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How To Break A Trauma Bond: 12 Things I'd Do Now to Heal it For Good

Laura | Coaching You to Trust Yourself

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I'm a somatic trauma-informed coach and narcissistic abuse specialist, and I was trauma-bonded for years. So these are the twelve things I'd do now, if I had to heal a trauma bond again with all the knowledge and experience I’ve gained since then.

By the end of this video, you’ll understand why the pull back to him is so strong. And have a clear sequence of steps to work through at your own pace, so you can heal your bond for good too.

Tell me in the comments below which number helped you the most, and which one you’re struggling to apply.

TIMESTAMPS:
00:40 Step 1: Go no contact
01:55 Step 2: Write Down the reality of your abuse
02:50 Step 3: The 10-minute rule
04:22 Step 4: Learn to notice your body’s sensations
05:23 Step 5: Change the way you speak about your experience
06:37 Step 6: Slow down and be present
07:41 Step 7: Connect with safe people
08:55 Step 8: Practice saying no
10:20 Step 9: Uncover your beliefs, wants and needs
11:35 Step 10: Collect new experiences of safety and connection
12:55 Step 11: Feel the full weight of all your feelings
14:12 Step 12: Get the right support that adapts to your needs

#narcissisticabuserecovery #traumabond #nocontact

2 Comments

@CliveAdams-s9l 2 weeks ago

Big 👀on #10 ("your brain expects new people to behave like your ex did"). Yuuup. It's hard to break that protective shell and to turn off the transactional relating. When someone does something kind for me, it can be soooooo uncomfortable as I'm not used to those things feeling like they have a price tag or are expected to be reciprocated. But I'm definitely getting better at it!

Also, in addition to saying "no", I find it helpful to remember that "no is a complete sentence," and not to JADE: Justify Argue Defend or Explain.

Wonderful tips, Laura!

@panther105 2 weeks ago

I wish I could go no contact....but we work at the same place and have done for the last 15 years. We only started dating a couple of years ago, however. We don't have to work together exactly, but we both work at the same location on the Vancouver Waterfront so we can't avoid seeing each other on a daily basis. I don't think either of us imagined what it would be like if we did break up, as we both thought it was going to be the real thing. We never got to the living together stage or even regular intimacy which was due to my feet dragging and her reason for breaking up, but I was also frantically trying to renovate me old house so it would be livable for the both of us. She gave up waiting. Now she has given me the silent treatment even though her last message to me was that she was grateful for the adventures and good times we did have together. I just try to be calm and not talk to her about anything although I feel the cold shoulder treatment is really immature and pretty mean spirited.