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I’m 33 in Shanghai. Here’s Why I’m Not Getting Married.

Chunchun’s Life in China

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#china #shanghai #marriage #chinesewoman #LifeInChina

Why are millions of Chinese women saying "no thanks" to marriage — even with 30 million more men than women?

I'm Chunchun, 33, living in Shanghai with my boyfriend Ski. By every traditional standard, I should be married by now. So I went to Shanghai's famous marriage market in People's Park — where parents trade their children's resumes like stock listings — to figure out why women like me are walking away.

In this video, I share what it feels like to stand in that park and realize we've all been reduced to Excel sheets. I also tell the story of a woman I met whose marriage collapsed over something as small as dirty dishes — and why that story explains everything about why so many Chinese women are terrified of marriage.

⏱️ Timestamps:

00:00 Why Marriage Is Changing in China
00:53 My Matchmaking Experience at 31
01:52 Inside Shanghai’s Marriage Market
03:52 The Rules of China’s Marriage Market
04:57China’s “Leftover Women” Label
05:59 Why Marriage Doesn’t Always Feel Safer for Women
09:02 Why My Boyfriend and I Haven’t Married
11:04 The Life We Chose Instead

This video is not about rejecting marriage or giving up on love. It’s about what happens when the old expectations around marriage no longer fit the lives many people are living today.

This is my most personal video yet. If it resonates, please subscribe — I make documentaries about life in China you won't find anywhere else.

#leftoverwomen #chineseculture #datinginchina #shengnu #marriagemarket

🔔 Subscribe:@chunchunslifeinchina

📌 Next video: How much does a couple really need to live a decent life in Shanghai?💰

20 Comments

@ChunchunsLifeinChina Creator 2 months ago (edited) Pinned

Wondering why I have 140K subscribers with only 7 videos? 😄For the full story and detailed channel data, please check out my latest two Community posts. 👉http://youtube.com/post/UgkxjLHNrAx72RHnNvLhhbSaaoed61P12ygt?si=nk1kKq7SaNtrpmvr ❤ P.S. I’m really curious about this: Is marriage still seen as a necessary step in life where you live? And what kind of pressure do people face—from family, money, age, religion, or something else? 🔔 If this resonated, subscribe for more documentaries about real life in China → new video every week.

@anilsinghkec 2 months ago

Good to see a video without face filter from China

@sbayles5593 2 months ago

So clear why you feel the way you do. This was very informative.

@psgcdpd 1 month ago

I married my wife in Shanghai when she was 36 and me 39. We had a cheap wedding, no bride price, nothing crazy. I told her we would probably never be rich and she said she just wanted a kind husband.
We now have a beautiful son (and hopefully a second kid soon).
Happiness is not something you find, it's something you build with what you have.

@esriarc7289 2 months ago

the story is about level headed thinking -thank you

@johnwakamatsu3391 2 months ago

I have many friends who never married. I believe that living alone is great until you become old. I am married and have two sons and it is never easy to raise a family. I used to go to family events, but after my parents passed away there were fewer family events. I also used to have hobbies with friends, but most have passed away. I realize that relationships are important and living alone is not good and social media does not replace human interaction.

@wujibifan5938 2 months ago

She hits the point when she mentions the contradictory expectations towards younger people in China. In the first three decades of their life, they are expected to almost exclusively concentrate to learning, studying, finding a good job, building up a career, making money. "Romantic relationships" only seem to be disturbing in this process. It looks like many Chinese are still "virgins" at the age of 30 and beyond. And all of the sudden, the same parents who expected them to exclusively concentrate on starting careers are now insisting that they jump into a marriage and become fathers and mothers, husbands and wifes. It's just a clash between traditional and modern role models and its deeply imbued with materialism.

@jennifercoleman2736 2 months ago

Thank you, for explaining your thoughts and feelings about marriage and having children. A deeply personal subject. There are a lot of videos and romantic dramas out here about marriage. It's complicated and expensive everywhere. 🌎 Especially today. I hope you and your boyfriend continue to have a peaceful relationship. At the end of the day, we want someone who brings peace into our life. Otherwise what is the use? Life goes by quickly.⏳ Trust me. Best wishes and always protect your peace. 🙏🏼 🕊️ 🇨🇳 🇺🇸

@whitehorse1959 1 day ago

❤❤❤❤ I’m very impressed with the quality of content in this video upload. Bravo! Subscribed.

@gregorysmith3341 2 months ago

This is all so sad. I feel so lucky to have married for love when I was young and to live happily with the same woman for 52 years until she died. No spreadsheets, no "job" interviews. My heart goes out to the lonely people of China.

@calumcunningham7461 2 months ago

Thanks for your explanation. It was compelling to listen to and very insightful. There is a lot of concern in many countries about falling birth rates. I think it is a very deep problem and not just in China. Recently, I heard of a study which correlated the emergence of smart phones and the consequential drop in socialization, (even in non developed countries), as being a factor as well as the affordability of housing which seems to be a worldwide problem.

@MironButoi 2 months ago (edited)

You are a realist! You are doing just fine. Intelligent choices are the best choices!!! 👍

@chuangliignatiuslim9751 1 month ago

I admire Chunchun's honesty and confidence! I am rooting for you. Chunchun you are awesome and deserve much more. I wish you well.

@jlewsf 2 months ago

good vlog. times are changing both economically and culturally. it will be interesting to see what direction the people in china take in the coming decade.

@angilaPiripiri 1 month ago

Hi! Thank you so much for this super clear and interesting video! 🥰 I’m watching from Europe 🍕 and I really love this kind of content. I’m also on Xiaohongshu because I'm super interested in Chinese culture and food (I totally fell in love with Shanghai after a short trip there!).

I’m happy to hear that you have a supportive boyfriend, and your cat is absolutely gorgeous! Honestly, marriage isn't the ultimate solution, and having kids in this day and age feels so risky.. we already have so many challenges, so why complicate our lives even more or feel guilty? Let’s just enjoy our peace and the little things we have 💖

@sharpp11 2 months ago (edited)

I think you’re smart! It’s the same here in the US. Many young people can’t afford a home and jobs are becoming harder to find. Many are choosing to not marry and forget having kids!!! They are happy just living like you.

@user-aishwarya 1 month ago

Thanks for making a very raw video which shows reality of what younger generations are facing👍

@josefmolina3510 2 months ago

Hahaha...that was my thinking when I came to Shanghai years ago. Greetings to my neighbor, great video ;)

@dianna_pie 1 month ago

Thanks for sharing this Chunchun! I love Shanghai. This month will be my 3rd time there (as a tourist). And watching you share a POV about life and about being an unmarried Chinese woman in Shanghai gave me a realistic perspective. Thank you. Hugs to Duoduo!☺️😄🐈

@hann7406 2 months ago (edited)

Women have to be financial independent, I've seen so many cases in real life, women quit their job for their families, later they'll realize they didn't just give up their income, they also surrendered their freedom at the same time.
Matchmaking maybe kinda soulless, but at least you have some info about your potential partner, of course it never guarantees anything, but, isn't dating a random person the same?
to clarify, I think matchmaking and "tradition" date are both fine, as long as one can find someone to be with comfortably, be themselves and don't have to pretend who they aren't all the time.