Heidi.....you are extra gifted at this. ❤  I also realize you work really hard to make these videos.  Thank you, I have learned so much and look forward to everything you put out.

"The truth is a threat"...... powerful 😮

I called Lifeline yesterday because I was rejected from my family for exposing the truth after 42 years of abuse. I was called “nasty” ?! Thank you for this video ❤❤❤❤

I actually cried watching this.  This is my family.  I am the scapegoat.  I am 50 and just recently realized my mother is a narcissist, my brother is golden child and sister delusional.  This video beautifully and succinctly captures the key components to healing from this pain.  Thank you, Heidi!  Thank you for this beautiful message of turning pain into inspiration.  You are saving lives!  For me, the work has just begun but at least I know where to start now.  🙏❤️‍🩹

The most difficult part of healing for me is to no longer resent my parents and siblings, who are all still in an abusive family system, willingly.

I was an only child, combo golden child and scapegoat at the same time, constantly moving back and forth between being idealized and being shamed for being human. I’ve healed through a lot, but I’m still struggling with thinking that feeling anger means I’m a bad person. I used to straight up not feel my anger and feel shame instead, but about a year ago I did some somatic therapy that let me get in touch with my authentic anger. I’m still struggling a bit too with taking blame all the time. It’s so nice to hear that these reactions to being scapegoated are normal. So good to know that my confusing feelings of believing I had secret “bad intentions,” that I myself was not aware of, are not the truth. Now I know that if I don’t have bad intentions, I don’t have bad intentions. 😅

50% golden child 50% scapegoat, childhood was a fun time

It is so clear that you have done the work of healing each of these areas you speak of today. You have the superpower. It is rare, and that is why we all lean in so hard on the words you say. You are exuding this energy as you actually speak the words. Thank you, Heidi. Your messages deal with really hard issues and topics, but each video holds such beauty. Thank you.

I’m more of the golden child archetype, but during times when I was a scapegoat I noticed my coping mechanism of limerence take over. Where there is A LOT of shame around. Grounding myself out of fantasyland has also triggered the belief that the pain was never real if I just created something better for hope

Thank you for all your videos! I’m struggling to wrap my mind around all of this because it’s intense and I want to show up healthy in relationships but I can’t seem to crack the code yet? I will keep doing my best

I was my peers’ scapegoat. No matter how Kind I was, I was always the one At Fault whenever a conflict came up—and it came up A Lot because my peers learned they could bully me daily and multiple times a day 6/7 days of the week—it was a tiny church school system owned by the same church we all attended.

As a child/teen it was acknowledged that I was smart, musical, artistic, but always passed over and then that Shock when, yeah, I am that good.
As an adult, I’ve only been valued because I sing well. But if my real feelings or hits of trauma reactions slip out, well.

Now…because I can’t stand being on a pedestal for my talents but a very clear rigidity…I’m kinda…embracing my defiance. Since. It’s all just superficial anyway. And that feels Worse than the pain of fighting back—and fighting to protect myself and others. Might as well draw the crossfire intentionally this time since. Well. This time I can leave as an adult. I’m not forced to stay. And as much as I hate isolation, better to be literally alone than feeling alone around the same faces

I was scapegoated as a child and developed a saviour complex as a result.

Thank you so, so much for explaining the way healthy parents talk about their children. Even after years of therapy and talking to friends who get it, my parents telling me and everyone who wanted to know that I was a "difficult child" and "a real bitch as a teen" still makes me wonder if they're right. I would never speak about my own hypothetical child that way, and I thank you for confirming that healthy parents don't do that. It's easier to dismiss my parents' words knowing what you said.

A few years back I went through a toxic relationship, after which I had a spiritual awakening realizing that I'm really traumatized and in bad shape, I immediately started recovering, becoming addicted to self improvement and realizing that my mom is narcissistic I never even noticed, educating myself and relating to the golden child family role, now it's been a few years, I finally left my place of growing up, went no contact with my family, and only now watching your videos and realizing that I was being the scapegoat until 13 years old, when my mom decided that she's treating me really badly and she turned me into The Golden child successfully hiding how badly she treated me when I was younger I had tears watching this video realizing how much I can relate to all of this as a young child,
your video's are incredibly insightful and very much appreciated.

"You might have to look at someone like your therapist or psychologist, and tell them, 'I know you think I'm not in pain, but I am. And I need you to take it seriously.... I learned to hide my emotions from a very young age, and now it's very instinctive for me. So I might not look like I'm in distress, ut I am.' "  If only I had known this phrase when I started therapy a decade ago. So many of my therapists looked at me and thought, she seems like she's doing ok, and failed to do anything helpful, or even added harm with EMDR that my system didn't accept.

Do you think you would be able to make a version of this for the golden child? I was first the golden child but ended up as the scapegoat but because of the  enmeshment in the first part of my life, I think I never was able to build my own self esteem to begin with, even my low self esteem was a copy of my father. I am struggling to even find my identity.

This had me bawling. I think each member of my family was scapegoated at different times but this also reminded me of the impact of being Parentified. Just whew… bawling. Heidi, pls keep doing what you do so well ❤

"at the core of the wounded scapegoat is that belief, I should not exist"... this is something I wasn't aware of for such a long time! Your explanation with the transcendentals is so insightful, thank you Heidi.. Beauty is very important to me as an artist, and now I understand better why. Another one of my guides on the healing journey is Marie-Louise Von Franz, who says something similar: "existential fear is perhaps one of the most basic problems in the case where a child has not received enough maternal love. It is a deep, nervous feeling of insecurity about everything." Then she mentions a patient's dream which gives a solution to this fear: to be more like a cat, the way they enjoy life and give you the honor to serve them! I've just had a cat for a few months, and I find that is so true... my cat is completely shameless, very demanding when he wants something, like jumping right on top of my keyboard and lying all over it so that I stop working and pet him!

Your delivery in this video is making me cry because it's so powerful yet kind. Thanks so much for your work! ❤

Heidi Priebe  is  Ace.  Thank you.  ❤️🙏🙂🤗

about the internalizing...

it took me awhile after first watching this to finally recognize and accept I had internalized a lot of external "truths" growing up.
it took another Heidi vid to say and accept the real truth of "of course you did", and finally give that still-internal kid today grace and acceptance he's been seeking for so long, that those were perfectly understandable responses to do so as a kid or teenager, because we didn't have the perspectives and skills we have today to have seen anything else at the time.