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I think the husband’s line of logic in that first post is that: “OP is doing something they are enjoying, while I’m over here struggling to have a job. They are so selfish for enjoying something.” It’s not OP being selfish, but just the husband being jealous that OP is doing better that he is.

"what is plasma donation?" cries in American

Work trips can be so intense and it sounds like this is a trip where OP knows he needs some peace after a workday. I get why someone would prefer to just do the work, go back to the hotel and decompress for certain trips. Especially since he is usually fine with them joining, I don't think he's making an exception to this trip for no reason. If the wife isn't happy with him leaving home for three days multiple times, that is a valid but very different conversation.

1st story - NTA - why in the world would she leave a grad program for temporary financial hardship when the grad program is beneficial in the future...

2nd story - He needs to communicate that he needs a break. If he is otherwise an involved father, it would be fine BUT COMMUNICATE!! It does sound like he doesn't like having kids. I would be annoyed as a wife if my husband was away so much and didn't give me the same opportunity.

3rd Story - 100% NTA - husband needs to find a spine. If she doesn't respect this, she won't respect them as parents. He needs to put his foot down.

I'm autistic and get not being able to focus on family and a work trip at the same time (I wouldn't be able to!)
But he could have presented it better! 😬 And he could definitely put in the extra effort to give his wife some time off when he gets back!

Travel trip story - oh absolutely not! I did foreign trips for work and I was 100% focused on my job during the work week since I had so much to accomplish in a very short period of time. My days were never less than 12 hrs and could be 15 hrs a day. I did not travel in tourist areas. On the weekends I traveled to a new location (my trips were 3 weeks long). Having anyone with me would be very disruptive. Family would expect attention and I would be unable to give it. There’s no holiday, there’s no 9 to 5. It’s intense and grueling.

As someone who travels internationally for work, it would be so difficult to take my family on the trips. Between the long days, jetlag, and often having to be "on" at meetings all day, I can't imagine having to then manage my family in the evening. I am often just exhausted, zone out on stupid tv,  eat in my room and go to bed early. I am not running away from my family, but it isn't easy to manage a family in a hotel.  I couldn't imagine trying to deal with the work and my family wanting me to engage in the evenings.

The few work trips i have been on have never allowed me enough time to do more than have a quick dinner, then go to bed. The days are long and filled with so many people. Most would not have allowed me to bring my spouse either. As an introverted person i am so done at the end of these days.

As someone with a long history of infertility and pregnancy struggles, I would be FURIOUS if anyone announced my pregnancy before I was ready.  Not only is that my news to share when I choose, but the fear of a pregnancy loss is so strong and a very real thing.  I will be having my son in less than a month now, but it took years of trying to get to that point and to this day I am still afraid something will happen and I will lose him.  The woman in story 3 says she's JUST at the end of her first trimester, I can personally relate to how terrified she must be for the health and viability of her pregnancy.  MIL is SO out of line.

Work trip story: a vacation, or even just a trip, is also disruptive to the kids! Mom and kids are losing hours of time and focus to do things like pack suitcases, travel (internationally, so presumably pretty intense travel), acquire food (no home fridge and kitchen), get accustomed to a new room, and probably one where everyone is sharing instead of everyone having their own spaces. Their routines are disrupted, everything is more difficult because it’s unfamiliar, it sounds EXHAUSTING. And it also sounds like mom is expecting dad to help parent an equal amount AS HER ON THE TRIP, which is more than either of them would be doing at home, plus the EXTRA work he’s doing on the business trip (always more than a normal workload, again plus the mental exhaustion of a new office and unfamiliar coworkers etc etc etc.)

If the dad were working very frequently (eg one week a month, or every other month for the full month) in the same location for an extended period, it might be feasible to split the whole family between the two locations — get an extended rental in the second location and everyone lives there together for the week/month for the duration of the project. No sightseeing, no vacation, just living normal life in two cities. That seems reasonable, if difficult to pull off.

But turning every business trip into a VACATION where you do VACATION THINGS on top of normal work expectations is insane.

My dad went on deployment almost every other year. Obviously, I understand that me and mom couldn't come with him because, like, da? But then he always got bothered that my mom had adjusted to life as a single parent. Because yeah, she was married on paper. But in practice, she was a single parent.

Growing up my dad had regular business trips abroad(typically at least once a month), we never went with him. Between the conferences and traveling, he'd be quite peopled out, so not really in a state to actually enjoy a vaction with others. Instead he'd do stuff like watch TV in his hotel, go on a bicycle ride if he brought his suitcase bike, or go shopping for foodstuff and/or souvenirs for me and my sister such as belguim waffles for me every time he went to Belguim because they were my favourite. Theoretically it could have probably worked as a "we do our own things on the days you work" and then only do family stuff after the business stuff if he's up to it, with the business trip as a way to make the travel costs cheaper.
What concerns me more is the idea the trips are "secret". The 2 ways I could think to interpret this is he's being skecthy about when/where the trip are, and/or she's suspicous what he's doing/who he's meeting during these trips, i.e. an affair, both of which are major issues that would need to be adressed if present.
My parents were very transparent to each other over these trips; they did a lot of coordinating over meals and other tasks around them, they called each other every evening to check up, and we know one time one of his coworkers tried to have an affair with him because he told my mum about a weird conversation he had and my mum figured out the woman was trying and failing to flirt with him.

Regarding the work trip story: I don't have kids either, but I do struggle with the thought of my partner joining me while I'm on a work trip - not because I don't like to see him, but because I would feel horribly guilty not being able to join him, and leaving him on his own in a strange place. My work trips tend to be very tiring, so I don't normally feel up to doing touristy stuff after, and I would feel like I was disappointing him. It would feel like he was just waiting around for me to be done. My preferred solution would be to leave on the trip a few days early, or return a few days late, and have my partner join me for those days. That way, we can share being in a nice place and get in some quality time either before or after work takes over, and I can fully focus on my work without felling terrible about leaving him on his own.

Short answer: no
Long answer: hell no

The second story: Idk, I think there's a ton of nuance here. Personally, I would get horribly distracted if I brought my spouse with me on a work trip, nevermind two boys on top of that. Even when there's dedicated work time, I'd kind of always have my head in another space.

He also says that he DOES bring his family on some trips. I think that's what he means by tourist-y things. I didn't take that as he does tourist-y things when he's on his own during the work trips, but because they become vacations. I think he might be speaking broadly, that wherever they go they do the typical tourist-y things.

I understand why he would just want to chill out after the day's over. I get exhausted sometimes after my usual work day when I'm in and out of meetings or training people, or constantly answering questions from teammates. It doesn't sound like he hates his family or he's being suspicious. It just sounds like he gets overstimulated and dealing with people is exhausting.

Work trip guy: As a parent, I appreciate the joys of an evening to yourself, but unless his partner has the same opportunity, it's unfair. He should probably discuss this with her honestly rather than seeking advice online. 🤦🏻‍♀️

honestly I don’t think people are addressing the second one properly which like… yeah maybe he’s an asshole for leaving her as a single parent (idk mate I’m not even an adult) but like I don’t think that gives her the right to be sus of him for cheating??

In the first one, I can guarantee if roles were reversed, and the husband was in grad-school pursuing his "dreams," society would expect the 'woman' to support him cos he's the 'breadwinner' and would be seen as doing it for the family. Some people even go back to living with parents so this can be accomplished, but when its the 'woman' pursuing her dreams, it is seen as selfish?? How hypocritical is that?  Just wait and you both can have a better life, together when she finishes her training.  I know a lot of men can get jealous when their partner earns more than them. Its a thing.

people who put their mother over their partner cant affort to have a partner