Claire: I'm 39 years old
The Bachelorette: Watch this 99 year old woman find love before she disintegrates from old age.

The jump cuts during Claire’s interviews may be because she forgot her lines due to being old and senile. Jarvis I am disappointed that you would mock the elderly like this, shame on you.

My theory is Dale is so charismatic they had to edit the show to try and make him look bad because everyone from editors to cameramen to the host all fell deeply in love with him via his sheer charisma and they were actually trying to keep us all from falling for Dale and the entirety of western society collapsing over the inevitable Dale conflicts.

"I feel sorry for Taesha because she's inherited this pile of broken men and has to pick up the pieces" is a gem

I just got tested for covid last week, and I can confirm: when they told me I was negative the birds started singing, the squirrels started dancing, everyone in the street high-fived me and 15 guys offered to date me all at once.

That's just the standard procedure.

I would pay good money to see an actual 90 year old grandma as the bachelorette

“Oldest bachelorette and only shoot for two weeks”

At face value it sounds like she just died while shooting.

She should really be quarantining, her old age puts her at really high risk.

Claire's dramatic monologue has more cuts in it then a youtube apology god damn

claire: is 39 years old
show: watch this woman who we borrowed from a nursing home talk about Dale the whole time

You know someone’s had a bad love life when there list of things their looking for in a person is:
1. Show up
2. Be on time
3.

“Normally in the show when they cut to someone we’re like who’s that?”
Cuts to Danny Gonzales

The person who choose Claire has dyslexia and told everybody the next bachelorette was 93 and when they found out she was only 39 they didn't have time to rewrite the promos so they just went with it

Claire is the boy who lived. She lived very long verrrrry long like unimaginably long she’s 39 YEARS OLD she’s practically dead

"Congratulations, you've just blown up 'The Bachelorette.'"
Hard cut to the smoldering remains of the resort, Dale is dead, the Harvard guy is dead, half of Chris Harrison's robot face is melted off his robot head. Claire has blown up The Bachelorette.

Clare: I’m 39

Everyone else: yeah, 39 seconds from death

the bachelorette is like that friend who is convinced they’re the main character but really the whole group doesn’t like them.

Now THIS is a guy who loves to hate to secretly love this show.

Dale deadass looks like the guy who says:
“i aint never seen two pretty best friends”

"theres a claire front runner

and the other guys have to dale with it"

-the actual bachelorette commercial