To Mark's credit, the owners didn't check on the dog in half an hour or so, the pup was barking, and in a dangerous spot, so I do think his reaction was completely valid

To the question "How to make water wetter?" my mind immediately came with the answer "Put it in rice", which couldn't be more wrong

"No Bob that's wrong" was on par with "Carl that kills people"

as someone who also has adhd, losing ur pen and deciding last minute that u can use a knife and sauce to write on a paper towel is such a mood

Not gonna lie, when Mark pulled out the knife, I thought he was going to say that he was going to edge their points into HIS flesh.

Owners not coming out even after 2 minutes after letting them out the FRONT DOOR is unbelievably irresponsible. You're totally fine dude, they're terrible.

If my dog is outside barking more than like three times you bet I'm out the door to check on her/ tell her to shut up. about 75% of the time she's barking at an overhead airplane

"Are lemons sexual?"
Well someone wasn't reading fanfic growing up-

God I understand the feeling of completely forgetting my phone is a camera...some friends and I went on a trip to see one of our favorite bands perform and the whole trip we kept lamenting we didn't bring a camera....on the ride home we collectively realized our phones were indeed cameras

Leaving your small dog outside loose barking unattended for 20 minutes at 5am? In my hometown the cops already brought it to the shelter pick it up at 9am after you pay a $200 failure to contain dog fine

"The trauma-bone" got me so much harder than it had any right to. I had to actually stop myself from laughing to keep from waking people up.

So instead of going out and buying a pen and paper, Mark grabs a knife, hot sauce and paper towels.

Got it.

"You can kill as many puppies as you want. It's theoretical." -Bob
Not a statement I expected to hear today.

28:23 bob sounds like a trillionaire British man when he laughs the right way

So, funny story about kidnapping dogs. My brother in law was on his one wheel in his neighborhood, when he sees this little dog with a vest on near the street that leads out into the highway. So, he scoops the little dog up and one wheels it about three houses down before noticing someone was sitting on their porch. So, he wheels back over and asks, "Is this your dog?" And they simply replied, "Yeah."  They had watched him pick their dog up and just wheel away and said nothing, nor got up from their porch. 😂

"its a brand of breakfast toaster pastries thats cut into random shapes. its called Abstrac-Tarts"

27:13 "No, Colin... that's wroooong."
I'm so glad that lives rent free in their heads too. 😂

Wade's impression of Davy Jones is spot on 😂

Mark, a similar thing happened to me. I was out walking my dog when I came across an old Black Lab in the middle of the sidewalk. I knew that one of my neighbors had an old, female black lab with white stubble on her muzzle and she was several blocks away from home. So, thinking I was helping out a neighbor, I managed to rope my dog's leash around her neck ( my dog was good off leash) and I led her to her house at the corner of the street. I ring the door bell and proudly say, " Hey, I found your dog down the road," Only to be greeted with a : " our dog is already here." Embarrassed, I apologize for the mix up and head back to the area where I found the dog. Turns out, there are two neighbors that own an old female black lab with white stubble on her muzzle on the same street. I ran into the dogs real owner and was too embarrassed to admit that I had dog napped his dog and lied saying that I saw her several houses down and was looking for the owner. Moral of the story, look before you accidentally take someone's dog.

Hold up, Lavender Mac and Cheese? Fckin WHAT WADE?!?!