The Body Keeps The Score with Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
Your Parenting Mojo
61,028 views
The Body Keeps The Score with Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
How does trauma affect us?
Yes, we feel it in our brains – we get scared, frustrated, and angry – often for reasons we don’t fully understand.
But even if our brains have managed to cover up the trauma; to paper a veneer over it so everything seems fine, that doesn’t mean everything actually is fine – because as our guest in this episode, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says: The Body Keeps The Score.
What he means is that the effects of the trauma you’ve experienced don’t just go away, and can’t just be papered over. Your body will still hold the evidence in tension, headaches, irritability (of minds and bowels), insomnia…and all of this may come out when your child does something you wish they wouldn’t.
Perhaps it’s something your parent always used to resent doing, and made it super clear to you every time they did it for you.
Perhaps it was something you did as a child and were punished for doing (maybe you were even hit for it…your body is literally remembering this trauma when your child reproduces the behavior).
Lack of manners, talking back, making a mess, not doing as you were told, being silly…even if logically you now know that these are relatively small things, when your child does them it brings back your body’s memories of what happened to you.
Dr. van der Kolk helps us to understand more about how this shows up for us. Sometimes understanding can be really helpful. But sometimes you also need new tools, and support as you learn them, and accountability.
If you recognized yourself anywhere in this episode - if you know that when the poop hits the fan you fall back on power because you don't know what else to do - that's exactly what we work on in my Taming Your Triggers workshop.
In the workshop, we go deep on why you get triggered, what you actually need in those moments, and how to build a different response from the inside out - so you're not just white-knuckling it through the hard moments anymore.
And we've made it more accessible. You can now enroll in just the workshop without coaching calls for $300 less than the original price:
Spark: $97
Flame Keeper: $197
Hearth Builder: $297
Every tier includes the full 10-week workshop with weekly modules, all the tools and practices, lifetime access to materials, and the community. Coaching calls are available as a separate add-on if you want live support.
Learn more here: https://yourparentingmojo.com/tamingy...
For the full transcript of this interview, go to https://yourparentingmojo.com/captiva...
20 Comments
It's a natural tendency out of self-preservation.
In real trauma experiences though the flash-backs are like short movies which can not be addited later really. Many victims try with all their might to alter their flash-backs and memories to make some kind of rational sence to them.
Accusing other people as the cause of their sorrow and anger instead of the real culprit(s).
I remember I did the same. Reflecting my disappointment and anger on some of my dearest friends and partners. They didn't understand ofcourse and left me. Or I left them.
I still wasn't aware of the tremendous abuse and betrayal my mother commited when I was a child, adolecent and even adult.
They had no clue either ofcourse.
These days I'm thinking of ways to make up to them. But I realize I've harmed them too much with my displaced anger and distrust.
In the workshop, we go deep on why you get triggered, what you actually need in those moments, and how to build a different response from the inside out - so you're not just white-knuckling it through the hard moments anymore.
And we've made it more accessible. You can now enroll in just the workshop without coaching calls for $300 less than the original price:
Spark: $97
Flame Keeper: $197
Hearth Builder: $297
Every tier includes the full 10-week workshop with weekly modules, all the tools and practices, lifetime access to materials, and the community. Coaching calls are available as a separate add-on if you want live support.
Learn more here: https://yourparentingmojo.com/tamingyourtriggers/
The Body Keeps The Score with Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
Your Parenting Mojo
61,028 views
The Body Keeps The Score with Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
How does trauma affect us?
Yes, we feel it in our brains – we get scared, frustrated, and angry – often for reasons we don’t fully understand.
But even if our brains have managed to cover up the trauma; to paper a veneer over it so everything seems fine, that doesn’t mean everything actually is fine – because as our guest in this episode, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says: The Body Keeps The Score.
What he means is that the effects of the trauma you’ve experienced don’t just go away, and can’t just be papered over. Your body will still hold the evidence in tension, headaches, irritability (of minds and bowels), insomnia…and all of this may come out when your child does something you wish they wouldn’t.
Perhaps it’s something your parent always used to resent doing, and made it super clear to you every time they did it for you.
Perhaps it was something you did as a child and were punished for doing (maybe you were even hit for it…your body is literally remembering this trauma when your child reproduces the behavior).
Lack of manners, talking back, making a mess, not doing as you were told, being silly…even if logically you now know that these are relatively small things, when your child does them it brings back your body’s memories of what happened to you.
Dr. van der Kolk helps us to understand more about how this shows up for us. Sometimes understanding can be really helpful. But sometimes you also need new tools, and support as you learn them, and accountability.
If you recognized yourself anywhere in this episode - if you know that when the poop hits the fan you fall back on power because you don't know what else to do - that's exactly what we work on in my Taming Your Triggers workshop.
In the workshop, we go deep on why you get triggered, what you actually need in those moments, and how to build a different response from the inside out - so you're not just white-knuckling it through the hard moments anymore.
And we've made it more accessible. You can now enroll in just the workshop without coaching calls for $300 less than the original price:
Spark: $97
Flame Keeper: $197
Hearth Builder: $297
Every tier includes the full 10-week workshop with weekly modules, all the tools and practices, lifetime access to materials, and the community. Coaching calls are available as a separate add-on if you want live support.
Learn more here: https://yourparentingmojo.com/tamingy...
For the full transcript of this interview, go to https://yourparentingmojo.com/captiva...