Good evening. I'm Takahiro Haga, a psychiatrist.

Today, I'd like to talk about what to do when something makes you so angry you want to die.

I usually give my patients a lot of advice.

I always make sure to ask whether the patient took it into consideration or not, and what happened after they actually tried it.

Because I see patients every day, I've seen a lot of patterns: "This kind of advice is easy to accept," "This kind of wording is hard to get through to," and "If you actually do this, this is likely to happen."

However, when it comes to myself, I'm completely hopeless.

I'm quite stubborn, and when I'm so angry I want to die, I can't always remain calm and handle things correctly. Sometimes I hold a grudge for a long time, and other times I forget about it very quickly.

Therefore, I don't intend to recommend that you "do this" based on my own actions.

However, based on my experience of giving advice to many patients and seeing what happened afterward, there is a method that I believe is quite effective for processing anger.

It's about **repeatedly presenting something that made you incredibly angry to many different people**.

If you're extremely angry at someone, try talking to others about "what happened," "what was so upsetting," and "what it was about the other person that made you so angry."

Ideally, instead of talking to the same person over and over, it's recommended to talk to a variety of people with different ages, positions, and perspectives.

This is slightly different from mere "complaining."

The more you talk about it, the better you become at explaining it.

Initially, it might just be the feeling of "I'm so pissed!"

But to explain it to others, you need to organize your thoughts by asking:

"What hurt me?"

"What was it about the other person that I couldn't forgive?"

"What did I really want them to do?"

In other words, the process of putting your anger into words begins.

For example, I've heard several lectures by Dr. Toshihiko Matsumoto, who is famous for his work in addiction treatment.

He repeatedly lectures on the same topics, so there are common elements in his basic content. Even so, it's interesting no matter how many times I hear it, and it makes me think, "Okay, I'll do my best in addiction treatment."

I think that even with the same content, telling the story dozens or hundreds of times refines the way you communicate it.

Talking about anger is somewhat similar.

As you tell it to people many times, your "story of anger" becomes more organized.

Moreover, the listener doesn't just agree with "Yes, yes."

They might say, "But didn't you also have a bit of a problem?"

If someone says that to you while you're in the middle of being angry,

You think, "What are you talking about!"

"I'm so pissed off!"


You can't accept it in that moment.

However, interestingly, when you tell the same story to someone else later, their words gradually start to make sense.

"Oh, that's right, the person before me said something like that."

"Certainly, that might be one way of looking at it."


This is important.

I myself had an experience that made me incredibly angry.

I talked about it many times to various people, including my family.

Of course, just because they're family doesn't mean they'll unconditionally take my side.

In fact,

I often get cold reactions like,
"Why do I have to listen to two grown men arguing endlessly...?"

At first, I think,

"Even grown men get annoyed sometimes!"

But as I tell the same story to other people, I gradually start to think,

"You're right, two grown men arguing isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things."

And then, suddenly, everything seems insignificant.

This is slightly different from admitting "I was wrong."

The magnitude of the incident that made me angry returns to a more appropriate size within myself.

The overwhelming, frustrating emotions that had been filling me up gradually find their place by talking to people repeatedly and listening to various opinions.

Among the words I receive from various people, there are small fragments that make me think, "That's certainly true."

When those fragments come together, at a certain moment,

I think, "Ah, that's enough."

It all makes sense.

I believe this is what it means to "process" anger.

The important thing is not to continue to be controlled by anger.

If you keep holding onto a state of extreme anger, it can surface in completely unrelated situations.

You might get unnecessarily angry just because you bumped shoulders with someone on the street.

You might lash out at your family.

You might speak harshly to someone at work.

That only harms yourself.

Therefore, anger must be processed somewhere.

My recommendation for doing so is to **thoroughly put it into words and talk to people**.

Instead of bearing the burden alone, talk to various people.

And listen not only to opinions that agree, but also to opinions that disagree.

It's okay if you don't ...