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The 4-Stage Playbook Every Narcissist Uses — And Why You Never Saw It Coming

Kerry McAvoy, PhD

65,704 views

Have you ever asked yourself why you never saw it coming — or why, even now, you still doubt what was real?

That's not a failure of judgment. It's the point.

Narcissistic abuse isn't a relationship that went wrong. It's a covert operation — built from the very first moment, running on a playbook you were never meant to see.

Every stage was calculated. The warmth. The confusion. The chaos. The trap. And the cruelest part? Your empathy, your trust, your resilience — the very best of you — is exactly what made you the target.

Want a copy of the Predator’s A-Z Playbook? Get it here: https://subscribepage.io/the-playbook

IN THIS LIVE STREAM:
Learn:
The four-stage playbook every narcissist follows and why it works
Why you didn't see the red flags
The Grooming Arc: how the abuse moves from love bombing to lockdown
3 patterns to stop immediately and what to replace them with to start reclaiming your power

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IF YOU ARE A RISK of immediate danger or abuse, please get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

DISCLAIMER: All content and information on this website is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute mental health advice. Although I strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for professional advice, and you should not rely solely on this information. Always consult a professional in the area for your particular needs and circumstances before making any professional, legal, medical, financial, or tax-related decisions.
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READ MY STORY
“LOVE YOU MORE: The Harrowing Tale of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross”
Available now: https://amzn.to/3NVMBXO

KERRY MCAVOY, PHD, an author and educator, draws on her 25-year background in psychology and her lived experience as a survivor to help individuals decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust. Her memoir, “Love You More,” offers an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse.

20 Comments

@JacquelinePletscher-x9w 4 months ago

These relationships are so confusing and if there is confusion there is abuse.

@JacquelinePletscher-x9w 4 months ago

Thank you for not blaming victims.
This was healing 💖

@glenyshill72 3 months ago

They have cognitive (otherwise known as LEARNED) empathy
rather than
emotional empathy

@dianalynn3453 3 months ago

20 years after the divorce, I still can’t talk about it because everyone told me it was my own fault. And the family courts blame you too. They take your time with your kids. The worst form of abuse.

@sunbeagle9769 3 months ago

The long fuzzy and warm conversations are for reconnaissance purposes.

@joziewales1965 1 month ago

In a relationship where you have to start googling and researching your partner’s behavior is the time to formulate your exit strategy.

@VickyAlwaysAndForever 2 months ago

Narcism is the downfall of humanity ,

@hannahrosa5485 2 months ago

He quit working after 4 yrs of marriage so we'd have nothing to retire on, I was disabled and trapped till he came down with cancer and died 10 weeks after diagnosis. He refused to speak to me for those 10 weeks in hospice. L went home and threw his PhD in the garbage. Thank you.

@DMP-g9i 3 months ago

Psychopathic narcissist do what most people fail to understand, they temporarily shape shift into what they think YOU want and expect and then, they flip on you like a light switch and change like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Politicians are the perfect examples of this...They are professional shape shifters and liars, they love bomb you around election time to get your support then once they get into office, they discard you

@FlyingEagle-j4d 4 months ago

How beautful it is when victims meets REAL PEOPLE. Not these.😓

@dianalynn3453 3 months ago

One day I had a revelation…. “What you give yourself to is what you become.” That’s when I knew there was no honor in staying with him.

@cindycompton9916 2 months ago (edited)

I have been so tragically optimistic. I am impressed. You are a great teacher.

@donfrankmagic6442 3 months ago

Mine trapped me to get married to get me to have health insurance, then she exploided my finances. Used her adult kids to help. These people are dangerous.

@jc8692-e5v 3 months ago

One thing I noticed about most toxic people in my life that I eventually broke away from is that they initially show up for you in a way that goes above and beyond. You know. Like that new acquaintance who takes the day off from work to drive you to your medical procedure, for one example. Or help you move…or invite you to their home during the holidays when you are alone. they show up when you are vulnerable and without resources too. This made me eternally grateful and slow to realize it when I found out what their deal was. During that time I dismissed the not so subtle ways they attempted to control me by way of using, attempts to influence me, criticizing/putting me down later on.

@jennis4018 1 month ago

My dad married a widow. He’s a narcissist. He got her to buy him a holiday home in Mexico and put her in a nursing home very soon afterwards. I’m so ashamed of him. She died alone because he was living it up in Mexico with a young woman who was also just using him. He’s dead now. And I’m glad that bastard is gone!

@Yutso88 1 month ago

"They want you to apologize for the apology they're not gonna give you"

@yupyup1562 4 months ago

People don’t realize, these predators have been studying and testing people from childhood. Like counting cards. They watch the game and test it. They watch people, then do a test, review the results, test again, and again, until, over time, they can find a lamb in a crowd instantly, and they know the exact words to use to bring them in. And when they have reached forty, they have honed their craft to almost perfection. They are magicians.

@marlak4253 1 month ago

The problem with narcissists that experts never discuss is their effect on the work place and how to handle them in management positions.

@palladiumblue2539 4 months ago

Thank-you Kerry. 30 years of hell with my cheating, lying husband. Stop seeking an apology. Resonated with me today. I'm done.

@yupyup1562 4 months ago

We went from laughing, connecting, and talking about any and every topic in depth, to only being allowed to talk about the weather and food we ate, nothing else.