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When Someone Dismisses Your Feelings: Do THIS (Not That)

Julia Kristina Counselling

18,986 views

You ever tried to express a real, honest feeling…
and the other person shuts you down?

“Relax.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“You’re being dramatic.”

If this happens to you — it’s NOT because you’re overreacting.
It’s because they don’t know how to handle the discomfort of your emotion.

In this video, I’ll walk you through:

✔ why emotionally immature people minimize or dismiss your feelings
✔ how to stay grounded instead of getting lost in self-doubt
✔ the exact phrases to use to protect your peace
✔ how to communicate clearly without getting pulled into defensiveness
✔ how to stop the “maybe it is me…” self-gaslighting loop

If your feelings get shut down, ignored, or brushed off — this video is going to help you get centered, confident, and clear.

FREE TOOL: The 3-Step Emotional Reset Plan

Before any tough conversation, you need your nervous system steady.
👉 Download it free here→ https://courses.juliakristina.com/3-s...

⭐️ FOR DEEPER SUPPORT — Speak & Feel Heard Workshop
If you want the full framework for communicating clearly and confidently — even with emotionally immature people — this workshop gives you scripts, strategies, and tools that WORK.
👉https://courses.juliakristina.com/spe...

In your corner, always.
— Julia

📍TIMESTAMPS
0:00 – When they dismiss or belittle your feelings
1:04 – Emotional immaturity: what’s really going on
2:56 – Why they shut your feelings down (nervous system + shame)
7:47 – How to respond: name the dynamic + stay grounded
10:33 – Regulating yourself before you respond (game changer)
12:00 – Impact → Need → Invitation framework (what to actually say)
14:28 – When they still can’t hear you: the hard truth
16:52 – Final reminder: your feelings and needs are valid

👋 SAY HI:
Facebook: Facebook: JuliaCounsellor
Instagram: Instagram: juliacounsellor
Web site: https://juliakristina.com/

emotional dismissal, emotional immaturity, minimizing feelings, invalidation, “you’re too sensitive”, “calm down” response, self-doubt, nervous system activation, communication boundaries, emotional clarity

20 Comments

@juliakristinamah Creator 10 months ago Pinned

If you’ve ever been dismissed or minimized like this, please know: your feelings weren’t the problem — their discomfort or resistance to them was.

Curious — which part of this video hit you the hardest?
The minimizing, the deflection, or the self-doubt it created afterward?

If you want help staying grounded in the moment, you can grab my free 3-Step Emotional Reset Plan here — it’s the tool I personally use before any tough conversation:
👉https://courses.juliakristina.com/3-step-emotional-reset

And if you want to go deeper with practical scripts, communication frameworks, and tools for being heard (even with emotionally immature people), you can check out my Speak & Feel Heard workshop in the description.

@Wren-Blackwell 10 months ago

Difficult conversations will never ruin the right relationship!

@fredhubbard7210 9 months ago

I hate this channel... Every new video brings me to tears. Not because it is new, but because at least one other person in this world understands. I think the biggest thing is that sets Julia apart from the commentators that I am familiar with, is that she compassionate to both sides.

@fionacampbell1674 10 months ago

My ex shut me down all the time and also would cut me off in conversation. Some people just have disrespect for you .

@olivierf.4931 10 months ago

Avoid this type of people at all cost if you aren't already in a relationship with them. Save you time and energy for mentally not ill human beings if you can find any!

@Ratpack3 10 months ago (edited)

I agree in the approach here because even your best approach won’t work with someone who doesn’t want to be understanding and chooses to feel safe over choosing to be accountable. Someone people, like my ex, have developed coping mechanisms that don’t allow them to be open to other people’s needs past a surface level and even though deep down they know it’s not right, they chose to avoid your feelings because it would cause them to face their’s that they try to burry down as much as possible. It’s the whole “holding a mirror” part of a relationship.

It’s hard to start over and it’s hard to be alone, but in the end if you have tried to talk and effectively communicate they still choose to act like this you would be abandoning yourself if you stay with someone like this because they will always need to choose themselves to survive and feel safe.

@Letgooftheillusion 10 months ago

I had an experience recently where I told someone that I didn't know whether they enjoyed our time together and their response was "I can't believe you felt that way". The next response was "Well, we must have had two different experiences ". I tried to explain how I felt and the next response was "Wow. Ok". That was the end of that conversation for me.

@lesliengo8347 10 months ago

Very helpful and much needed. I have someone at home who is insecure and doesn't take difficult conversations well, making me hesitant in speaking up how I feel. I must admit, I also sometimes dismiss how someone feel not because I am a bad person, but because I didn't know how to respond properly and I want to push away shame as quick as possible. I do have your communications masterclass and I love the 3 step guideline. Instead of saying "you are a terrible person for doing this thing," I could say "I feel anxious when you do this. I want both of us to feel comfortable so can we discuss how we can do that?" I don't let someone's emotional immaturity invalidate my feelings, and we need more of this content taught to the masses.

@healerscreek 6 months ago

Won't work on a narcissist! They're always the victim and it's always your fault.

@SakuraPheonix 9 months ago

Sigh, thank you so much.
You explained this so well.
"They're not dismissing you because you made a weak argument...."
That line his me hard.

@InspiredSoul333 10 months ago (edited)

My mom would just ignore me when I came to her about how I felt she would not say anything… I would just go in the room and cry. Im still reminding myself it’s okay to release emotions instead of storing it in my body. It took a lot of therapy and fighting depression to get this… it’s super uncomfortable for my mom to express emotions it’s weird when she disconnects like it’s super weird. But I had to learn how to feel, and reconnect

@mathildejensen3285 16 hours ago

Hi, Im new to this site. The best thing about your videos is that it gives insight, not only about other people's behaviour and responses, but it also allows me to reflect on my own behaviour and responses. And I like that the focus is'nt about making people wrong or to put blaime on someone. So thank's for your input, it makes a difference 😊

@EricNeumann-b9d 10 months ago

the biggest thing ive heard is "stop thinking about things you dont have control over"
that kind of comment bothers me, and really puts me in a state of discomfort... like i wanna refrain from continuing a conversation

@chrisdigitalartist 10 months ago

When You Express a Feeling…and They Shut You Down (Emotional Dismissal 101)

KEY TAKEAWAY: Thankfully, I do not think I have anyone in my life that belittles how I feel nor do I feel like I would do that to others. I have grown a lot in my emotional maturity.

NOTES:

* It is easier for people to (that tend to have emotional immaturity) to shut down your feelings than to express their own.
* Accountability to them can feel like a real threat - it’s danger.
* These people may have been emotionally neglected for their feelings or punished for them.
* It’s doesn’t work when you try to convince them that your feelings and your experience is valid. They are not dismissing you because you made a week argument because they didn’t understand what was going on with you, they’re dismissing you because they can’t tolerate the discomfort that comes with someone else having feelings, thoughts or reaction to their actions or choices.

What you can do:

Step 1: Name the dynamic - clear, calm and neutral.

Step 2: Bring it back to the original issue.

Step 3: Do your best to remove the shame target.

Step 4: Regulate yourself before you say or do anything.

Step 5: Just get better at communicating.

THE
IMPACT NEED  INVITATION FRAMEWORK

IMPACT -

I felt…

-scared
-unimportant
-belittled
-unheard

NEED -

I need…

-to have this conversation…
-for you to slow down…
-you to acknowledge this is important…
-us to work together…

INVITATION:

Asking them if they are willing to do this with you.

HARD TRUTH: If someone repeatedly dismisses your feeling, avoids accountability or shuts down every attempt at connection, at authenticity, at getting to understanding and better in the relationship, this is not a conversation problem, this is a deeper patterned dynamic problem.

@watamatafoyu 1 month ago

It's one thing to have your feelings dismissed, it's another to have them used later as a default negative character judgment about who you are.

@sanditeale3632 10 months ago

I’ve had this from the medical profession and my parents after inappropriately putting me on sedatives. I’m only just realising it wasn’t my fault at 60 . Thanks for this 🙏

@GoogleUser-pc6tu 10 months ago (edited)

I just ended up looking at her like a broken ,clueless adolescent. After that it was an immediate non attraction. I wasn’t mad at her , actually felt pity for her . It’s really a sad state

@SadiieBaby88 4 months ago

My fiancé will call me childish and say im dramatic if i ask anything he doesn’t like. He was never like this before. It’s like he wants me home raising kids playing house… and allowing him on secretly do what he pleases and don’t question anything…. I realize now i attract these kind of broken men and its a repeat thing over and over never had a relationship with real love that hurts to even say and admit to myself smdh.

@SadiieBaby88 4 months ago

Going through this now. Found a condom in my fiancés wallet last night. After going through an amputation losing two foot bones and a toe not being able to walk for almost 5 months. Raising 4 girls together. Lost a baby last year and it hurt me to the bone… go to put his debit card up for him and find a condom.. we in 4 years have NEVER used them. When confronted he didn’t say ONE word. And the silence hurt more than any lie he could’ve ever told. 😔 theres so many layers to this but he’s piece by piece made me feel so insecure subtly but by bit and had the audacity this morning to try to kiss me bye for work after 12+ hrs of silence between us including Sleeping in the bed side by side. Acting as if last night never happened.

@johnwoods207 10 months ago

Yes, difficult realizations in these last two videos as I am the one who does these things. Yes I'm committed to learning and growing to be emotionally more mature. Julia thank you for these insights.