I should listen to this every single day until I’m fully awake. Like really awake from my fantasies.

Listen to your body, it tells you all you need to know about how secure you feel with the person.

People can only go as deep with you as they have gone with themselves. That's why a lesson I had to learn was to love and accept them for who they are in the present and move accordingly...even if it hurts. However, this is hard to do when you've been raised to believe that your value is based off of how useful you are to people.

When u choose someone who is emotionally unavailable i think it’s because you are too. You try to fix theirs instead of focusing on yours

I wasted so much time with a man who didn't put any effort into us. 😢

Years ago, I was attracted to someone.  In the coming months, I analyzed the slightest emotions and gestures he shared, and kept ignoring the fact that even though he was kind to me and liked certain aspects of my creative life that he could be a part of, he never expressed any kind of personal interest in me.  Underneath, I think I could sense the truth, but there was this desperate sense I needed to be with the person.  So I ignored it.  It took quite a while to truly get beyond it.  Microanalysing when we like someone isn't going to make them like us back.  Being honest about liking them may or may not get you anywhere, but it can spare you real long-term pain.

Last night I had the conversation with someone that has been in my life for a long time that doesn’t feel the same way. I woke up feeling regret that I said anything & then opened up YouTube to this video. I feel validated. Thank you.

This refers to any kind of relationship, dear people. Friendships, romantic interests, family members… 😢

Yesssss! Exactly this. Waste of time analyzing people is a waste of time. Either you show up or you don't.

“Someone we barely know “. Thanks for that reminder

Lielike trying to fix a car with missing parts.  Forget about it. Forget about a person with  missing capacity to reciprocate love.

when you’re in it, it’s so confusing but once you finally get out, you realize just how engulfed in flames the house was.
It’s hard to trace back the origin of the flames when you’re with someone that is gaslighting you into thinking you’re the one that started the fire.
Naw honey, you invited me into a burning building, sat me down and convinced me it was fine and made me feel crazy.

Only when you’re standing across the street and can safely turn around and look back to see the house on fire, do you TRULY acknowledge you were in an emotionally and psychologically unstable situation.

now you can breathe and think clearly . 😮‍💨

This video really hit home, because I'm guilty of over-analyzing the emotionally unavailable. This video is right on target.

The advice in this video is spot on. I finally had the courage to have the difficult conversation with my last partner. I think it was the first time I really stuck up for myself and decided to end the relationship. I haven’t reached out to him for 8 weeks and don’t plan to. Proud of myself!

Only focus on behavior. Never drive yourself crazy trying to figure out motive. "Do they not know what they are doing and are just unconscious? Do they know what they are doing and just evil and twisted?" Answer: It doesn't matter. Value yourself and stop valuing them above you. Behavior is all that matters.

Decoding the wrong person for years actually helped me.  What didn't help me was my struggle accepting who the person is based on their choices and my decoding.  Many good things in the shell of the relationship, the ease of being with each other and my feelings for the person don't cancel out deal-breakers.  

All the love in the world doesn't inspire this person to be better and choose better. Ultimately, we were not compatible in ethics, values, morals, principles, integrity--where it really matters most.  

Because of that, this person didn't truly chose me even though we were together all the time.  My hope and belief in this person made them hard to quit.

Do I want no shared reality and no one, or do I want some huge things I have always wanted, with some betrayal mixed in?  I chose not to be betrayed and ethically rejected all the time and to do without a partner.

Thank you for being the only relationship coach who doesn't enable and encourage painful runner/chaser cycles. Way too many public coaches make the majority of their money off of encouraging "anxiously attached" to continue torturing themselves.

I hope a lot of people who are stuck in that kind of relationship will listen to you. It is totally true what you say. I lost many years and suffered a lot before realising what you are telling us. Really if people in need listen to this video please listen to the given advice. And don't be scared to be alone because you are not,  I can assure you,  you are your best crush!

I really needed to hear this. My older boyfriend is a sweetheart, but he is broke, has no car right now, has special needs adult children and is just kind of a mess. He keeps saying he is “working on” getting his life under control and having better boundaries with his adult kids so that we can spend more time together. But the reality is after a year and half I’m starting to see that’s just not going to happen

I love that you’re emphasizing the importance of “having the conversation” rather than silently trying to decode their behaviour!  Being an advocate for yourself by stating what you see & talking about it respectfully, with curiosity and out of respect for yourself (&them). So good! Cuz if they can’t meet you in those conversations then it’s best to save yourself early. 😊❤ (I hope to have such an honest dynamic w someone some day).