One can feel attached to someone without truly feeling safe with them. This is precisely the experience of a victim of a narcissistic abuser. Even if their moments of seduction are intense, it is merely a facade of attachment. It masks a dynamic of control used to protect against genuine intimacy and to conceal an inability to recognize the other person in their difference.

In this video, Christine Calonne, a psychologist and psychotherapist, describes the origin of this inability: an early history of non-recognition, narcissistic abuse, of an incestuous or incestuous nature. This does not excuse the violence associated with this coercive control, nor does it mean that one should give up on protecting oneself from this destructive relational dynamic.

Christine Calonne suggests possible paths to liberation from this control: identifying and documenting controlling behaviors, and building secure relationships to regain a sense of security. This is the fertile ground from which the feeling of being alive can re-emerge, through the flow of emotions and pleasant sensations. This allows non-destructive anger to guide the person to feel, "This isn't right for me," "I have the right to set my boundaries." Leaving the relationship is only the beginning of this process of returning to life, through dialogue with oneself and others. To learn more, you can read "Facing Narcissistic Perverts," published by Ellipses, or visit psychotherapie-calonne.be to schedule an appointment.