VIDEO NOTES:

1. Simplify and cast away
 - Clear space
 - You can't do everything st once, break it down so that it is less intimidating.
 - simplify means reducing your life and the activities you do to the most simplistic.
 - cast away means getting rid of things the are currently filling up your space that are detracting from thinking about this problem and thinking about it (plan, write down, journal)
 
To create this space:
 - low friction: easy thing to do throughout the day, that offers you an opportunity to think about a problem. (Going on a walk, just some space to stop and think, meditate, going to gym, hobby like drawing, playing instrument)
 - high friction: requires a lot of mental energy (journeling)


2. Use the space

If the vessel is not clean, everything you put in will be sour.

When everything is overwhelming, it is very tempting to take the least care of yourself (which makes life harder)
 - how long do I have to make this decision?
 - if long enough, forget about complexity, just focus on cultivating the best health you can, you will be equipped to make better decisions

What would be the ultimate act of self love right now?

Practises of certainty:
Things you can rely on every day. No matter what.
Eg: (1x workout, 1x nutritious meal, 10pm go to bed)
When you make decisions from a clean vessel. They will be more trustworthy and you are more liikely to make better decisions.

Best/worst decisions (high friction activity):

3 best decisions.
3 worst decisions.

Questions:
Whose voice was I listening to?

Best:
Worst:

What emotions did I feel before + after making the decision?

Best:
Worst:

Where was I? What state of mind was I in?

Best:
Worst:

Board of advisors (low friction activity):

Think of role models, or people you admire.
Have them as your board of advisors.
What they would do in that situation?
How they would challenge it, how they would think about seeing this idea.

Speaking to yourself in 3rd person:
(From book Chatter by Ethan Kross)
In order to get distance from a situation, to gain perspective, you will see things more objectively and less intertwined in your emotions.
Eg, "Your name" thinks...

How to socialise when you are going through it:

"The best way to make the worst decision is to ask everyone's opinion"

People will mind their own business when the business is worth minding. Most people's business is not worth minding. Meaning that life is not exciting enough for them to not mind what you're doing.
 - They're trying to avoid silence in a conversation.
 - They wanna focus on your stuff cause it's more exciting than theirs.
 - Snowballing: They take what you have said as fact and run with it.

Make a boundary, say that you won't speak about it. It may feel like lying if you speak about a decision you haven't thought through yet.

You need to talk to the RIGHT people.
 - They will empathize with you
 - They will ask you questions, give you a perspective shift on the situation. (A calibrated question, what/how question aimed in a particular direction)

Thinking:

Your ally AFTER you clear the space
 - journaling
 - talking to yourself out loud.
 - or any high/low friction practises

Bad type of thinking: Chatter
Thinking is like a lens, you look for with a button on it that either zooms you out or into a problem.
When it is unhelpful: Constantly thinking of a problem, stuck in empathic rumination, seeing things super zoomed in, not seeing the overarching perspective

Good type of thinking:
Productive + perspective gathering line, asking yourself calibrated questions by talking to yourself in 3rd person
Like fishing for the answers

Space eaters:

We create more complexity in life by allowing space eaters in. The habits that add more psychological complexity + make it harder to deal with the situation that you're facing. When you're not cultivating good health you allow space eaters in.
Space eaters: Using up the space you have to be aware enough to notice when your answers are biting on the hook of your thinking (noticing realisations/revelations)
Examples: Doomscrolling, junk food, drug addictions, media (eg, TV shows, porn) addictions, getting stuck in rumination, gossiping, any compulsive maladaptive behaviour

Difference between thinking and thoughts:

Thoughts come and go. You have no control over whether they arise. You have control over the presence and space you cultivate in order for them to arise. Not necessarily negative or positive.
Negative thought patterns arise when you jump on the thought, and think about it more, building the momentum in a negative direction.

Summary: intuitions that arise in the space you have created for them to arise in.
When you don't create space, you are delaying the process in which you can find a solution.

How to tell if you're overthinking:

Your emotions will let you know. You will start to feel frustrated. You feel like you are regressing and not making any progress. Angsty. Like you need to do something, but you're not sure what and you've got excess energy. This can start to manifest as anxiety.

Once you get to this point, you need to pick a path. Pull the trigger so to speak. If you don't act on the energy, the space eaters may start to come in and ruin your positive energy. This may turn into negative energy, you become self judgemental and your confidence will start to go.

How to best make that decision:

Before you make any decision EVER(!!) in your life.
How much time do you have? If you don't have a deadline then you might want to set one.

DESTROY THE EXPECTATIONS!!! (but he said this in a very mellow defeated tone)
Like fine pottery: the tighter you grip, the more likely they are to shatter. The bane of good decision making.
Because it convinces you that you need to make the best decision. It does not exist. Settle on making the least worst decision or a good decision.

Taken from the book Chimp paradox:
Get a list, draw a table.
On one side, write down all of you gremlin thoughts. "I should" thoughts. Eg, "I should know what to do by now" Unhealthy expectation thoughts.
On the other, change it to the autopilot thoughts. Eg, "I'm gonna mess up but I will learn from my mistakes"
More realistic but take a while to program in manually.
Read that page everyday in the morning to reprogram your gremlin thoughts.

"If I had all the confidence in the world, would I do it?"
Take something that sparks fear within you and ask this question.
At the heart of decision making paralysis is self doubt.
This may make you realize that the reason you are not making this decision is because of a short term problem (believing you aren't confident enough) that can be easily solved.
As soon as you make the decision, you will get the confidence you needed.

25% Rule:
Break it down so that it is less intimidating.
Take the thing that is overwhelming you. Half it, then half it again. Until it is manageable. This may even be 5 percent of the initial problem. This is the next step you need to take.
Focus on finding the "what" of the decision. So the decision in itself. Forget about the how.
 - Takes a lot of humility. Quench your ego. It's gonna throw those expectations onto you. Swallow your pride and realise what you can do right now.

I'm happy :)

There is no solution. There are only tradeoffs.
Does this add problems I want to deal with that come with making that decision?
If you're not willing to make an exchange for the problems that will be introduced into your life because of the decision, then don't make the decision.

"Does this decision enlarge or diminish me?"
Enlarge: Expanding you into more progress, putting you on a positive trajectory.
Diminish: Negative trajectory.

If you are unsure what to do in life:

Pick 1 thing you're insecure about, and work on it.
A life well lived can be you just engaging in this process.
Maybe some of your fears. Just focus on overcoming your fear instead of big life decisions.
If you take a life path temporarily that you aren't striving for, you will still learn a lot on the journey. This might reorient you to the original path or highlight others that may be better.

WORD TO INGRAIN YOUR MIND:

Initiative

When you reach the point where you've spent enough time thinking about something, then take initiative.

If you have a few options in front of you, pick the one that is hardest in the short term. That will result in the biggest long term benefits.

If you seriously expect me to watch you ramble for 1h 23m you're absolutely correct sir.

He taps the whiteboard with CONVICTION. 😤💯

You're the only mental health/ self-improvement channel I watch. I love your gentle approach. High-quality without all the dramatic editing, sad music- you get the point. Thank you. 🫶

I'm just one comment in a sea you might not read but I hope that if you ever personally feel down or depressed, you find this and hear me say you are a good person who made a massive difference in my life. We'll never meet but I am grateful you exist, buddy.

I've watched a huge amount of your videos multiple times, and I can say for sure that I prefer the unscripted ramble as opposed to a well organized yet dry script read. Your introspections are genuine and authentic, and you have an energy that feel much more like a conversation than a lecture. Thank you for everything you do.

I've never watched a video this long. It didn't feel like an hour; every single word was worth it. You are not rambling; everything was useful. Thank you

How does this guy always know what advice we need 😂

I'm currently in THE TRENCHES of trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life. Lovely to know I'm not there alone!

I would 100% date this guy - the conversations would never get boring

Please consider doing this type of videos more! It shows better that you are a human as well and the advice feels more doable and realistic. It emphasizes that we are all endlessly working on ourselves and there's nobody who's got it all already figured out.

the third person trick is actually brilliant. Now all of a sudden all the paradoxical self sabotage behavior is gone and I’m capable of empathizing for myself and asking “what is best for Gabriel” and I’m my own best friend.

Table of Councelors has me heartbroken, Lewis…

I would never expect this single YouTube comment to change your mind, but I wish I could talk to you and understand why.

I can somewhat understand from a psychology perspective but there are some seriously dangerous beliefs that they perpetuate.

I love the raw energy of "I'm excited about this so I'm bringing it to you while exploring it myself" in this video. Truly authentic "content," which makes it truly unique.

A little bit surprised who you'd put on your advice board 😮

Your board of advisors seems so directly perpendicular to your videos and approaches it's thrown me for a loop.

Definitively unexpected for me!

not the “😭” 💀💀💀. Love you man! Thanks for the insights.

lol ive been a big fan for awhile. funny to think you look up to quacks like JBP and Gabbard. to each their own i guess. you deserve better role models though hahaha, youre miles better than those gurus

I am new to this man’s channel, but I’m gonna keep watching his videos, 90% because the info is great and 10% because I could listen to his voice all day long. It’s so delightful! 😌

Its like ASMR mixed with practical advice. I love this guy 😂