My husband is from Arizona in the US. I am from London in the UK. We got talking online during Covid and really hit it off. He wanted to come and see me as I had no desire to go to the states. Before he came, I hired a PI and they did a background check for me. I am so glad I did that, it confirmed everything that he told me was true. We’ve been together ever since. There is no way in this time in place, that if I was dating again, I wouldn’t do a background check. The world is more desperate, having people in common is no longer the norm. And frankly, I’ve had too many experiences where the person was dating was lying through his teeth.

1:44 honey, I do a background check on everyone in my life. Only criminals get offended, especially sex offenders

2:48 to be fair, if you can’t pass a check for a concealed weapon, you have some serious red flags. Think about the men with restraining orders, DV convictions, etc. Those are the assholes getting offended by getting a background check.  A friend of mine started dating a guy and I checked my state’s court system for him. He had FIVE restraining orders, two for life, and one of those was a local news person. People be crazy and I don’t care what you need to do to protect yourself. I don’t leave my house without being fully protected

Nowadays if a woman wants to be safe or for that matter a man if she's a stalker, I run a background check if the relationship progresses and before I would ever let them come to my place or even pick me up in a car or go somewhere alone. Sorry not sorry have to be safe and the things I've found in background checks that have stopped me cold. Yes better to be safe than sorry

20:13  "I'm not a big smoker," ....but I can't go one family cookout without smoking....
45:14 The drive would probably take around 6 hrs and 45 minutes from NYC to Virginia. It's a little over 400 miles (about 643 km if the conversion is correct).

What exactly is such a turn off about a background check? If you're early in a relationship, what else is a person expected to rely on for their safety? Would you rather know she's packing?
Personally, I'd recommend both.

When I was dating, if I was going to go to a second location with a guy for the first time, his place or mine kinda thing, I would ask for his ID and tell him I planned to send a picture of it to a friend, along with the address, and that I'd need to check in with her at certain times or else she'd call for a welfare check. I wanted him to know that other people are aware we're together, it's meant to be a deterrent for nefarious activity.

Some dudes were extremely put off, I had a couple downright refuse, telling me it was a "turnoff," while others thought it made perfect sense. Guess which ones got laid?

If I suddenly stated dating in 2026, I’d absolutely do background checks. The first OP learning and admitting he overreacted is pretty lovely.

I'm a smoker, but when Im around my new niece I put myself through an entire decontamination process first to make sure there isn't even the faintest ghost of nicotine anywhere on me. I have clothes to wear over kept in plastic bags in my closet to keep them smoke-free.

She's got brand new lungs, I can wait a bit to continue ruining mine because smoking is my dumbass choice, not hers.

Drive from ny to va should range 4-6 hours, maybe 7 tops

Beginning to understand why op continues to call her "the woman I dated" ... What a shitshow

26:03 shidddddd I would’ve let them go ahead without me😂

Yeah I agree smoking a cigar when you've been asked to not to smoke is really rude and disrespectful and the fact that you wouldn't do it just that one time when the kid is there show them that you're an asshole seriously why would you do that no one of your parents are angry with you they wanted your sister to come but like now she's gone and your parents clearly wanted to see her

For Americans in the comments, I believe Claire's Law is the same thing as Megan's Law in the US. I 100% agree with this woman because the rise incel culture and violence towards us has made me steer clear of dating altogether. Stay safe, everyone.

The cigar guy I get a sense he's not an addict, just a guy for whom smoking cigars is his personality. Stepping away for a bit won't do because he smokes socially, he has to be smoking, around others.

So obviously Not The Assnah just kidding.

At the the very least, to give OP a little bit of credit, it sound like he didn't cheat on Amber with Kaitlin. So many "Going back to my EX" stories, the one who does it just cheats on their current partner. I'm not saying that trying to go back to Amber was cool but at the very least, OP didn't do to Amber what Kaitlin did to him.

I run a coven and in my tradition, we do things like practicing in the nude. We hold people in a training group for about a year before initiating so we can get to know them, but before allowing them into that, I run a background check. I’m so thankful that I created that policy because while most seekers don’t have much in their history, I was able to weed out a sex offender. It may seem paranoid, but if you allow someone into your sacred/intimate space, it’s important to know about their past because almost all wolves hide in sheep’s clothing.

28:13 that’s way out of the way it sound like..

The problem for the cigar aficionado is that someone is asking him to change indirectly based on other choices she made for herself… adding a child that would create even more change. It’s like Sheldon sitting in His Spot. OP has a demand avoidance problem.
I think if she’d asked him directly and gained his cooperation, she wouldn’t have the problem.

Lol posted 14 seconds ago

I lived in Virginia. NYC is like 6 hours away from the border of Virginia...21 hours is insane. That would be like driving halfway across the country to Iowa or Missouri. I would know, because I made that drive several times. 21 hours from NYC to Virginia is insane.