them inside their homes.
Things do not improve from there.
Cadrus watches Humans enjoy thunderstorms.
He discovers they've built viewing platforms beside scalding geothermal pools.
Then, on a free day, his Human guide takes him to a lake.
Cadrus notices tents.
Temporary shelters.
Beside perfectly good permanent buildings.
Humans have deliberately left those buildings so they can sleep outside.
For recreation.
Then Cadrus finds the wildlife warning.
A massive local animal.
Claws.
Teeth.
Detailed instructions about what to do if encountered.
Cadrus looks at the tents.
“These people are sleeping there.”
“Yes.”
“With that animal in the region.”
“Yes.”
Earth's deathworld classification suddenly seems entirely reasonable.
But over the next three weeks, Cadrus begins noticing something the warning label doesn't explain.
Humans don't survive Earth by pretending it isn't dangerous.
They survive because they know when to enjoy it…
and when to stop joking.
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Comment below: What Human outdoor activity would seem completely insane to an alien visiting Earth for the first time?
#HFY #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #SciFiStory
19 Comments
I have grown so used to being annoyed by butchered audio and poorly applied spelling of the text, this was an actual pleasant surprise.
"The black bear is shorter than a human, but usually weighs a bit more." He gives each hiker a short loop of rope with small bells and a can of spray. "If the bear insists on approaching, just shake the bells or spray them. It's pepper, it'll sting them but it won't harm them."
A nervous hiker asks "how do we know if they're around?"
The ranger replies "they have broad clawed footprints and leave piles of poop that may contain garbage - they get into trash cans. Now the grizzly bears are a whole different thing. They're very big and dangerous. If you see one, be quiet and back away; it's best to get quickly indoors or inside a solid vehicle."
Another hiker asks "how can we tell if grizzlies are around?"
The ranger smiles. "Easy. They have much bigger footprints and poop. And the poop piles smell like pepper and have little bells in them."
Suggestion if you're interested. I've been hoping to see an HFY about storm chasing. There are no inhabited planets with storms larger than those found on Earth. The conditions are just right. So aliens like to study Earth weather. A group of aliens join storm chasers in Kansas for the "real Earth experience" and get more than they bargained for.
Otherwise good.
The Galaxy Called Earth a Deathworld. Then They Learned Humans Camp for Fun.
The Human Archive
23,415 views
In this HFY sci-fi story, Earth is classified as a deathworld filled with dangerous weather, predators, active geology, and wilderness. Then an alien scientist discovers Humans go camping for fun.
Professor Cadrus Malk arrives on Earth to determine whether the planet's reputation is exaggerated.
Forty-three seconds later, something with teeth runs directly at him.
It's a dog.
Apparently Humans keep them inside their homes.
Things do not improve from there.
Cadrus watches Humans enjoy thunderstorms.
He discovers they've built viewing platforms beside scalding geothermal pools.
Then, on a free day, his Human guide takes him to a lake.
Cadrus notices tents.
Temporary shelters.
Beside perfectly good permanent buildings.
Humans have deliberately left those buildings so they can sleep outside.
For recreation.
Then Cadrus finds the wildlife warning.
A massive local animal.
Claws.
Teeth.
Detailed instructions about what to do if encountered.
Cadrus looks at the tents.
“These people are sleeping there.”
“Yes.”
“With that animal in the region.”
“Yes.”
Earth's deathworld classification suddenly seems entirely reasonable.
But over the next three weeks, Cadrus begins noticing something the warning label doesn't explain.
Humans don't survive Earth by pretending it isn't dangerous.
They survive because they know when to enjoy it…
and when to stop joking.
If you found value, hit like & subscribe!
Comment below: What Human outdoor activity would seem completely insane to an alien visiting Earth for the first time?
#HFY #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #SciFiStory