"I can levitate birds, but nobody cares"  is one my favorite jokes of his.

This man restores my will to live.

Sponges grow in the ocean...
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen?

"Sponges grow in the ocean..."
That kills me. Steven Wright is a genius.

“ How fast is the speed of dark “ lol.

"I woke up out of a dream,  went right into a daydream,  I've been there ever since. "

“I’ll be gone the whole time”
LOL. I’m using that on my wife

I put 911 in case of emergency. Nurse was not amused.

I put spot remover on my dog...now he's gone.

A unique perspective on the English language.  Steven Wright may be a common name but there really is only one Steven Wright.

"I once put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time."

Tell me about some people who were here last year....        omg this guy is great

one of the funniest comics ever. I still quote his stuff to this day. Great.

He's so clever. How does he even come up with this stuff? It's true art. Bravo.

His thought process is other worldly.

Amazing talent

What's even more impressive than his ability to write these jokes is his ability to tell them all for an hour without having to pause to recall any of them.

Everything he says is gold lol

Decaf coffee table killed me

Steven Wright's face would be on the Mount Rushmore of comedians.