"You can't just base who's right or wrong on advice that you found on the internet. You have to talk to each other and resolve the conflict together." PERIODDDD

They will be like: I rather be alone than surrounded by traitors and liars. Are those really the only two  options ?? 😅

I always understood 'protect your peace' to be completely different! I took it to mean not engaging with people that leave you angry, anxious, or otherwise feeling negative. Stepping away from people like a 'friend' who doesn't hide the fact that they're gossiping about you or a relative that is always trying to get a rise out of you. And, in an online world, encouragement to make liberal use of the block button. Letting things get to you all the time isn't healthy, but since we live in a world where far too many people enjoy making others miserable, the only thing you can do is work to protect your own peace of mind.

I always wondered where the idea that it was about staying in or canceling plans came from. But I get lonely when I don't get to see people very often, and it's hard to feel peaceful when you're lonely. A quiet, simple get together can also be very peaceful.

I can be a bit of a people pleaser which my best friend recognized and came up with this great system where she'll ask me the same question twice.

My natural impulse is always to say yes to everything and so once I've gotten that out of my system and she asks me again by saying I can actually think about it and make a decision. It's also really reassuring because I know that she is asking me again so I can say no and she would be OK with that 😊

"You don't owe anyone everything" would be more useful

"People use therapy speak to justify their bad behavior" absolutely resonated with my thoughts on this topic.

I used to be the friend who never went out with the group. I used to have really bad anxiety and depression, and I used to prefer to isolate myself and only be present online. Now I wish I had forced myself to go out more during that time, not only I wouldn't have missed important times, but it would've helped me to feel better. Sometimes they recall trips to other states or parties, and I feel a deep sense of regret. However, I realized that the best thing I can do now is to make new memories and be present now irl. Community is so important, and it is not in opposition to boundaries and self-care; it's part of it.

My most effective way to 'protect my peace' is making time for my friends. We dont have to do anything, just be together and yap. I sat on a friends tub while she got ready to go out and it was one of the highlights of my day.

I go to a college that very much embodies the “therapy speak” problem and last semester I was basically bullied out of my own friend group while two people I thought I was close with just let it happen because it was too inconvenient for them when I asked them for support.

I’ve learned if someone tells me they have a boundary anywhere along the lines of “Don’t talk to me about your problems” they’re not someone who’s going to be a good friend.

I just wish we could all finally accept that we can’t control each other and it’s all about having discernment - not needing to judge everything, and accepting that more often than not people are just incompatible, and it’s not like this toxic thing we have to dissect and name.

Back in university, my friends and I lived in the same student neighborhood. Arranging cooking nights, movie nights, or just ordering lunch together for cheaper delivery were common. Now that we've graduated and live in different parts of the city, it's become much harder to hang out. I miss those days when I could just hit up a friend and ask if she wanted to order a buy 1 get 1 meal with me, then I'd walk to her place, and we ate while watching anime.

I think most people don’t actually want friends, they want a fan club that they can just trauma dump to. Friendships are relationships and you can’t jump ship the second things get hard and still whine that you want community

Hi! I’m a listener from Japan. I lived in the U.S. when I was in elementary school, so I can understand everyday English. Your way of speaking is really clear and emotional, which makes you very easy to listen to, even for me as a Japanese listener. I’m so happy you started a podcast, and I’m really looking forward to it.🎉

I feel like this whole „5-9 before 9-5“ conversation is again putting the blame on the individual. Like, oh, you don‘t have time for your hobbies? Try waking up at 5. By doing this, the conversation on working conditions and working hours etc is avoided and the people doing this can feel great about themselves.

For some reason I thought there would be two curiousers,like two curious people talking to each other. 😂

I have friends who I see once every few months. Yes, we go out, but we also spend a lot of time just chilling on the couch and reading. This recharges all my batteries every single time. So, yes the balance between human connection and alone time is so so important 💗

Love this Leonie!!
I think a lot of "protecting my peace" folk are needlessly selfish. People need to recognize and understand that friendship isn't always convenient - you all gotta put some effort in. I love a cozy evening in as much as the next person, but we can't have everything the way we want it every single day of our lives.

I loved this first episode, Leonie!

Thoughts I was typing while listening:
1. I actually like the harshness of Maisa's Substack article. We need that wake up call for all of us.

2. On the topic of "protecting our peace so hard it leads to isolationism," there's this quote from Milan Kundera which instantly came to my mind when you were talking about that. The quote goes something like, “...and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. What do you call it, freedom or loneliness?”

3. When you were also talking about how the peace portrayed on social media is a kind of peace that is being presented to everyone, and therefore everyone starts desiring it, it reminds me of French philosopher René Girard's concept of mimetic desire.

4. Another philosopher we can look at is T. M. Scanlon's "What We Owe to Each Other." It's more focused on the moral of contractualism among people, but still, I think it can be bonus reading hehe.

5. And lastly, on the general topic of this whole first episode (WHICH I JUST LOVED!), I think "Survival of the Friendliest: Understanding Our Origins and Rediscovering Our Common Humanity" by Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods is complementary reading. :)

I am part of the neurodivergent crowd, and I protect my peace by working enough to pay my bills but to still have time to volunteer in a local charity shop once a week 😊
I love your take on this, I hadn't realised that it had taken on such an individualistic streak. To me, protecting my peace means breaking up with my toxic ex, leaving a work place that burned me out badly and finding work that alignes with who I am as a person and is sustainable, and to spend lovely chill nights with my boyfriend but also having alone time when I need it. And if I watch 2 hours of shorts once a week, I probably needed it (but I won't cancel plans for that). Good friendships are important, and I'm working on getting better at finding the ones that work well for me and my energy levels ❤️

i think this entire topic takes on a very different meaning when you have kids. now it’s not “go out or doom scroll” it’s “give energy to friendships that make you feel shit and then go home and parent on an empty tank” so the trade off is a little more stark lol