“Traversing hallways narrow enough to double as a CNN anchor’s worldview”

Priceless.

Remember when Squarenix said that they would remake FF7 once they were out of ideas?

"There is no Japanese word for pacing."
Quite right

I dont understand how anybody could look at nomuras work in kingdom hearts and say with any confidence that they think he can make good story changes

hearing alpha's voice again in over 5 years was strange.

Razor's "Sugoooiii~" should be superchat notification.

I worked at Sony in the early 2000s. The PS1 was still being produced JUST because demand for FFVII was still that high. Were we ever so young?

I got unfriended on steam when I said FF7 remake is boring.
Felt good.

During the first bombing mission, when Barret joins your “playable team”, you come across gun turrets too high for Cloud to reach with his sword, and he can’t anime jump up to get them, you’re forced to use Barrett’s long range weapon to take them out. I’m like “alright, that’s cool, actual strategy to consider!”  Later, when I’m doing side quests for the Slums, I face various enemies either climbing the walls or flying, all as high or higher than the earlier gun turrets, and Barret is no longer in my group.  Do I wait until my ATB fills and use long range magic?  Why bother...Cloud can now miraculously anime jump to attack them with his sword. Fucking hell, the game can’t even follow its own rules, but people will still praise it as Game of the Millennium.

It’s like the “if I turn all these expired ingredients into a meal then they aren’t expired anymore” equivalent of a game

I wanted a love letter to the original. Instead, they tore off the original's face and tried to stretch it over a giant, bloated cash grab.

This game is a weird mix of VII, XIII, and XV.

This rant was inevitable.

Remaking FF7 was always their "Get out of bankruptcy free" card.

the fact that it's not the entire story alone is sinful enough, they took the first 5 hours of the original game and stretched them to 30 hours, no wonder it's a shitshow

Worst thing about this game personally is how Sephiroth is handled.
He shows up right after the first dungeon, he's constantly appearing left and right smugly, probably says more in just this one part than he did in the entire original game and says a bunch of stuff that really makes no sense unless you played the original game.
Plus, not only is there a battle with him while One Winged Angel is playing in the background, involves his unique smash bros mechanic, the goddamn meteor is used during the last part, but there's a nod to the actual final battle of the original game almost right after.


So... What are they supposed to do with him in the later parts?
The whole two other games that he's gonna appear in?
There's a whole checklist of things that Sephiroth can do in an FF7 remake and the only boxes that don't have check are "actually get the black materia from cloud", "Flashback and town slaughtering sequence" and "have his Bizzaro/Safer battle".

4:46 where Razor proves he was the anime waifu we needed and deserved all along

You don't like how Nomura inserted his Kingdom Hearts time ghosts fanfic in this ff7 "Remake". 😤

I'm glad I never had any emotional attachment to the final fantasy franchise.

"And here I thought it was only Valve that couldn't count to three."

Holy shit dude you killed him.....

As soon as Square announced it was going to be a multiple episode installment game, I gave up and had no interest.  As it was a very bad sign, mainly the lets milk fans in the most awful way possible for all the money they have.  That said, also knew they wouldn't keep the story intact and would try to change it, no one is going to buy 3+ games for a story they already know.  It showed all signs it was going to be an awful mesh-mash of, "Improvements" which reeked of bad reboot not remake.  My gut is now telling me FFVII remake will not get finished, it will be a rushed out the door game to get it over with or they will just abandon it due to bad sales.