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The Good Men Did Not Disappear

Kait Willett

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This all started with one comment under a short I posted. Here it is: Who caused the dating recession #relations...

Connect With Kait: https://kaitwillett.com/
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Women keep asking where all the good men went, and the standard answer is that men are intimidated by successful women.

I break down why that diagnosis survives, it is the flattering one, and what is actually happening: men are not backing away from her income or her success, they are backing away from a specific set of interactions, and I name each one.

The good men did not disappear. It was never intimidation.

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:55 Why The Question Feels Legitimate
1:19 How The Diagnosis Gets Sold
2:31 The Columbia Speed Dating Study
3:37 What Actually Happens In The Room
5:02 Five Interactions, From Men
5:48 One: The Asset Test
6:59 Two: The Scoreboard
7:56 Three: The Empty Ledger
9:02 Four: The Wrong Currency
10:31 Five: The Restraint Tax
12:10 The Mirror Universe
13:45 The Real Mechanism
14:25 What The Data Actually Says
15:07 So Where Are They
16:29 For The Women Watching
16:59 For The Men Watching
17:26 Answering The Objection

20 Comments

@franko2348 11 days ago (edited) Pinned

BAHAHA! Excellent!!! worth watching to the VERY end! Brilliant!

@csilver9625 11 days ago

We want a companion to build with, not a competitor to fight against.

@YYZToronto 11 days ago

I'm not intimidated by a woman's entitlement and disrespect. I'm annoyed by it.

@decwow 11 days ago

They always want to say that "he's intimidated", because they never want to admit that "she's an asshole."

@sikxskulls 4 days ago

Im old school. If we don't connect with anything. I'm not going to waste time trying.

@marktisdale7935 10 days ago

The moment I walked into a "family courtroom" and had to prove to the court that I could provide for and support my child to be allowed into be in their life. While at the same time their mother was provided resources from me because she could not provide or suppirt our child, yet it was assumed that she should have the right to be treated as the primary parent. After paying and fighting to be allowed in my child's life I learned that the whole system is designed to punish good men based on the feelings of any woman.

@donaldbond4304 10 days ago

Point of order: the world does not owe you a good man.

@anon36522 11 days ago

What men want has not changed, what they are being offered has

@owenmonroe4911 4 days ago

My wife is tiny, and if I ever struck her it would break both of us.

One night we had a fight and she followed me out to the garage, not allowing me retreat. She said some ugly things. I told her that if you were a guy and said that, you would be going to the hospital. The look on her face was shocked and scared. "Really?" Yes. Never speak to me that way again.
She and I are best friends and married to this day. 36 years.

@Feluzius 10 days ago

On the topic of reciprocity: In university, I had a seminar on political corruption. We read and discussed a study that found that men tend to create networks of corruption whilst women did not. Of course the women in the seminar loved this, because they were biased and it confirmed their worldview that men are just worse. We read and discussed the study further and it turned out, that women did not choose to not create networks of corruption, they were unable to create them, because a network of corruption is based in reciprocity, a favor for a favor etc. and the researchers found that female politicians only took favors and gave nothing back, so no reciprocity and therefore no networks. The faces of my fellow female seminar members were priceless. They were so offended.

@larrycox7169 11 days ago

The "system" is rigged. I'm out.

@Brentbrown39 4 days ago

15 years ago my wife asked me why I wanted to marry her. I told her because I felt like I wasn’t in a competition, so I could let my guard down. We have to sleep sometime. It’s tiring to do with one eye open, even when all of the doors are locked.

@armorhand3332 10 days ago

No, we did not 'disappear'.

We simply stopped agreeing to play their game(s).

@livyc8 10 days ago

If a women brings up negative comments about men within the initial 5 minutes of meeting me I'm done

@edt6290 11 days ago

Men didn't disappear. We stopped qualifying. We are not a 35 year old, six foot tall Adonis, with a six figure disposable income.

@TimDickey 4 days ago

As a society, we are running a trust deficit. It is not surprising that it is being obscured by the marketing and messaging. Some of us continue to show up, just to set the example. Not because it's easy, but because it is right. As a former member of the U.S. military who served for a decade in the special operations community, I choose hard. Every. Single. Day. Building and maintaining trust is HARD.

@shawnmcdaniel435 11 days ago

I opted out after FINALLY learning my lesson that no matter what I am, I do, or I provide...it is never enough. The goalpost ALWAYS moves.

@michaelherring7210 11 days ago

Gave up when a woman I was dating thought it was funny to put me down and randomly insult me. I asked her why she found that so funny, and she couldn’t tell me. It was the contempt behind her words that made me ask her to leave. After that I stopped trying and couldn’t be more content. I don’t miss having a partner at all.

@BeRich1966 11 days ago

I am now 60 years old, I have dated 3 women that were on the Dean's List. All 3 left me for someone else. I married a Sunday school teacher that played the piano, we had one child together. She had an affair and said my one and only child was not mine I was not the father. Married 1 time helped bring into this world 1 child. I gave it my best, to all the young men out there it is not worth it. Being single is cheaper and easier. I have more time to invest in myself, I can invest in others at my convenience, my church and my friends.