Crucial Questions to Ask a Potential Spouse Before Marriage
Markaz Al Hikmah
68,757 views
Donate whatever you can: https://gofund.me/1f221bee
Marriage 101 Series: Episode 04 - Crucial Questions to Ask a Potential Spouse Before Marriage
In this episode, I address a matter that always comes up from both brothers and sisters when trying to find a spouse and that is, "how do I really get to know the reality of someone just by asking them questions?"
The simple answer is, that only Allah truly knows the true reality, however in this video I mention several questions that you may ask in order to find out exactly what you need to find out about someone and make an informed decision about whether or not you can see yourself living with this person and building a life with them.
Before I get into the actual questions, I give some key advices and guidelines on the questioning process itself. Basically, the dos and donts as it pertains to the questions you ask and the answers you receive.
I then break down the actual questions into 6 different categories with each category having several examples of questions. The idea behind this categorization was to try and cover the different aspects of marriage life.
00:00 - Introduction
06:20 - Questions That Will Tell you About Someone’s Personality
30:59 - Questions That Will Tell You About Someone’s Mentality
32:55 - Questions That Will Tell you About Their Family Dynamic
41:26 - Questions That Will Tell you About Their Philosophy of Raising Children
53:08 - Questions About Beliefs of the Religion
56:37 - Questions About Specific Marriage Scenarios
57:42 - Crucial Questions Brothers Should Ask Sisters & Vice Versa
1:22:33 - Questions That Sisters Should Ask Brothers
1:25:57 - Conclusion - Detrimental Effects of Lack of Preparation for Marriage
20 Comments
> Know the answers you are looking for
> Never settle with someone you aren’t compatible with, don’t convince yourself that you will change this person
> Don’t be hasty in terms of making a decision, take your time, consult people you trust, pray istikarah
> Don’t base your decision on attraction/emotions alone
> When asking the questions don’t mention what you are looking for, focus on asking questions to keep the Person honest, asking face to face/directly/in person (for females with mahram) get more authentic/accurate answers
PERSONALITY
Are you more introverted/extroverted?
What are things that bother/anger you in terms of other people’s Personality?
What are things that make you happy (materialistic & physical)?
What Experiences (traumas, emotional situations) have you gone through that affected your life and caused you to be a certain way today?
What do you do for fun/entertainment?
How are your friends like? Things you do with them?
How do you behave when you are upset?
What are your good and bad habits?
What do you think about (input your personality traits/type)?
If you were to be terminally ill how would you deal with that? (—> Ask them about different scenarios/issues that are happening in the world smth that brings out their mentality and outlook on things)
FAMILY DYNAMIC
Are your parents divorced or together?
If they are together what is their relationship like?
If they are divorced what is your relationship with them both is the other one still in your life etc?
If divorced how has it affected you in terms of emotions/has it affected your view on marriage?
For sisters: important to find out his views on woman, relationship with sisters (if he has any) and likewise ask his sisters about him
For brothers: important to find out her views on men, relationship with brothers (if she has any) and likewise ask her brothers about her
RAISING CHILDREN
What is your role in terms of a mother and raising children? Do you believe in sending your children to daycare? Having a maid that raises the children? (to female)
Do you believe in raising the children by iPads/Tv/smartphones etc?
Would you allow dressing your children in a more open manner/not modest?
When do you believe to get your daughters used to hijab?
How would you raise and discipline your children?
How do you view raising the children with music toys, music games and generally music?
BELIEF
What is your aqidah and methodology?
Who do you take your knowledge from? (Are they willing to stop listening to someone who should not be taken from?)
GENERAL
Ask specific marraige scenario questions: How would they behave in that situation? How would they act? What do they think is right in that situation?
BROTHERS ND SISTERS
What type of weeding do you plan to have? (catered food, type of dress, mixing, dancing, music etc.)
Your expectations for living standards?
How do you view your relationship to in laws?
What do you think are the causes of divorces nowadays?
What do you believe does a husband/wife have to do that would warrant a divorce?
What are the rights of the husband/wife?
How do you view the nature of men/females? How woul you deal with it?
What is the purpose of marriage?
What do you think about doing hijrah/future plans?
What does your ideal marriage look like?
What does a man want in a woman?/ What does a woman want in a man?
FOR SISTERS
What is your role as a husband?
What is your role/duties as a father?
Details on plans to take care of me as a husband
Future/current career financial situation?
FOR BROTHERS
questions about points/aspects on feminism to see what a sister feels about it without mentioning the word feminism: Do you prioritize having a career over children? What is your view on having a career?
View on amount of mehr/dowry?
What are your views on obedience to a husband? What entails obedience/ is it conditional?
Thoughts on being feminine and submissive to husband or masculine? Conditional?
What role do gifts play for you?
A lot of us have not had the privilege of righteous elders to teach us these matters. May Allah reward you for filling the gap, and may Allah aid you to benefit us more.
Brother, if emotions get involved then they have been spending too much time together without a mahram.
Whether any family is polygamous.
How it is affected the person
Has it harmed them.
Any abusive relationships in the family.
Who is thier role model in the family.
I found this video very informative, balanced and gem packed ! The topic was tackled in an innovative way, with a big focus on realism and not just reiterating the generic responses we have gotten use to hearing.
Happy and thankful for the efforts you put in this in akhi al kareem. حفظك الله ونفع بك
Crucial Questions to Ask a Potential Spouse Before Marriage
Markaz Al Hikmah
68,757 views
Donate whatever you can: https://gofund.me/1f221bee
Marriage 101 Series: Episode 04 - Crucial Questions to Ask a Potential Spouse Before Marriage
In this episode, I address a matter that always comes up from both brothers and sisters when trying to find a spouse and that is, "how do I really get to know the reality of someone just by asking them questions?"
The simple answer is, that only Allah truly knows the true reality, however in this video I mention several questions that you may ask in order to find out exactly what you need to find out about someone and make an informed decision about whether or not you can see yourself living with this person and building a life with them.
Before I get into the actual questions, I give some key advices and guidelines on the questioning process itself. Basically, the dos and donts as it pertains to the questions you ask and the answers you receive.
I then break down the actual questions into 6 different categories with each category having several examples of questions. The idea behind this categorization was to try and cover the different aspects of marriage life.
00:00 - Introduction
06:20 - Questions That Will Tell you About Someone’s Personality
30:59 - Questions That Will Tell You About Someone’s Mentality
32:55 - Questions That Will Tell you About Their Family Dynamic
41:26 - Questions That Will Tell you About Their Philosophy of Raising Children
53:08 - Questions About Beliefs of the Religion
56:37 - Questions About Specific Marriage Scenarios
57:42 - Crucial Questions Brothers Should Ask Sisters & Vice Versa
1:22:33 - Questions That Sisters Should Ask Brothers
1:25:57 - Conclusion - Detrimental Effects of Lack of Preparation for Marriage