If your world feels shattered right now, please know you aren't alone. Jason and Dara's journey shows that healing is possible. What is one small step you’re taking for your own heart today?

It's much easier for the cheater to heal way more faster than the betrayed partner because he controls how the healing process goes. I want to hear his wife side of the story

I have told the affair partner, "just remember when you become a wife, your husband will do the same thing to, that my husband did to me, with a woman just like you." Then id have left him there with her, hes her problem now.

there is such selfish aspect to cheating i will never understand ..... no matter how i spin it..... it will NEVER make sense ....   the mental gymnastic required to get to the point where u do this .... and disregard the impact is just...... and then the lies..... and the lies...... despite all the efforts put in   rebuilding FULL  trust is  just impossible

That was a hard listen. Glad he shared. Thank you for sharing. One of the most difficult things for me is that I never meet a betrayed spouse who enthusiastically believes the recovery from the affair was the best thing that ever happened in their marriage and life. It is usually the betraying spouse who believes everything is better because of the affair recovery. The betraying spouse seems to constantly be in some state of delusion. "The affair made sense at the time", "I didn't think it would hurt my spouse", "our marriage made me do it", or "our marriage is the best it has ever been since the affair". Seems the betrayed spouse is forced into the servitude of bearing the reality their wayward partner is unable to bear or comprehend.

Wow. He got off easy. I hope she doesn't continue to throw the years of her life away on him.

It's often about ego & needing validation because they didn't get it or enough of it in childhood from their mothers so they go looking for it elsewhere & become people pleasers in order to get it.. They only stop when found out - if the wife doesn't find out about the affair then it carries on until it's discovered - & they are only remorseful once they are discovered (not always of course, but mostly) because then they realise exactly what's at stake & that they stand to lose everything - before that they are enjoying having their cake & eating it. Then come the lies & the hang dog sob stories - they turn it around & make themselves the victim in it all.  Then, after that, comes the months of trickle truth & the "it's so long ago i don't remeber". Then comes the "we've talked about this already & i've said i'm sorry, what more do you want?" And finally comes the "Gee, don't you ever forget? I just want to forget - i'm so glad i'm a different person now" & the exprctation that you will just automatically start trusting them again. They have no idea of the pain & trauma they cause. I get the feeling this guy felt he'd not had the opportunity to date other women when he was young because he'd already made his choice & commitment at such a young age (or maybe that was part of his 'secrets' he said he kept). They always think the grass is greener - until they move in with the AP & the reality of the responsibilities of life kicks in, as it surely always does - & then off they go again looking for another AP.  The fact that the wife in this podcast was relegated to a dark corner of the room where she's not seen on camera says a lot. The fact that this guy was willing to give up part of his body (kidney) to a near stranger also says a lot, too. I wouldn't have walked - i'd have run.

You could have TALKED TO HER and TOLD HER USING WORDS how helpless you felt.

Couple of questions that came up while listening - how did he help his wife heal?  How did the betrayed live with the guilt and future himself?   The betrayed also mentioned that he has a good marriage now but he put his wife through hello.  Why did she choose to stay and not give up on him?   Does she also see that they have a good marriage.  How did he overcome his behavior patterns?  Did he have to learn to be accountable?   What was the hardest thing he needed to do to  show his wife that he'll be safe?   How did he breakfree from the limerance with the Affair Partner?

Thank you Jason for sharing your story. Thankful for your support at our EMS weekend.

As a wife who has been betrayed (at a terribly vulnerable time), this is a HARD listen. It doesn’t seem like he “gets” it at all. My skin is crawling. Dara is a saint, as far as I’m concerned. 😢💔

Oh wow, my husband is a UPS driver & I discovered the first affair the same way...phone records. He had a 3 yr affair with a female supervisor.  First red flag was how excited he was talking about her when she had a ride along with him one day. Then, when I met her, the mannerisms gave it away. Moving forward 17 yrs later, he befriended  his co-worker's wife, & had a 6 yr affair with her. Both times, he got caught, & continued the affairs.  I'm beyond broken.

I think he will cheat again. If he was sorry, the 2nd affair would have never happened. He says he could not figure out why it happened. However, he knows right from wrong, so own it.

I wonder if his wife would speak. I need be convinced she feels safe now. I must admit, he seems so selfish that he couldn't be trusted fully.  He seemed more concerned with" his own life" and not the people who depended on him.
 Maybe with my own experiences I am jaded,  but maybe I am just realistic.
  I'd rather hear her side honestly. She could fill in the gaps, and that would clear up the ambiguity that I sense.
Thanks for reading this.

Really icky how the victim seems to be just a side character to him. “I wrecked my life” and “I was the one who wanted to give up on the marriage” over and over again. Can someone please tell his wife the REST of us feel for her suffering? His regret is so self-centered.

Nah bro, I would have left you and took everything from you

Congratulations on eventually choosing to understand yourself and work towards real intimacy. Mine has chosen to pretend it never happened and go back to the usual which I had stated a year earlier I wasn’t happy with although I may not have completely understood why then but I trusted my instincts and finally and saw 6 days worth of texts. As soon as I realized there’d be work and introspection plus accountability and truth i knew in my heart he wouldn’t choose that cause he couldn’t pass it off onto me and sadly I was right. Still minimizing and the convenient I don’t remember’s and I’m looking for a different housing to find peace and to heal. Such a shame I didn’t do anything outside the relationship of 20 years yet I’m the one having to uproot my life because of his denial and protecting his ego instead of choosing something better and me wiling to stay for both our growth. I won’t go through a repeat cause this is already #2 of  a side ‘friendships’ and of course the blame for both was tried to be put onto me. At least I have clarity now but it’s a tough way to get it.

Thank you for sharing and for being so transparent. I'm so happy that you could get the healing that you got for your marriage..... Would be interesting to know what you found out about yourself when you were questioning yourself.... Many times it's from things that happened in the childhood years.....

I’m a betrayed male, many time over by my wife. And her relapse after remarriage makes the dark hole of pain even deeper. 30 years I still struggle with it, but we also get along amazingly well most of the time.  I have a hard time believing that the darkness will never not be there, I have ended up accepting that it is part of my life journey. But I do work at managing it and rising out of the darkness and into the light of a life with her where the darkness no longer rules us.  My whole identity was wrapped up in this for a long time, so now together, we are learning to rebuild my/our identity to something beyond the suffering and pain that I endured, and that she also endured along with me.  It has been a most difficult journey, sometimes the darkness overwhelms me.  We are still learning and growing and overcoming this one step at a time.  I will say this, betrayal is a horrible thing, and unless you’ve actually been through it, I don’t really think you can understand the depth and gravity of it.

Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.never yrust a cheat